Being Filled

Whoa, this is pretty powerful. Yesterday was really rough with regard to not being able to have more kiddos. It was my first day back to work for the new semester and a colleague asked if I was having another baby. I was so shocked at the question I kind of froze. Apparently the way I was standing and the dress I wore made me look like I was pregnant. I stammered my way through saying no, I have fallen off the bandwagon of exercising and eating healthy over break when inside I was screaming oh I wish, I soooo wish we were as the tears threatened to fall.

Being back on campus again reminds me of the huge families that abound not only in our town but at work. That had been one of the reasons I wanted to come work here as I had wanted to be in an environment that supported my dream of a big Catholic family. Now it feels like such a huge burden and reminder of what can't be.

So when I saw this image during this morning's prayer time, it spoke straight to my wounded heart. My uterus was so brutally ripped away and abruptly taken away from me without much notice but only after our beautiful daughter had safely resided in it for nine months and not while she was still in the womb thank God. Yes, the uterus was taken away but not before it was filled with someone who helps to bridge the pain with her smiles and energy. God gave me His daughter for now because really we are all His children. What a gift and honor to be entrusted with the task of parenting this one precious child of God.

The hysterectomy has so utterly wrecked and many days it feels as if it has destroyed me. I have made no secret of that and if I am being truthful, it has affected all areas of my life probably in ways I have yet to explore and keep buried for fear of going deeper in to the painful abyss.  So to say it overturned me is putting it mildly but what I can overturn is my attitude and to try to see ways that I can be filled. I can try to not compare myself to the mothers of multiples I wanted to be. I can try to grow in my empathy of others when they express challenges they face over parenting and multitasking a larger brood instead of thinking wistfully how I wish I were in their shoes. I can try to overturn the feeling of jealousy and seek to embrace the joy I do have. Adam literally did this last night when I got home from work and tearfully recounted the  events if the day.  He had scooped up Charlotte in his arms and snuggled with her as I spoke to him. I am so grateful for the family I do have and need to allow that to fill me up rather than the despair.

So bring on the spiritual mothering through teaching and advising for the new semester. I am excited to meet my new students and a ministry that is near and dear to my heart is evolving. I am thankful I have my work and my family I can throw myself into and to be serving others in these ways. Lord, please help me to feel more filled rather than knocked over... Not my will but yours!

Help a brother out no?

I want to introduce you to someone.  He is funny, tall, charming, funny, smart, adored by his nieces and nephews, and did I mention funny? 

He is the kind of guy who drives from Delaware to Ohio after a long half day of work just to be there for me during one of the darkest times in my life to date.  His sense of humor and personality, in addition to my twin's presence and the support of my parents, helped Adam and me to transition from the hospital to home with itty bitty Charlotte during those first few days post op and amidst the shock of everything that had occurred over the last four days.

Proudly holding his goddaughter during her "first" time at school - - it was his idea to go there on the first day we were home from the hospital...lol!

Patrick is the youngest in our family but made his presence known from the start.  I remember, as a little girl, asking my mom why my baby brother was so loud and how Mom and Dad reveled in the fact that he loved to sleep in as a child compared to his older siblings who were up at the crack of dawn.  In high school, I recall teen girls fussing over my kid brother and shaking my head wondering what was so charming about the little rascal. As a high school student, Patrick excelled at each sport he played.  He is often the winner nowadays when we play board games.  Later, as he and I were the single ones once my twin and older brother married their wives, he and I were able to do fun day trips and vacations together as we shared a mutual love for a band he introduced me to called Dawes.  Now that we live a couple states away from each other with differing schedules, social media and texting are what keep us connected.

Patrick is fiercely loyal and also researches everything he does whether it be buying a new toaster oven, planning an appreciation day for a girlfriend (he's very romantic!), or picking out fun gifts for the kiddos in his life.

This is why it was no surprise to hear that an upcoming hike he plans to do will benefit others.  Learning that he was planning to hike the Appalachian Trail in the first place was unexpected news and since I found out on April 1st, I thought it was an April Fool's joke.  However, we then learned that he had been researching this adventure and got it cleared at work that he could take a six month sabbatical to hike this trail.  I so admire my little brother for his determination and dedication to this feat but when I learned of his plans to raise funds to help wounded veterans and their caregivers, my admiration rose to a whole new level.  Yes, I will worry myself sick the whole six months he will be out in the wilderness praying that he won't twist an ankle, get bitten by a snake, encounter a bear, or worse.  However, what a beautiful opportunity for him to experience God's glorious artistry through nature and to have an experience of a lifetime!  The fact that he was able to raise so much money for charity on top of this is phenomenal!  He is still shy of his goal so if you feel called to help or give in any way, please consider doing so.

