Monday, July 29, 2013

Third Publication!

So if you think back to your days of reading textbooks as a student, maybe back in elementary or high school or perhaps you're thinking of when you were in college....do you remember reading the chapters in your textbooks?

Ok, now do you remember reading the study guides and summaries of the chapters that were usually at the conclusion of the chapters?  Now think back even harder and see if you can recall looking at the pictures or the figures that were placed within the chapters.  Do you remember those?

Ok, now if you really dig back into your memories......can you think back to when you would glance over the tables that were provided in each chapter?  You know, the ones that had bulleted points and whatnot in them?


Well, guess what!

My third publication is one of those tiny tables within a chapter in a newly published textbook!

The book came in the mail today, at a discounted price, thanks to having had some store credit with Amazon.com and some change leftover on an Amazon gift card I had received as a Christmas gift.  Yippee for baby steps in getting something published!  I have a feeling that this textbook will be assigned reading when I teach classes at the college level for my future students, especially the table that is presented on page 315.  ;)





Kemmery, M.  (2013).  Strategies for teaching students with intellectual disability and hearing loss to participate in story-based literacy lessons.  In Billingsley, B. S., Brownell, M. T., Israle, M., & Kamman, M. L., A survival guide for new special educators (pp. 315).  San Francisco, CA:  Jossey-Bass.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Fruitful Labor

At this point in the dissertation game, for me, small baby steps are viewed as monumental milestones.
 
I'm just bursting with joy over having achieved 99.39% and 98.92% of inter rater reliability (IRR) in the coding of my dissertation data.  For those of you not familiar with IRR, best practice within research encourages a researcher to achieve at least 85% in IRR.  With the scores listed above, I'm able to confidently say that after multiple rounds of coding among multiple coders, that the data has been consistently adequately and thoroughly coded!

This was no easy task as over the course of the last 3 months, a second coder and I have been tirelessly working on creating, redefining, collapsing, aggregating, and fine tuning the codes as we worked with the data across state lines from Pennsylvania to North Carolina.  Granted, in the big picture of things, reporting these percentages will be just one sentence in my write-up of the results but goodness gracious, what work it took to get the content of this one sentence!

From endless emails and texts to sacrificing personal and professional time, to using precious paper and ink to print the transcripts to listening to the transcripts to ensure accuracy of what was typed to conducting trainings in person (even for up to three hours at a time on a Sunday afternoon while my poor parents waited for us to finish working in a coffeeshop) to making trips to the post office in order to mail packages of coding back and forth, Lauren and I pulled through and achieved an IRR score I would have never dreamt of obtaining.  It truly does take a team to pull off this effort, including the help of Meredith & Ashley in learning my way through Excel, and others who have reached out to assist me with learning how to better use the year membership of a qualitative computer software my family so generously purchased as this past year's birthday present.  I truly could not be doing this dissertation, and the last 3 years of the PhD program, without the support of loved ones and colleagues.

Granted, this IRR information is just one minute step in the dissertation process but gosh, it feels like I just scaled a bit of the mountain!!  I can now, in good faith and in conjunction with the member checks that have been conducted with the participants in my study, move forward to analyzing the data that has been coded (which is the fun part!!).....just as soon as I hear from my committee by hopefully August 1st. 

Fingers crossed!!!

This is what a coding training session looks like at the Cocoa Beanery in Hershey, PA  ;)

SO THANKFUL for Lauren giving up a portion of her end of the school year and summer to help me with the research process!! 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Can you hear me now ??

Today I had a hair appointment through Living Social.  When I moved to NC a few years ago, I had to leave my most favorite hair dresser ever!  Natalie was awesome and my hair never looked as good as it did after she was done working her magic.

Being down here as a poor grad student made me have to give up going to a nice salon and getting the same kind of treatment as what Natalie and her co-workers provided at George's back home.  I just don't have the income in NC as I did when I was teaching up in PA hence the vouchers I get from Living Social and Groupon.  Over the last 3 years, I've gone to some nice places and some places I question.  I've met some really nice hairdressers and others, I've not seen again.  The way I look at it, you get what you pay for, and I don't ask for much at the appointments, just to please cover up the gray (guess I worry too much?).  ;)

So, this morning when I went to my appointment, I had no expectations.  After missing the turn several times and going around the block twice, I finally found my way into the empty salon.  My hairdresser greeted me with a warm smile.  Let's call him Winston.

