I can't believe it's July. That means it has now been five months since the Dating to Marriage talk I helped give when teaching abroad. So tonight seems as good a night as any to share with you what the "M" stood for in my little acronym. Anyone remember what the first couple letters represented though?
"P" - pray for your future spouse and the three part prayer
"I" - be more intentional...with your time...dating....and to be selective with whom you choose to invest in or spend your time with while discerning marriage so as to not waste anyone's time.
"C" - center yourself on Christ
Now for the "M"..........drum roll please..........
I recommended that the listeners of the talk allow themselves to be matched. This may seem obvious when thinking about the vocation of marriage but within our dating culture and climate, sometimes we are closed off to being matched even when it is something that we say we want. What I mean when I say that is that sometimes we have a certain stereotype or certain person in mind when we envision our future spouse.
We need to be willing to let go and to allow ourselves to be matched with the person God has in mind for us. This may mean that we need to be willing to be single for the time being which might seem contrary to what the desired result may be. God may still be working on that person or on you. He may still be pruning the branches and getting you ready such as when the branches are pruned to bear fruit and make better wine (John 15:1 -2).
I also think that allowing yourself to be matched means to let yourself meet others in different ways even if unconventional.
Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
If what you've been doing is not bringing you closer to your future spouse then maybe a different way of achieving this dream is needed. I sometimes look at others who are so determined to try to meet someone the same way a family member did...for instance, trying to find someone while in college because so and so met his or her spouse as a college sweetheart. I wonder if perhaps the pressure to repeat their parents' love story, or what happened to a cousin or some other relative, might be a bit much or too intense at times for some of the folks I encounter. Or maybe someone is determined to go out to dance clubs or bars every night in a city since that is "where all the singles hang out" and yet the right person is not found time and again. Yet others might stay in and instead lament over the lack of prospects in that town rather than hitting up the social scene.
No matter the situation, I still say...."Be matched - - or be willing to be matched!"....maybe doing so means you will need to switch up the scene or activity or scenario!
Maybe it means putting yourself out there and going to a new club or group.
Maybe it means trying out a new hobby to meet new people through that avenue.
Or maybe it could mean to set up an online dating profile! ;)
Catholic Match is what was successful for Adam and me to meet six years ago. He had set up his profile on a Saturday night and by lunch time on Monday, we were matched thanks to the interwebs. He joked that he should have gotten the three DAY subscription rather than the three month one!
My point is....take down the walls, remove the defenses, be vulnerable (but smart about it), and put yourself out there to be matched.
Who knows...maybe someone you know will introduce you to a friend - - dare I even say a big sister might do this for her little brother?! :D
Maybe the meeting you missed because you got lost will allow you to strike up a conversation with the seemingly random person in the elevator that might lead to more conversation.
Maybe giving someone a shot at taking you out who defies your usual "type" will lead to something unexpected!
You will never know if you don't allow yourself to experience the possible matchings!
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Friday, July 5, 2019
#welovesha
Many folks have asked what this past semester abroad was
like…it’s so hard to think of one word that would summarize all that happened
while teaching and living in Austria.
The one word that I think attempts to capture the experience
is “full”.
Being a resident of Gaming, Austria while working in my
university’s study abroad program, was quite different from living in
Ohio. We traded in our red brick home on
a hill for a one floor apartment that was housed in an old monastery with snow
piled almost as high as us out the front door.
The practice was to leave a window open for at least a half hour a day
no matter how cold it is and no screens inhabited the windows. Charlotte called the apartment her “castle”
due to the high vaulted ceilings and wooden doors that added to the charm of
where we called home from January through May.
As we spent a day in early January flying to Austria, I thought we were
flying toward a semester that would consist of “just” teaching and one during
which I would not engage in as much scholarship or service.
However, the way the semester turned out ended up being very
different from what I expected. A lot of
opportunities presented themselves in all three aspects of my job (e.g.,
teaching, scholarship, and service) and putting it that way feels like an
understatement!
Another unexpected blessing of living in Austria this past
semester is the beautiful friendships with the women experienced there. Through the start and growth of these
relationships, I was challenged, accepted, loved, able to love, and completely
blessed by all that occurred through the conversations and thoughts shared in
the relationships. One such individual I
got to know while living on the study abroad campus was the female resident
director who oversees the RAs and students in the dorms.
Sha is unlike any other person I have met. She is delightful. She is real.
She is “tell it as it is” and is wise.
She has faced hard times and difficulties in her past. She is a support if you are walking through a
valley in your own life. She has
overcome. She is struggling. She is healing. She is a fighter. However, I didn’t know these things about Sha
when I first met her. Here is how I
recall that first day of meeting Sha. I
had been invited to her birthday party as one of the women of the
Kartause. I remember wondering if it
might be awkward that I be there that night given that I had only been a part
of the community for a few days by that point.
However, I also remember feeling excited to interact and mingle with the
women as I had been in touch with them via email prior to my arrival and had
already met some of them in the first few days.
However, Sha was someone I had not met or interacted with…yet. That all changed the morning of her birthday
party night though. I attended an all
staff/faculty meeting and who sat next to me but none other than this Sha
person I had been hearing about via the email invite to her birthday
celebration! I introduced myself to her
but there was no time for small talk as the meeting was about to begin. As we made introductions and got down to
business, I recall being impressed by Sha’s passion for what she does via the
discussion and questions that came up about student care and the needs of the
university. At some point, during the
meeting, when we had a small break, Sha leaned over and commented on my
Charlotte and birthstone rings, which was touching for her to notice that small
detail about my jewelry. Once the
meeting ended, we were all swept up in conversations as we departed the meeting
space but I remember leaving and feeling more excited than nervous about the
women’s gathering planned for that evening since I had felt so at ease around
Sha and didn’t feel as if I would be intruding.