Here is a link with more information.  In any event, prayers will be happily accepted as he plans to start the hike in March and wrap up in September!!

Lost & found on New Year's Day!

This morning began filled with noise and Christmas cheer as four of our nieces and nephews awoke to play with some of the toys they had received at our belated Christmas celebration and to read some of the special snow people books that lay in waiting underneath the Christmas tree.  One by one the adults woke up and began packing and readying themselves for the day as cars were prepared for the trips home from our humble little abode.  Since moving to Ohio, it has become tradition to celebrate New Year's together here since my little family and I spend our Christmases in sunny California.

By early afternoon, a quietness had settled over the house as my brother, sister-in-law, their four children,and my parents embarked for central and northeastern Pennsylvania.  Charlotte wandered from room to room as Adam and I kicked back and relaxed observing our little one as she played with toys.  Within a half hour, however, the peace and calm were unexpectedly disrupted when Charlotte Annie threw up; was it the Peppermint Brownie Trifle she had eaten after we watched the ball drop last night or perhaps it was from the new cereal she had tried at breakfast.  Regardless of the cause, she proceeded to vomit a couple more times throughout the rest of New Year's Day prompting cleaning of the couch and living room floor twice, washing the kitchen floor, disinfecting the tub and tub toys, and three outfit changes for both mother and daughter.  Her playful spirit and good natured personality have not been affected by this uncharacteristic sickness so my guess is she has had too many new foods/sweets/or it is due to our being off schedule rather than a virus of some sort.

Three weeks ago, Adam completed his last final on a Friday morning and by the next morning, we were on a plane headed for southern California.  We have been going nonstop throughout the holiday season and returned to snowy wintry Ohio just in time to host New Year's.  The next few days will involve a slower pace and hopefully time to recover from today's sickness.  At one point during the changing/bathing/cleaning sprees, I had hurriedly placed my necklace in the bathroom closet to discover a beloved charm was missing.  I spent ten minutes searching the other shelves, floor, and contents of the bathroom closet but to no avail.

This particular charm was sent to me as a complete surprise by my friend, Margo, from our time together in our doctoral program.  Margo now lives in Nebraska but we have thankfully been able to stay in touch not only as colleagues but as friends.  The summer after Charlotte was born, when she was about three months old, Margo sent me this sparkly package that contained a shiny silver charm that had, "It is well", engraved on it. Upon coming home from a Vacation Bible School planning meeting and opening that day's mail, I burst into tears when I saw what this small package contained.  What Margo couldn't have known was that the song, It is Well, had been personally selected by Adam and me as one of Charlotte's baptism mass songs that would occur later that summer.  Since then, I have gone back to the lyrics of this song countless times over the last 22 months as we journey this path of the highest of joys and deepest of sorrows.

 This is a posting I had made on the company's Facebook page that evening:  A dear friend sent me this necklace as a gift in the mail today. I am so touched by it. The backstory is that my husband of one year and I had our first child three months ago. Our little Charlotte Ann is truly our miracle baby as we had unexpected complications the night of her birthday that led to my almost dying before two major surgeries were performed the second of which was a hysterectomy. While we are overjoyed with our daughter I am also still processing all that has happened and working through the grieving/anger/denial/shock of it all. Some days are better than others but today was particularly rough for me which made seeing the surprise package in the mailbox all the more enjoyable. I knew I was going to cry when I read the information card about the company before opening the lovely little box. However, I completely lost it and bawled like a baby when I saw what the gift was. My friend had no way of knowing that we had heard this song at mass last weekend and had decided to have it be included as part of our daughter's Baptism Mass coming up in July. Love the Godicidence and thank you for what you do in helping to bring hope and healing to mamas! <3

Now that you know a bit more about this special charm, you can understand why I was so frantic about locating it when I realized it had fallen off the chain in the bathroom closet earlier today.  I sent up a quick prayer to St. Anthony as I gave up looking and went downstairs to check on the laundry.  As I walked back up the stairs with arms full of overflowing clean laundry, I stopped in my tracks when I saw something shiny gleaming up at me from the middle step of our staircase.  There, in the dead center of the middle of the stairs so that it was exactly eye level as I climbed the stairs, sat the missing charm!!  I have not the faintest idea how it got there but all I know is this.  It. Is. Well.  Yes, it is.  Even when sadness lurks in every corner, happiness is also there.  When disappointments can overshadow the joys, it is still well.  The Lord does provide even if it may differ from your expectations.  Support systems of family and friends help to get one another through tough times.