As Winston got down to business with picking out the color for the highlights and the root color, we made small talk.  As he was about to put the root color on, I gave the obligatory spiel of, "Oh by the way, I wear hearing aids and they will need to come out as they can't get wet but don't worry, I can read lips as long as I see you in the mirror".  He laughed and said, "I am the same way!"...which is definitely not something I've heard in other salons.  I peered at him through the mirror, specifically at his ears, and didn't notice any hearing aids.  So what did he mean by his remark?!  It turns out he chooses to not wear his hearing aids; an act that used to irk me as a teacher and baffles me personally...Then again, after the last three years of paying $300+ per appointment, constantly having to buy hearing aid batteries from CVS, and currently living with embarrassing squealing hearing aids since the molds don't fit correctly nowadays, I sometimes sit back in awe at all the money that is being spent on this technology in comparison to the peace and quiet of not wearing them (but then as one of my students so eloquently recently said, "I would be shut out from the world").

When I asked Winston why he stopped wearing his hearing aids, he shared that for his other job at the airport, the noises are too loud and hurt his ears when he wears his hearing aids.  Throughout the 4 hours I was there, we learned that we're both the same age, we both have twin brothers, and we both were born prematurely and lacked oxygen which is what we think is the cause of the hearing loss.  Interesting stuff!! Winston then shared with me the he also has vision loss and a prosthetic left leg and he went to the school for the deaf as a child where he learned sign language (but nowadays he doesn't use it and has forgotten most of it).  He wondered aloud if the reason he's so independent is because he "had to go away to school at such a young age and away from his family".  He also shared that he attended the general education school in his neighborhood from 9th - 12th grade and had a "lady go to all my classes with me to interpret".  He referred to himself as being deaf blind when joking about having trouble reading the printing in the appointment book but I was dying to ask how he identifies himself and had to refrain from asking my interview questions from my dissertation...lol!  Of all the salons in the town to go to and of all the hairdressers to work on me, here was someone who had background experiences related to my professional and personal lives.

I didn't share with him just what exactly it is I do or what my research interest is (identity of those with hearing loss/special needs in relation to mainstream society) but rather just spoke in general terms saying I'm "back in school and working" at the local college.  Something he said today really struck a chord though...I can't help but wonder if others, with hearing loss, might feel the same way regarding independence.  I think from the outside looking in, one might assume a person with hearing loss would feel dependent upon others to translate for them something they didn't hear, or to ask for repetition, or to sit out the swimming party rather than relying on a buddy to tell you what's happening.  Or does the person feel independent because he or she is able to try to fill in the missed words or information through use of context clues and process of elimination?  I know for me, it probably goes both ways but swings more heavily toward the independent side but is that a result of the hearing loss or a personality thing?  Who knows?!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

"What's your husband's name?"

This afternoon, I attempted to have my car inspected.  I had scheduled the appointment 3.5 weeks ago and purposely scheduled it for 3pm this afternoon since I had a previously scheduled meeting from 10-3pm on my calendar.  Upon finishing that meeting by 12:30pm, I quickly called the mechanic to see if I could be seen earlier than the 3pm appointment.  I left a voicemail with my name, number, and request.

Unfortunately, I did not hear back from the mechanic so I opted to stay on campus and do other work as I waited for the clock to strike 3.  Upon my arrival, the men behind the counter asked how they could help me.  I stated I was there for my 3pm inspection appointment.  A confused look came over the one gentleman's face as he said,

"I rescheduled it with Kevin". 

"Excuse me?"

"I spoke to your husband, Kevin, earlier today."

"Who?  No, I'm here for Megan.  I have a 3pm appointment."

"No, Kevin and I talked earlier and changed your appointment."

"I have a good friend named Kevin but he is not involved with this appointment.  I'm not sure I know what you're talking about here."

"Kevin, your husband...at XXX-XXX-XXXX."

"I have no idea who's number that is."

"We aren't doing inspections today.  That is why we had to reschedule your appointment as I explained to Kevin earlier today."

"No, I called at 12:30 and left a voicemail saying I could come in before 3 if you had any openings since my meeting ended earlier than planned.  No one called back so I assumed my appointment was still on for 3."