Fast forward to her birthday celebration that night, where I
met many of the other women from the community for the first time; it was time
to honor the birthday guest. Courtney
suggested we go around the room and share one word that described Sha as we
spoke of the impact she had on our lives.
I really enjoyed getting to know Sha, and the other women, better in
this way! It reminded me of previous
retreats I had gone on and allowed me to observe firsthand the close-knitness
(is this a word??) and care everyone had for one another. I really appreciated being able to start my
own relationships with these women and to be a small part of this community and
continued to feel appreciation for this throughout the whole semester. It is one of the things I miss the most being
back in Ohio - - the close friendships with the other women in Gaming really
touched me and I would love to further cultivate those bonds with others here
as well.
Somehow, by the end of the night, Sha and I ended up being the
last ones to leave Courtney’s house. As
we said goodbye to our gracious hostess, I told Sha (after having only
interacted with her for a few hours at that point) that she reminded me of the
word, “effervescent”, and even now after having gotten to know her over the
last semester, I still think this is a good word for Sha. Merriam-Webster defines this adjective as:
effervescent
ef·fer·ves·cent | \ ˌe-fər-ˈve-sᵊnt \
Definition of effervescent
1: having
the property of forming bubbles : marked by or producing effervescencean effervescent beverageeffervescent saltsan effervescent tablet
2: marked
by or expressing an appealingly lively quality an effervescent person/personalitya
song with an effervescent melodyShe was a marvel with the
press: fresh, direct, effervescent.— Bruce Anderson Conditions being as they were
at Brinkley Court … I hadn't expected the evening meal to be particularly effervescent.
Nor was it. Silent. Sombre. The whole thing more than a bit like Christmas
dinner on Devil's Island.—
P. G. Wodehouse
Even after having gotten to know Sha beyond that first work
meeting and her birthday party, I stand by this description. Sha has an appealingly lively quality even
when talking about the hard subjects or engaging in a serious topic of
conversation. She spills over wisdom and
strength without trying. The passion and
life within her for what she believes in and advocates for has a way of rising
to the surface and bubbling over to impact others. She coordinated an Easter Egg hung for the
children of the Kartause, advocated for rights of others, and helped those
around her to face insecurities or overwhelming feelings through her
counseling/therapist background. She
helped me take a long dreamt about trip to Venice by taking me under her wing
and navigating the city of waterways together!
Charlotte also grew to love Sha while we were living abroad. Too many times to count, she would call out, "SHHHHAAAAA!!!" when seeing her out and about in the courtyard, running down the hallway of the monastery walls to show her a toy, or when seeing her in the pew across from us at mass. Sha always lit up when she saw our daughter and welcomed her with open arms. She didn't hide her emotions and her beauty shone through even when crying as sharing a profound thought or revelation. Don't tell anyone, but I especially enjoyed our walks back to the Kartause after our Book Study nights because we would be able to continue some conversations one-on-one during the three minute walk back to our respective homes as I picked her brain on some other topic or comment made earlier in the evening in the group setting. Our girls' getaway to Venice was extra special because of the laughs shared ("It's hailing!"), lessons learned (life is too short to drink something you don't like and guard your water taxi ticket with your life), there are time you just gotta take charge ("Make sure Dr. Reister is on the bus!"), and I'll never forget all the inspiring moments (both ordinary and extraordinary) shared with this beautiful sweet friend who is full of life and spirit. Always ready to serve others, through her words and actions, Sha was the person ready to hold a child, was the one ready to help clean, could spark others into action, or could just sit and be a listening ear when needed.
This is why when I said goodbye to Sha on May 20th, I did so happily knowing I would see her in a month or so, since she was scheduled to be in Ohio
for a visit this summer! I knew that while I wouldn't benefit from being around her all the time as I had been accustomed to, that I would see her in the not so distant future! I hugged her
knowing it was just a “See you later” instead of a final goodbye.
However, you guys, in the weeks between then and now, we
learned some shocking news about Sha’s health and I wasn’t able to see her again
so soon as planned. In spite of running,
dancing, playing soccer, grabbing life and living it - - I mean realllly living it! - - and living every second of life with the
friends and colleagues she had made during the past couple years in Austria,
she was recently diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. What????
Sha is young. Sha is full of life
- - bubbling over with it. Sha is such a
gift to others. Sha has faced so much in
her life and her past and now this? Why is this
happening???
However, what we CAN do is pray and keep Sha in our thoughts
at all times - - let’s try to wrap her up and lift her as she has inspired and
lifted so many by her presence. If you
feel so inclined, you can view this Gofundme page that has been set up to
assist Sha with her medical expenses in the upcoming months but, really,
prayers are so so so needed. Prayers to
help Sha face this battle that lies before her, to help her know how loved and
appreciated she truly is, and to help her to rise up this seemingly unclimbable
mountain. She has asked for space and
time to process all this news and information so I’m throwing in there requests
for prayers of assuredness and clarity on her part. Jesus, we trust in you. Lord, please provide Sha the graces and
strength needed to fight this fight.
Provide the medical team with wisdom in helping Sha come up with the
treatment plan needed to tackle this.
Allow Sha freedom from the torment, doubts, insecurities, and anything
else that may be holding her back from peace at this difficult time.
I was already so incredibly thankful for the Spring 2019 semester in
Austria but am now extra grateful for it due to the people I met and the graces
that resulted from these encounters.
Sha, in particular, has helped me to face some scary things in regard to
trying to heal from recent wounds, and I pray she receives the same
support/blessings in her new surroundings as she seeks to find her way in a new
place away from familiar comforts. God
is unchanging and everywhere..may she feel His presence and light during the
extra dark days ahead…thanks for reading, friends, and please please please
pray.
My friend the world wanderer! |