Today is the start of the new year.  This is the chance to make a fresh start and to change what is not working to try to do something else that may be more effective.  It      is       well.  Challenges help to make you into who you're meant to be and the good can hopefully be appreciated all the more after going through the not so good things.  It may be dark right now but light always finds a way to shine.  Looking at the context of today's events, Charlotte is fighting some sort of sickness but I 'm so thankful that she will be well eventually.  She is still here with us and is an overall healthy little girl.  I'm grateful for the smelly laundry because it means we have a precious little girl to wear those clothes.  I'm glad that our hugs and kisses help to make her smile as we clean the mess from her hair and neck because we have the physical ability to use our arms and mouths to provide comfort to her.  I'm thankful for the cleaning supplies to try to remove the odor from the carpet and furniture because it means we have a roof over our head and the means to furnish our home.

Yes, this sweet gift from Margo was lost and found today and I'm grateful for this tangible reminder that all is well with my soul even if it does not feel that way at times.  May 2018 be a blessed (and healthy) year for all!

November Challenge Day 21 - 30

Day 21:  This was the day I had marked in my planner that we would drive to Pennsylvania after Adam finished classes to get started on our Thanksgiving Break.  However, Dad asked us to push back our trip home due to Mom not feeling well.  We obliged and decided to make the trip home the next morning.  Due to our being in town tonight unexpectedly, Charlotte Annie and I were able to go ahead and join some friends at Light Up Night in the downtown area.  What a sight it was!!  The nutcrackers were out in full display complete with fireworks over the river!  I'm thankful for the local traditions and fun our town is working to continue or establish.  Charlotte and I enjoyed our time with some girlfriends as we watched the dazzling lights and immersed ourselves in holiday hustle and bustle.  We then had a delicious dinner at one of our favorite restaurants:  Texas Roadhouse.  Marita, Charlotte, and I were able to meet up with Adam and chat over dinner.  Such a lovely night!

Day 22:  I'm thankful for a husband who will drive the whole way to my parents' house (it's about a 5 hour drive with no stops) so that I can work on Christmas cards and schoolwork from the front passenger seat. 

Day 23:  Today is Thanksgiving and is my all time favorite holiday.  I love being together with family, the day long prep of food, snuggling on the couch, and watching the children play together as family reunites.  I'm thankful for days like these that allow us to reflect on all we're grateful for and to gather together counting our blessings.  I'm also thankful for pumpkin pie and extra whipped cream on top that I may have had multiple servings of today....ahem.

Day 24:  Today was extra special since I met my new nephew and godson!  Daniel Mark was born two weeks and one day ago on 11/09 and I finally got to hold and meet him!!  He was so tiny and small and so itty bitty cute!  Charlotte loved meeting her newest cousin and excitedly exclaimed, "Baby!  Baby!" which was adorable.  I'm grateful for babies and children who remind us grown ups to slow down and live in the present.  What precious gifts they are!

Day 25:  Adam and I were able to steal away for an hour or so to do some clothes shopping for him during the first part of today.  He will be working in the area schools next semester and given that he had worked from home for so long, his "professional" clothes are limited.  We were able to take advantage of some Black Friday deals a few days late and get him some nice shirts to wear come January.  It was nice to be out and about with just him while Charlotte played with her cousins at her grandparents' house.  Then, this evening, my parents, Adam, Charlotte, and I went to mass and out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in the Harrisburg area.  It has been probably 8 or 9 years since I last went to Your Place restaurant but my baked supreme chicken nachos were just as good as I remembered!  It was nice to have this one on one time with my parents after having shared them with so many other family members before driving back to Ohio.  Reflecting on how much I enjoy this time with my parents makes me hope that Charlotte Annie feels that way about hanging out with Adam and me as she gets older.  Although a part of me thinks I relish these moments with my parents because as one of many, we all share our parents and it's only human to want to squeeze all the time you can get especially as we all get older and live apart from one another.  Yet, for our Charlotte, she most likely will not have to compete for her Dad's and my attention and will always have it...so it makes me wonder if she will take it for granted or if she will not enjoy it as much as I do being one of four.  In any event, I'm happy to be here for her as her mother and to serve in that capacity the best I can to meet her needs as long as possible.  So, this one ended up being a bit of a rambling reflection but I guess what it all boils down to is that I'm thankful for new chances.  Chances for Adam to start a new career.  The chance for the two of us to spend alone time together.  A chance to try to meet Charlotte's needs to the best of our ability as her parents and to Adam's and my parents for being such terrific role models for us.