"Right and we called back and spoke with your husband Kevin.  He said you could come in next Wednesday at 3pm!"

"I don't know who you are referring to..was it for the 2010 Pontiac Vibe?!"

"It was your husband!"

(counting to ten in my head)

"What is your husband's name?" (scrolling down the computer screen)

"I don't have one!  I also don't understand how his name and number are associated with me.  My dad and my brother have been here so they're in your system but neither of them are named Kevin."

"Well, then why did he say it was okay to reschedule?"

"I don't know!  So, what you're telling me is that I can't get my car inspected today?"

"Not unless the DMV person comes and fixes my inspection machine."

"When will that be?"

"It could be two hours from now.  It could be tomorrow or it could be next week."

"So I can't reschedule my appointment...even after waiting for 2.5 hours today to come here at 3pm?"

"Right, we don't know when the DMV person will be here.  But we can call you when we are able to do inspections again."

At this point, I was so irritated and frustrated that I left...this place has provided excellent service in the past so it was very disappointing to find out I couldn't have the car inspected as planned.  Let's just hope the other two days I have available work out and that they have the ability to complete the inspection then. 



Maybe Kevin, my imaginary husband, can take my car over there for me.

Second (sort of) publication!!

This past spring, my colleagues and I were invited to submit a write-up of a presentation we had given in Santa Fe, NM back in February.  It was published in the newsletter below, making it my (sort of) second publication...happy reading!  If you want to read the first one, click here.



Monday, July 8, 2013

Beautiful story

I just read a powerful story online.  If you have about ten minutes to read this, I strongly urge you to do so.  What a beautiful world it would be if all of us did something to make a difference in some way for some one!! 

'Carry On': Why I stayed
Lisa M. Fenn [ARCHIVE]
Special to ESPN.comJuly 8, 2013
Comment on this story


"Why did you stay?"

He asked me, unprompted, as we waited quietly for the light to turn green. My heart revved. I always thought he knew.

"I love you," I answered.

"That's what I thought you'd say," he replied. "But … why … why did you stick around and do everything you did?"

The answer to Dartanyon Crockett's second question was not as tidy as the first. Because life can be a knotted mess, and, sometimes, love is not enough.

Dartanyon  and Leroy Sutton grubbed their way into my heart four years ago. As an ESPN television features producer at the time, I was always on the hunt for unique athlete pieces. For 10 years, I traveled the country, chronicling human-interest stories against the backdrop of sports. I covered Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan all the way down to disabled amateurs and terminally ill little leaguers who imprinted a special brand of heroics onto this world. What a privilege to be invited into their private pains and sacred celebrations.

But what I found on the wrestling mats at Cleveland's Lincoln-West High School in 2009 caused my spirit to sink and soar, all in the same moment.

Dartanyon was Lincoln's best and strongest talent. He was 5-foot-7 with muscles bunched like buckeyes and a winner in multiple weight classes. He was also homeless, subsisting on the soggy mozzarella sticks and badly bruised apples served in cafeteria lunches. His mama died of an aneurysm when he was 8 years young, at which point family collected him and took him to live in an East Cleveland crack house. Where exactly it was Dartanyon could not say because Dartanyon is legally blind. Born with Leber's disease, a condition that causes acute vision loss, he can barely make out the facial features of a person sitting a few feet away.

Perched atop Dartanyon's back -- yes, riding on his back -- was teammate Leroy Sutton. He traveled around up there because he had no legs, and the school had no elevator. And because when he was 11 years young, he was hit by a train. Yes, a freight train. Though the paramedics saved his life, they could not save his entire body. His left leg was amputated below the knee, his right leg below the hip. His mother, ravaged by guilt, soon slipped into drug use and disappeared for stretches of time, leaving Leroy alone to care for his younger sister. His father spent nearly all of Leroy's youth in jail. The "why" questions haunted Leroy, but he learned to mask their torment with a quick smile.

The one with no legs, being carried by the one who could not see. At first, I stayed because I simply could not look away.

In addition to being intense practice partners, Dartanyon and Leroy shared a handful of classes, always sitting side by side. Dartanyon would get up to sharpen Leroy's pencils; Leroy ensured Dartanyon could read small print. Yet each time I allowed myself to revel in their tenderness, they reverted to teenage humor with a twist that only they could share.

