Make your own light

Today marks exactly one year since my interview at my university.

I can so clearly remember how cold it was that gray Wednesday afternoon last year as I nervously yet excitedly met my now colleagues for the first time, fielded interview questions from the Dean and various committees, taught my first oversized class of students on campus, and pondered whether this place would be a good fit for me...in light of financial and personal reasons.

365 days later I am sitting here in a house Adam and I bought as I work to grade mid-term exams and field texts/emails about wedding attire and again mulling over financial and personal issues.  Much like the job interview process last year, I'm learning that you can't please everyone when trying to plan the wedding this year.  To think I thought if I had the details figured out sooner than later that I could somehow eliminate the stress, anxiety, and completely enjoy the last remaining months leading up to the wedding makes me shake my head right now.

How many times have we planned and prepared for something just for God to show us that it wasn't His will?  How many hours have been spent prepping for an event only to have obstacle after obstacle prevent it from turning out the way you envisioned?  When will we learn to just let it go and relinquish control?  To let go of the people pleasing attribute and just do the best we can with what we have right here right now?  It is virtually impossible to make everyone happy but if you try to assert yourself you can be viewed as unyielding, relentless, or not accommodating.  I see this in my teaching style as I try (not always successfully) to reach all of my students but again, in a class of 25+ students, you won't satisfy everyone.  What a metaphor for life...in the real world classroom as one of my sisters-in-law reminded me tonight, you will have as many opinions or wants as the number of people you know.  How beautifully diverse a tapestry we have because of that.  If we all had the same thoughts or opinions we would have a drab piece of fabric.  This line of thought also makes me think of a conversation from this morning.  A friend is struggling within her family with some really difficult circumstances and we remarked how sometimes it is a real struggle to focus on the blessings in our lives rather than the crosses. If you could keep this family in your prayers as they walk through the dark times right now that would mean the world to me!  Personally, today was full of many highs and lows; one that contained a full out ugly cry in which Dusty Shamrock just kept on playing with his new treat instead of coming over to the couch to comfort me as he usually does (silly pup!), led to feeling so far behind/overwhelmed in schoolwork due to not getting started on the grading until 5pm, included seeing a beautiful sky blue dress on my phone that will be worn in less than 3 months, dissolving into tears before 10:45am this morning, finally nailing down a dance step I had been trying to learn in a dance class this afternoon, and getting excited for an upcoming experiment between a colleague's and my classes as we work hard on a collaborative project that we started planning last fall.

I've always been a firm believer of "behaving your way out of something" so that's just what I'm going to do with the remainder of this day.  I'm going to continue plucking away at the grading in an attempt to get this stack of mid-terms graded within the next 90 minutes and I will WILL behave myself out of the gloom...and try to make my own light!  No one wants to be around misery...not even the pup apparently.  I will aim to forget the gray snowy surroundings and the dreary feelings and keep the inner eye on the beautiful upcoming colors of spring that are less than 30 days away as we creep closer to March.  Here's to positive thinking!

For God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to bring to light the knowledge of the glory of God on the face of [Jesus] Christ. ^{~ 2 Corinthians, Chapter 4}

Surprise publication!

In the craziness of completing my evaluation (aka drowning my sorrows in chocolate as I cry over the not so nice words written by some of my former students in their critiques), prepping for a second weekend in a row of traveling out of state when the to-do list in Ohio is a mile long and growing, trying to keep my head afloat amidst the never ending grading and planning, wondering how the wedding invitations will turn out, staring in shock at the shrinking numbers until May 23rd, and painting over at the new house otherwise known as the spring semester thus far,

I


completely


forgot



something.









This!  http://www.listeningandspokenlanguage.org/PerceptionsofIdentity/

Woop, woop, hello 10th publication!*

Kemmery, M.  (2014).  Are you deaf or hard of hearing or?  Perceptions of identity in students with hearing loss and their families.  New research from The Volta Review.  Volta Voices, 21 (6), November/December 2014.   

* In blogging about this, I realized I forgot to blog about # 7, 8, and 9...oops.

Extra Credit Time

I gave my first exam of the new semester on Friday.  If you'll recall from blog postings last semester, I give my students extra credit questions to answer at the end of the exams.  One question I usually start out with on the first exam is "List a random trivia item about your professor here:  __________"

I'm always tickled by the responses and this round of exams proved no different.  It's amazing to see what really sticks with the students by reading their responses...and to realize which one didn't realize I was being sarcastic when I shared a random trivia item while teaching.  Can you figure out which one it is??