Day 26:  This will seem minor but today I'm thankful for our Christmas decorations/traditions especially those grounded in our faith.  I say this as I spent today decorating the tree and putting out the Christmas decorations.  I am also excitedly awaiting the Sacred Sunday mass journal that I will be getting in the mail any day now.  It starts on the first day of Advent and I look forward to this period of preparation and waiting.  I am hopeful that I can work on my prayer life and go a bit deeper with the masses during the upcoming Sundays / Holy Days as we embark on traditions, both new and old, of the upcoming holiday season.

Day 27:  As I oversaw the work meeting with some of the student leaders for Students Serving Moms this afternoon at work, I was overcome by gratitude for them.  Together, as a team, we prepped materials for this week's helper social to be held on campus.  These girls have stepped up all throughout the semester and put their heart and soul into the ministry not only as helpers but as student leaders through representing Students Serving Moms at the Ministry Fair in August, by answering questions/emails and spreading the word about the group on campus, creating crafts and leading volunteer activities at a local nursing home and helping out with the Infant Class at a local Montessori school, and by holding informational sessions and two helper socials this semester.  These student leaders have done so much out of the kindness of their hearts and I'm hopeful they will continue their service through the spring semester!

Day 28:  To be frank, today was super challenging and at times, I found it hard to be grateful.  It was a very very very trying day with Charlotte as many of them have been lately...she has been getting into everything, has tantrums, and has been a force to reckon with (just today alone, I had to vacuum three times to clean messes) all throughout the day.  However, it is in these messy moments of cleaning up the paper shredder contents for the second time or picking up the scattered contents of my planner or finding coffee Keurig pods in the bathtub, that I have the chance to allow God to pour out His graces to help me to make the choice to embrace the chaos rather than to get angry and frustrated.  I am glad Charlotte is learning more about her world in such a hands-on way and know that these days are fleeting.  Yet, when I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically drained it's easy to lose sight of this.  That night, as I walked the neighborhood with a friend for a much needed reprieve, I made the analogy of God pouring out His graces on us when we looked up at the constellation of the Big (or Little?) Dipper.  I'm grateful for the chance to get out in the crisp cool air to look up at the clear night sky with the bright stars and the twinkling festive Christmas lights and decorations that adorn the houses in our neighborhood.  Getting out from these four walls of our home reminded me there is a great big world out there with others facing different (or similar) challenges in their own homes as me yet the world keeps turning.  I am thankful for patience, even when it is nearly nonexistent, and inquisitiveness that emerges in the form of one precious little 20 month old.

Day 29:  Today was SUCH an exciting day!  After a semester of working on Big Books, the students in Content Area Reading put on two Big Book Showcases at the same time!  Four of my students presented at the local Catholic junior high school to 110 7th and 8th graders while 11 plus two students from last year presented their Big Books to local families and small children at the local library.  My advisor from undergrad and professor of some of my classes made the hour's drive to come see us at the library.  It was so wonderful seeing Dr. Klein again especially given that the Big Book project was actually her brainchild!  I learned so much from her as her advisee and student (gulp!) 15 to 17 years ago and it was so surreal to have her there supporting my students and me in this way.  I hope I made her proud as I owe a lot of what I do as a professor to her (and to my other long time mentor:  Dr. Compton down in NC).  Anyhow, I had made a Big Book as a student in one of Dr. Klein's classes, and with my Dad's help one Thanksgiving Break, that I wound up using in so many educational settings beyond graduation!  When I started working at my current job, I leapt at the chance to incorporate this project in one of my classes with some additional components to the project.  Today, however, was a first in that we had the Big Book Showcases off campus.  For years, I had hoped for some kind of way to allow children access to these Big Books as they are just too good to "only" display them during in-class presentations at the end of the semester.  So, last year, I implemented an off campus portion of the assignment in that students had to interact with children or students for an hour in a location of their choosing.  This semester, however, I added the Big Book Showcase as a requirement to the assignment and from the reactions, feedback, and what I observed at both locations, it was a smashing success!  I'm thankful for a community that allows the pre-service teachers to reach out to the children and to showcase all their hard work.  Seeing familiar faces from the past and present at these events was just icing on the cake and I can hardly wait for the in-class presentations next week to see the Big Books in more detail!!

http://wtov9.com/news/local/franciscan-universitys-holds-big-book-showcase ---  Check out this link for some pictures and video of some of the Big Books!