"Did you guys do the homework?" the teacher asked.

"Dartanyon tried," Leroy said, "but he couldn't see it."

"So Leroy ran over," Dartanyon said, "and read it to me."

Afterward, they barreled down the halls together, their echoing laughter the brightest light in that dreary place. Dartanyon kept a hand on Leroy's wheelchair, in part as a guide for himself but also as a protector, a brother, for Leroy. Their teachers remarked to me that they were "some of the good ones."

Their cheerfulness stood out in a school marked by irreverent students and sunken teachers. Seas of black and Latino teens poured through the metal detectors each morning, many stopped for patdowns. One boy wearing no coat on a blistery March morning was turned away, the security guard informing him that he had been expelled the week prior. There was an arrest in the hallway after 10th period. Books were handed out and locked back up after each class. Less than 40 percent would ever graduate; untold numbers were left pregnant. Yet Dartanyon and Leroy moved throughout the chaos with grace, with a refusal to have their hope tainted. "Destined for Greatness," Dartanyon scribbled on his pages throughout the day. They seemed oblivious to the damning limitations on their lives.

Producing the 2009 story, "Carry On," challenged me in ways I previously had not experienced. Instead of telling the story of an individual accomplishment or remarkable moment, this conveyed a friendship. And in order for the nuances of a friendship to unfold naturally on camera, I needed to become a part of it. Calling out "Be funny on the count of three," or "Now convey warmth on this take," is artificial. This story required me to be in on the jokes and move fluidly with the characters.

I found this difficult at first, because I grew up on the other side of Cleveland. The white side. Though I was raised just eight miles west of Lincoln, my parents scrounged up the money for private school to protect me from the public schools and "those people." Through all of their summer yard sales and side jobs, I silently wondered what was so bad about the people "over there" to prompt their determination. Now I realized their internal discomfort was probably akin to the visible uneasiness I wore standing in Lincoln's halls. Small, shy, blond and studious, I would not have survived a week.

But Dartanyon and Leroy eased me in graciously. As we filmed over the course of five months, I tagged along to their classes, their practices and on team bus rides. They taught me their lingo and poked fun when I tried to use it. They opened up about their struggles -- Dartanyon with great eagerness, as I think he had waited his entire life for someone to want to know him, to truly see him. Leroy's revelations emerged more reluctantly. He had been emotionally abandoned too many times before. But sharing his past began a type of therapy for him. Both began to believe that, perhaps, I genuinely cared.

I stayed because I would not be next on the list of people who walked out and over their trust.

After the wrestling season, Dartanyon and Leroy competed in power lifting. Leroy held the Ohio state record in bench press, Dartanyon in dead lift. Immediately following his conference power lifting championship win in April of 2009, Dartanyon discovered that all of his belongings had been taken from the bleachers. Stolen along with them was his right to celebrate. Every victory in his life was ripped from him before he could even taste it.

That week, I drove Dartanyon around town to replace his lost items. A new bus pass. Another cell phone. A trip to the social security office for a state ID, which required a birth certificate, which had been confiscated during his dad's last eviction. His was a cruel world, even for a sighted person. How he endured it in shadows baffled me. I paid for all of his items, arguably crossing a journalistic line. But this was quickly becoming less about a story and all about soothing the suffering. Dartanyon later told me it was during that week of errands that he grew convinced God placed me into his life for reasons beyond television, that no one else would have taken the time and money to help him in those ways.

Soon thereafter, I traveled to Akron to film Leroy's childhood neighborhood. This required a police escort. "Welcome to Laird Street," the officer said smugly. "We call it 'Laird Country,' because once they're born onto Laird, they never leave. They just move from house to house, up and down, following those drugs." Shadowy men loomed on the dilapidated porches of each home, while the streets were filled with children who should have been in school. "Your guy must have been real lucky to get out," the officer remarked.

I stayed because my heart was too heavy for my legs to walk away. Dark clouds hung over every turn of Dartanyon's and Leroy's lives, and I found myself pleading with the heavens to end this madness.

That summer, I feverishly edited "Carry On," praying that just one viewer would be moved to help these boys in meaningful ways. But instead, following its August airings, hundreds emerged! Emails from Africa to England, from Idaho to Ipswich flooded my inbox, every viewer offering money and sharing personal accounts of how this extraordinary friendship shook their souls awake. Dartanyon and Leroy were no longer invisible. Their plights mattered to a world inspired. I curled up on my kitchen floor and wept.