• She's   ENGAGED!!!
• She loves her state - PA!  She has hearing aids and is engaged!!  :)
• She's removing wallpaper at home.
• She lost her St. Francis charm :( / She just moved.
• She's getting married soon!!  :)
• Loves her niece & nephews a lot :) .  Engaged and just BOUGHT A HOUSE :)
• Air force brat :)
• Her family, when playing game, puts * by a questionable win/move
• She's from Pennsylvania and is a Woman of Grace :) ----> this one is probably one of my most favorite answers ever!  Loved the Women of Grace bible study I completed twice in Pa in 2007!)
• Has a twin brother - how cool is that???
• She is engaged to be married in May
• She thinks PA is the best state
• She is painting a room in her house blue
• She just recently bought a house and loves to remove wallpaper!

Feast Day of St. Francis de Sales

Today is the feast day of St. Francis de Sales.  Exactly one year ago today to this very minute, I was with most of my family at the conclusion of my dissertation defense that fell on his feast day last year (Godicidentally).  I had just successfully defended my dissertation and shortly after we were enroute to my favorite Irish restaurant in High Point, NC:  Claddagh.  Here is the posting I wrote after that incredible day if you would like to read about it and view pictures!

I have been missing my family today but the memories of that exciting afternoon are bringing happiness and joy to me out here in Ohio as I cuddle with Dusty and attempt to buckle down and be productive. I wish I could say that one year later, I'm not spending long Saturday afternoons doing schoolwork but alas, that is what I took a break from just now to pen this little post.  Someday (soon I hope) I will strike a balance and manage to get it all done without losing my sanity.  This quote, one of my favorite quotes of St. Frances de Sales, has gotten me through many long hours of schoolwork when I would much rather be socializing, sleeping, well doing just about anything else:

“It is love that gives value to all our works; it is not by the greatness or multiplicity of our works that we please God, but by the love with which we do them.” 


However, in light of current wedding planning stress, this one is more appropriate for me these days...patience, patience, patience....something I always seem to need to grow in it seems!

“Know that the virtue of patience is what assures us the most perfection.”

Keeping the Hope Alive

Last night my other housemate returned to our home in Ohio.  As she shared her stories of her day of travel from Texas then on to NC before finally landing in Pittsburgh, I smiled on the inside as she spoke of her brief layover in Charlotte because it was one year ago today I found myself at the Charlotte Airport.  I recall arriving there over an hour early since I was so excited to pick up Adam from there to spend time with him in person for the very first time.  After exactly three months of emailing, talking on the phone, and skyping, I remember texting my friend, Lisa, from the cell phone parking lot in excited anticipation as I waited for Adam's plane to land.  That last hour before receiving that call from him that he was at the terminal seemed to go slower than a spoonful of honey pouring into a bowl but oh my was the outcome so sweet.  Here is the first picture we snapped together in my car that night...looking back on this a year later, it's beautiful to see all the emotions happening in this photo!

The next week and a half were a blur as we covered ground from Winston-Salem to High Point to Greensboro to Stoneville in North Carolina.  He met my family, colleagues, and friends from church and school/work.  We read the book, "It is Well", by Chris Faddis and went to Geeksboro Cinema gamehouse for the first time.  A family dinner was prepared by us as my parents got to know him over dinner conversation.  My niece and nephews fell in love with him pretty quickly calling him "Mr. Adam".  We witnessed my friend, Sarah's wedding to her hubby and ate a delicious meal at Southern Roots after the wedding.  Quiet time was had at the Adoration chapel at Maryfield, the St. Francis Springs Prayer Center, and little St. Kevin's at Pennybyrne but then we stayed up half the nights talking about anything and everything.  Snow fell that week which delayed some of my student teaching observations allowing for more time together in the early mornings before I had to go to work.  He listened to a run-through of my dissertation defense on campus and we enjoyed a dinner out at Melting Pot.  We kicked off the 2014 Theology on Tap series at a local Italian family style restaurant and by the end of the visit had discerned we were going to give this relationship a try in spite of the distance.  One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to put Adam back on the plane and watch him walk away in Charlotte at the conclusion of that trip.  I remember crying as I pulled away from the curb and not stopping until I was about halfway back to High Point knowing I was going to see him again that night on Skype but when would I be seeing him in person again??

Then the real world reminded me it was still there and panic set in as I began to think about the dissertation defense that very next afternoon.  Even though I was prepared as I was ever going to be, it felt like I was on an emotional high from having spent time with Adam but then doubting whether or not I would pass my defense the next day.  I have been thinking of that dissertation defense lately because of not only the time of year it is now but also because I will be giving that same speech at a conference presentation in one month in St. Louis through my poster presentation and again over St. Patrick's Day week in New Orleans at a platform presentation.  I will have to blow off the dust on that presentation and wear my cosmic Jamberry nail wraps (they look like rainbows and will tie nicely with my rainbow analogy I give in my presentation...it's the little things right?  Doesn't take much to make this girl happy..ha!).