Day 30:  One playdate fell through but another happened unexpectedly today.  I feel really fortunate to live in a community that has such a strong supportive network for families and mothers in particular.  Just look at this precious picture of Charlotte and her friend playing today!

As painful as it is to be surrounded by non only child families and constantly pregnant mamas, I'm trying really hard to embrace the joy and to see the beauty in others' growing families as ours stays the same size.  Daily, I try to figure out the reason why Adam and I would be led here to this corner of the world where we thought we were going to lay some roots and have many children with other like minded practicing Catholic families only to have it not happen the way we had prayed and envisioned it would.  What is the lesson here?  I don't have the answer yet but have come to realize that comparison is the thief of joy as a friend so eloquently said when she dropped off a meal for us in the days following Charlotte's birth.  I will never forget that conversation over the warm roast she had prepared for us in my kitchen.  As I think back on Amy's kind words during those first raw hurting days, I'm (trying to anyway) focusing on all I do have rather than what I perceive that I lack.  So, I'm grateful for the friendship and support of all kinds of folks who help us on the journey whether it be a friend who holds me accountable in getting out of the house and engaging in self-care through walking our neighborhood, a colleague at work who takes the time to help me with a silly dining room table project while working at her second job amidst her own family worries, or a fellow mom who invites me to come meet her at the local park on a whim as her car is in the shop.  I'm so grateful for this village that Adam and I have around us to celebrate with us and to cry with us.  I hope that we can act as supports to others much like they have for us.

And just like that the 30 day Thankful Challenge is over as the clock has struck midnight and it is now December 1st.  I have really appreciated the chance to take the time to thoughtfully go back over each day and to list things/people/objects/events I'm grateful for and to pray more intentionally in thanksgiving and gratitude. I would much rather do this than to to dwell on things I would like to change or improve upon...so I think that this calls for more time in reflection and solitude on my part.  As I stated earlier I am really looking forward to experiencing Advent in a whole new way this year.  Therefore, I will be fasting from Facebook over the next couple weeks as I prepare for Christmas with Charlotte, Adam, and other loved ones.  I will probably allow myself some time on Sundays to log in and check the various group pages I'm on but welcome the chance to reclaim some lost time to social media and redirect it to prayer, journaling/blogging (I hope), and being more present.  However, if you have any prayer requests over the upcoming holy Advent season, please comment on this blog post or message me and I'll be sure to add them to my list of prayer intentions.  Pax!!

November Challenge Day 11 - 20

Day 11:  This will sound silly but today I'm happy to have blankets especially the created with love quilts I recently was reunited with that my aunt made for me as a baby.  I had accidentally left the two quilts behind in North Carolina and feared that they were lost forever.  Fortunately, my sister-in-law had packed them up and brought them to PA when they moved into their new home where they were waiting for me when I visited this past September.  I'm thankful for the warmth the quilts provide as the days grow colder and also for the meaning behind them.  Tonight, I went to a surprise baby shower where each person created a quilt square that will be put together in one big quilt to welcome baby Thomas to the world.  What a sentimental gift!!  We also received a couple baby blankets for Charlotte before she was born that we have placed throughout the house.  When I see these blankets made with love, I feel all warm inside as well as outside as they bring heat and warmth.  I'm thankful for those who share their gifts and talents in this way!

Day 12:  My puppies make me smile every day.  Dusty is about to turn 11 next month and it pains me to see his back legs failing him the way they have been lately but he's still the same four month old pup in my mind.  Hershey knows no limits to his boundless energy!  They are always excited to greet us when we come home and lovingly tolerate Charlotte's antics as she is more mobile and loves to throw herself down on them.

Day 13:  After a particularly long day, I could barely stay awake in the chapel during my semi-monthly Adoration hour.  Our little town has three perpetual adoration chapels (that I'm aware of) and it's amazing the number of people who go to holy hour on a regular basis.  These folks challenge me to keep striving to grow in my faith and prayer life and for that I'm grateful.

Day 14: I loooove my Tuesdays and Thursdays away from campus during the school year.  Having this time with the baby is so needed.  I'm so grateful for the kind of job that allows me to make a difference through my job and to be there for my family the way it does.

Isn't my office so cozy?! 