In the month that followed, I personally responded to nearly 1,000 emails, not wanting to miss out on a blessing. Round the clock I harnessed donations, vetted speaking invitations, deciphered financial aid forms, coordinated college visits and ensured Dartanyon and Leroy were finally fed on a daily basis. Each time I shared exciting new developments with them, Dartanyon gushed with thank yous and hugs, broad grins and relieved exhales. But Leroy's stoic posture never budged. "Leroy, if at any point you don't want this, you need to speak up," I said. "The last thing I want is to inflict my desires on you."

"No, it's all good," he said.

"But usually, when it's 'all good,' people smile or say something," I said. "Each time I call you with good news, you are so quiet. I'm not even sure you're on the line."

"No one's ever called me with good news before," he said. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

He once told me that Christmas was his least favorite holiday because his mom wrapped up Bazooka bubble gum and toys from around the house, hoping he wouldn't notice. Having never known pleasure, he had not developed the language to respond to it. "But I am happy inside," he added. "My dreams might come true."

I stayed because I vowed right then to fill Leroy's life with a thousand good things until he simply burst with joy.

In November 2009, thanks to the generosity of ESPN viewers, Leroy moved to Arizona to study video game design at Collins College. I had my doubts that he could manage on his own, but time and again, he disarms his skeptics. He was the first in his family to graduate from high school, and, this August, he will be the first to receive a college diploma. Dartanyon and I will be in the front row, listening as the sound of this cycle of poverty shatters.

Dartanyon received his life-changing offer from the United States Olympic Committee in March 2010. Recognizing his natural athletic abilities, coaches invited him to live at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs to learn the Paralympic sport of judo. This was akin to a winning lottery ticket -- shelter, sport, mentors, school, medical care and, as he proudly showed me on a visit to Colorado, his first bed.

"Top judo athletes begin training at a very young age," his coach confided. "We don't know that Dartanyon can make up the years by the 2016 Games." But a little doubt was all Dartanyon needed to work his fingers into calluses and his heart into that of a champion. In a blur, he swiped a spot on the 2012 Paralympic team to London. Leroy and I crossed the pond and celebrated in the front row as the bronze medal was draped around Dartanyon's neck. Once forgotten by the world, Dartanyon stood on top of it.

"Things like this don't happen to kids like us," he cried on that unimaginable night, his face beaming bronze, his tears soaking into my shoulder.

And he is right. Blind and legless kids from the ghettos don't get college educations and shiny accolades, but they should. And that is why I stayed. Because hope and love and rejoicing and redemption can happen to kids like them. And people like me, people from the "other side," who can soften life's blows for them, ought to help.

Those who know the story behind this story heap a lot of credit onto me for dedicating my last four years to improving Dartanyon's and Leroy's lives. Indeed, I have spent thousands of hours removing obstacles from the paths of their dreams, providing for their needs, reprogramming poorly learned habits, exposing new horizons and piling on the encouragement they need to rise above. I drove Dartanyon to the dentist to drill the first of 15 cavities. I taught Leroy how to pay a bill. I sat with Dartanyon at the social security office to apply for disability benefits, something he could have received all his life had anyone submitted the forms for him. I soothed the burn of Leroy's broken heart and phantom limbs. And through it all, we grew into an eclectic family of our own. We carried on.

When he made a visit to the eye doctor in 2009, I asked Dartanyon to include me on the consent form so I could access his records if need be. Later that day, I received a call from the office administrator. "I just thought you should know what Dartanyon wrote on his consent form today," she said, somewhat undone. "Next to your name, on the release, is a space that says 'Relationship to Patient.' Dartanyon wrote 'Guardian Angel.'"

I stayed because we only get one life, and we don't truly live it until we give it away.

I stayed because we can change the world only when we enter into another's world.

I stayed because I love you.

Lisa currently resides in the Boston area and can be reached at Lisa.M.Fenn@hotmail.com.







Do you have a story similar to this?  Please share in the comments section if so!  Let's pay it forward somehow!