So, today is fortunately a day away from campus...one that will find me on a Skype call with Margo to talk about manuscript revisions at 8:30am before having coffee at my neighbor's house at 10am.  Next, I hope to spend a significant amount of time at the new house painting and vacuuming helping to prepare Adam for his transition from being a guest to resident in our new town and state.  What an incredible week that was last January as well as this one as we help Adam get settled in our new home!  It's amazing how much can change in one quick year with only 128 days remaining until the wedding and I get to move to our cozy little house!  We haven't skyped since mid December since thank God we've been together in person every day since I flew out there for the holidays and we drove cross country back to Ohio.  You would think after 710 hours  30 minutes and 35 seconds of Skyping everyday since November 11, 2013 (except for four days we missed) we would be out of things to talk about but we're still chatting away these days.  I'm so thankful for healing mercies, redemptive suffering, and forgiving grace through God & that He brought us together in spite of our past mistakes, flaws and all.  This morning, I sit here in awe at all that He has orchestrated. I can hardly wait to see what He does next in our lives!

For those of you reading this who may be struggling with despair or wondering if things will ever turn around for you...please know you're in my prayers and please do hang on to that hope even if it's just a lingering feeling you may have.  It is never too late to change destructive patterns or to change your ways to be on a better path no matter how far you may have strayed from it on your journey.  Maybe we need to improve our prayer life or perhaps we need to devote more time to cultivating relationships with one another.  Or there may be room for growth at work or in gaining personal knowledge in an area.  Some may feel called to engage in different dating habits (e.g., courting vs. dating, being more intentional in whom you date/what you do with your dates) while others may want to change what is you do in your spare time or others may need to put themselves out there beyond their comfort zones.  Work may need to be done in some of these areas or maybe only one needs to be the focus.

However, none of this is in vain since all things do work for the good of the Lord, even if we don't see the results just yet (or even if we never do).  Ask God to help your unbelief if this is something you may struggle with and be open to whatever it is He wills for your life because it really could all change in an instant.  From someone who's been there...don't lose the hope...!

Conclusion of Road Trip!

Yesterday Adam, Dusty Shamrock, and I packed up his car and headed on west from my parents' home to Ohio for the final leg of our journey.  Dusty was a patient back seat driver albeit a comical one with his furry handlebar mustache that got more and more pronounced each time he raised his head from his doggie bed.

 

Here is a blurry Welcome to Ohio state sign as we crossed the bridge to enter good ol' Steubenville last night.  Even though OH is not CA, I hope Adam can grow to like it as we set out to make a home here together after the wedding!  Please keep him in your prayers as he goes through this huge life transition of moving from one coast to the other. 

We spent the first couple hours back at the house opening three weeks' worth of mail and Christmas gifts that had arrived while I was in California.  Thanks to friends and family for all the holiday love!!

Dusty loved being back home with his familiar toys and had lots of energy to burn after being in the car the last five hours!

I took Adam over to campus to show him some of my favorite areas on campus.  Unfortunately, with it still being break, the buildings were locked.  It's nice to know that my work is so secure though!

 

Stained glass windows outside Christ the King Chapel

We even had snow on our first night back in Ohio!  We were thankful to be in a cozy warm house as the snow fell in the moonlight.

Excuse the mess as I worked to unpack while Adam got his work station set up for work today.

 

I am already reaping the benefits of having Adam here....I'm LOVING the dual monitor set up for work!  Now off to work on getting Blackboard ready for all four of my classes in time for next week's start of the new semester using both my laptop and desktop monitors!!  Here's to a super duper productive afternoon of getting schoolwork done in half the time through the dual monitors.  Fingers crossed!!

Road Trip Adventures on Pause

The last few days have been spent at home in sweet home Schuylkill County.  Adam and I made it back to my parents' house in time to celebrate New Year's Eve with my NC niece and nephews who were here for a few days visiting their grandparents.

Today was the first quiet day we had since my sister-in-law picked them up today.  The last few days were a whir of eating, playing with the children, relaxing, eating, watching football, eating, and running errands.  One of the errands included ensuring Adam was appropriately dressed for the winter by using the Kohl's gift cards from some of my family to buy Adam a winter coat and gloves to match the hat and scarf from my little brother.

Until today, Adam had never heard the sound of falling ice...

We got those items just in time due to the ice storm we received today!!  Fortunately, the weather did not keep us from enjoying our dinner out after mass at Oak Hill Inn off 61.

The "Little Schuylkill" Punch was delicious!

Cheers!

 

Our dishes were almost too pretty to eat!

 

 Tomorrow we will be back on the road as we finish our our road trip and reach our final destination for now.....Ohiiiiio!  :)