Taken from:  http://m.espn.go.com/general/story?storyId=9454322&src=desktop&wjb

Asheville Adventures (Part 1)

Last week, my friend, Melanie, flew down from PA to NC so she and I could make a quick overnight trip to Asheville. 
 
Last summer, while chasing my hot air balloon ride trip (still haven't blogged about that awesome adventure yet!) with another dear friend, Doris, we got very familiar with Asheville and as a result, I have fallen in love with the artsy, free spirit loving, & charming city! 
 
Melanie takes awesome photos (it's kind of her trade..ha!) and was kind enough to share them with me.  I am behind on blogging about my recent trips and adventures but until I find the time to catch up, here is Mel's flickr page with our photos from Asheville!  Enjoy!

Anything's possible

What a day!

After arriving back to High Point and falling asleep around 2am last night, 07/07 got started bright and early at 6:30am as I awoke to an eager to drink his bottle (almost) 7 month old who didn't go back to sleep. 

The babysitting day went by along with some clouds as the rain held off until the evening. 

Clark and Nick got in some brotherly bonding this morning as we had a lazy start to our Sunday at 7am.

Social Nicholas was more interested in flashing me his sweet smiles than in napping today...

Braden was ready to take on the oversized toys once he awoke from his nap.
Somehow, I missed taking a photo of sweet Mason Noelle today so here is one from the first babysitting week of Summer 2013! 


My goddaughter is such a beauty! 
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151503906386603  --- > Here is a cute video I took of Mason & Clark playing this afternoon.  I love being able to be a part of their imaginations through playing with them (although in this video, I was the neutral bystander taping this little interaction).  :)

After babysitting, the rain fell (in a torrential downpour!!) as I drove over to Sweet Frog in Greensboro to enjoy my "dinner" of a yummy concoction of all things peanut butter cup and cappuccino flavored.  Check out this crazy looking sky where it was raining in some areas yet the sun was shining in others!!


As we threw together our wacky concoctions, when Andy, who is such a gentleman, upon seeing my cup that was half filled with peanut butter cups and topped off with peanut butter sauce with a little bit of frozen yogurt in it, asked if I had enough peanut butter...I had to chuckle.  If he only knew of my family's love affair with chocolate and peanut butter.  Hehe. 

After indulging in our sweet creations, we headed over to Guilford College, the hosting park of Music in the Park (MUSEP) this week.  Since the rain had stopped and the sky seemed to have cleared up, we figured we would be soon listening to music and sipping wine on this summer Sunday night.  As we wandered around Founder's Lawn, and saw small patches of people scattered over the grass, we figured the concert was delayed and surveyed the grounds for a spot to set up our folding chairs.  As we strolled the grounds, a voice from a nearby group called us over and said to, "C'mon and sit down!" with them.  Andy and I looked at each other, shrugged, and joined the circle.  Turns out this gathering of about 15 friendly faces was part of a Meetup Group called, "Anything's Possible", and this was one of their fun social events they had planned in spite of the forecast of rain.  They told us about the concert being canceled but invited us to drink and eat of their food/beverages.  The neat thing about the group was the diversity in where folks hailed from (Canada, San Francisco, Boston, NJ/NY, Winston-Salem, PA, etc.).  I hope to join them in the future at fun events if my schedule permits (especially the event that involves a party bus and wineries..hehe).

We had a fun  MUSEP evening in spite of the missing music.  Andy and I stayed long after the other folks had left and enjoyed the Iron Gate Green Apple wine.  Margo definitely made a good decision to buy that bottle in the spring and give it to me..ha!  So much so, that I think a return trip to my first winery I visited in NC is in order to replenish that yummy tasty wine!  Overall, it was fun sitting on a college campus that reminded me of the Oak Grove at my alma mater, Indiana University of Pennsylvania, with a boy from Pennsylvania.  It was also refreshing to spend time with a true gentleman and I look forward to new & growing relationships/friendships via the new students/faculty at work I will meet next month and those I will meet at future conference presentations/job interviews during what will probably my last year in NC...!!  As we left the pretty campus of GC, we listened to the crickets chirping (ineffectively trying to calculate the night's temperature by counting the number of chirps and adding 40 to it, watched the lightning bugs flash, and remininiscenced about our own college days.  When we got back to the car, as we said goodbye, all of a sudden it sounded like someone had turned on a bath tub spigot, and water came gushing out in the form of an immediate downpour (again).  I'm just glad the rain waited until after we were off campus and by our cars!  Memorable and fun night for sure!!

Of course, I'm still trying to live in the moment, to continue to fully embrace the present while also planning for the future (jobs...moving....where will I wind up?!) but it's neat to realize that honestly, anything is possible!!  =)

1st MUSEP of Summer 2013!  =)


Monday, July 1, 2013

July 1st Milestones

Seven years ago, I eagerly anticipated July 1, 2006.  It was the first day after I had completed my Master's Program since I had taken my last final on the morning of June 30th at Kutztown University.  I also had a fun event on the afternoon of July 1st....one of my best friends married a childhood friend of my brother's in Allentown, PA! 


I proudly stood next to Heather as her maid of honor and what a celebration it was as we danced into the night.  Then, the next morning, I hightailed it over to Ocean City, MD to meet up with Ashley and Jayme for what became our last girls' 4th of July beach getaway.  Every summer since 2002, I had gone with my fun girls, to the beach during 4th of July. 


Those celebratory days feel like forever and a day ago.

In the days leading up to this July 1st, I felt a similar sense of anticipation.  Since 4pm on April 24th, at the conclusion of my disastrous proposal defense meeting, I have been working on my revisions to my dissertation proposal.  Even though my committee and advisor had given me until September to make/submit my revisions, I opted to try to achieve this by July 1st.  Last night, after I worked into the wee hours of the morning, I woke up with a semi-good feeling, albeit I still had nervous feelings in my stomach as well, and looked forward to one last meeting with an outside professor for feedback before hitting the "send" button on my draft email to my committee.

Much like July 1, 2006, I felt excitement and nervous as the anticipation of the afternoon built today.  The morning went quickly with coding an interview, then meeting with colleagues on a different project.  The afternoon contained a mix of emotions as I rode the dissertation rollercoaster of panic, fear, anxiety, and relief tinged with worry.  Why do we PhD students do this to ourselves?!  Sure, riding a rollercoaster is exhilarating but goodness gracious, I don't think my heart can take this much more! 

View from under the Phoenix, a rollercoaster that I grew up on at Knoebels back home. This image sums up the twists and turns and dips and dives that I have dubbed the dissertation rollercoaster process! ;)
So, now it's a waiting game as I hope to hear back from my committee by August 1st.  First of all, I can't believe how quickly the last 2 months went and second of all, I don't want August 1st to get here but I do...because I want to know whether or not I will be able to move forward with Ch. 4 and 5...!  Will my proposal be good enough for my committee?  Will my study be deemed high quality and rigorous enough by these same committee members?  Further, will I be able to use my research in the future long after my time at UNCG has come to an end?  I want to do a good job with the work now but also hope to use it as a building block for future research.  With these questions and thoughts floating in my mind as I drove home from a work meeting on yet another project tonight, I wondered again why I am doing this.  Why did I leave my comfortable life, teaching students and parents I loved working with, sharing ideas and tips with fantastic colleagues whom I'm proud to call friends today....why did I give up a fun social life with friends and regular contact with my parents and brothers to always be racing the clock and trying to meet deadlines?  The research and projects still need to be worked on regardless of whether or not it's summer and how much time you've spent with loved ones that day, both human and furry alike.  Then, I remember how much of an impact my mentors had on me while enrolled in my undergraduate and graduate programs.  I recall the differences in my life my professors have made along the way from IUP to here at UNCG.  I think of all my peers from IUP and my former colleagues at LIU#12 and how wonderful they were at their jobs (even if they did go to Bloom...hehe).  Those are the reasons I'm doing this.  I want to make a difference and to share what I've learned with teachers who will work with my former students.  I want others to realize that just because a child has a disability, doesn't mean he or she can not achieve great things.  We need to raise the bar and expectations and help folks in society realize that just because a person has a hearing loss, a physical disability, a mental health issue, a __________, that person is just as worthy and valued a member of society as the next individual.

That's why I'm doing this. 

So, I suppose, in a way, tonight after having submitted my revisions with doubts and worry lingering in my mind, I feel much like the members of the congregation in attendance at a wedding since there is nothing much to do now but sit back and watch the scene unfold before me.

Until then, onward and upward with the other research projects that are in progress.......I just wish I had some cake.  :P