Day 15:  This morning, I participated in an exciting meeting at work.  I'm thankful for the opportunity to be a part of something new and big at work and am excited for the future students that this change will affect (both at the higher ed. level and school-aged children)!!

Day 16:  I'm thankful for my hard working and studious husband.  He is working so hard to meet his goal of becoming a high school history teacher and has had his head buried in the books as he writes end of the semester papers and works on projects.  I look forward to his being able to enjoy some down time over Christmas Break!

Day 17:  Tonight, on a whim, a friend and I were able to take in a musical, "Merry Christmas George Bailey!", that was being performed at work.  Through the kindness and generosity of a colleague, my friend and I were able to obtain tickets to the sold-out show at no cost!  This play is a radio play and the coolest thing about the performance is that it will be broadcast on EWTN over the upcoming holiday season!!

Day 18:  Charlotte and I joined a friend at our local junior high school's production of Mulan, Jr. - a musical adaptation of the Disney film.  Charlotte was fascinated by the singing, props, and action on stage for the first 45 minutes of the show.  Sitting in the auditorium brought back the many long hours of play rehearsal as a student.  How lovely it is to have the arts to escape to when a breather from life and crazy schedules is needed!

Day 19:  This afternoon we held this month's Good Godly Grub.  The gathering of women is different each month as is the theme of the food we bring but I'm thankful for the community and relationship building that occurs with these friends.  Even with life being so busy, we take the time to visit with one another during this monthly potluck and share inspirational stories and events.  I'm thankful for the gift of friendship and food through this monthly get together!

Charlotte Annie fell asleep in mid gesture on Ann's lap! 

Nothing like cuddling on a snowy Sunday afternoon with a sweet friend! 

Day 20:  The dogs woke me early this morning.  At first, I was irritable and grouchy that Dusty Shamrock just had to get me up so early but then when I walked out to the living room and got a peek of the beautiful orange sun that was peeking over the horizon, all of the irritability melted away...I was glad that my little pooch had needed to go outside so that I could sit in the silence and brilliance of that rising sun.  What beauty and splendor surrounds us but how often do we miss it by keeping our eyes shut or downward...may we all embrace our surroundings and look up more often as the holiday seasons approaches!

November Challenge - Days 5 - 10

Day 5:  A few minutes before leaving for work, I grew ill and couldn't leave the house for a few hours.  I'm thankful for a supportive secretary at work who took care of loose ends at work on account of my late start that day.  Wonderful coworkers and, better yet, co-friends are blessings!!

Day 6:  I'm thankful for the sunshine that so brilliantly highlights the beautiful fall foliage!

Day 7:  Today was hard as all the 7ths of the month are anymore.  I'm so thankful for our baby girl and love marking her growth on the monthiversary of her birthday but find that in the late night hours of the 7th, I get a burst of energy and my mind is in overdrive.  In the first several months after Charlotte was born, each Monday night I would be sucked into the memory of how the Monday Charlotte was born ended.  As the 7pm hour approached, I would recall the exam that was so physically painful that then led to the exploratory surgery that would change everything and crush a million hopes and dreams I had for our future family at 10pm.  This day marked 20 months since Charlotte's birthday.  I tried to focus on all the good and Charlotte's growth and milestone moments but as the darkness fell, so did my joy.  Feelings of despair and melancholy began to creep into my mind as I went into overdrive with grading and schoolwork.  At one point during the late night hours, I had a thought....in a way I was working so hard, burning the candle at both ends, as if I was trying to avoid the feelings of when I was forced to lie still waiting for the anesthesia to take me away and forget what was about to happen as the start of the hysterectomy surgery began.  I don't intentionally plan on it but it seems on the 7th of each month, I'm busier than ever getting things done and checking off my to-do lists, keep too busy to stop...keep moving so the memories can't catch up...but they're always there and most likely always will be.  I'm grateful for Charlotte Annie today in spite of the polar opposite feelings to the joy I feel when I think of her that also accompany those thoughts.  She's the good that comes with the bad and I'm so glad it isn't all just bad but that we have her in addition to all the pain that I wish I could work/pray/deny/forget away at times.

Day 8:  I'm appreciative of heat.  The days are getting colder and it's feeling a lot like winter with these frosty mornings we're experiencing.  I need to dig out our gloves, hats, and scarves this weekend but as I feel the warm air blowing out of the vents in our cozy little home, I'm thankful for warmth.

Day 9:  My new nephew, Daniel Mark, was born tonight!  I'm thankful my sister-in-law and nephew are healthy!  I can't wait to cuddle and love on that precious baby boy!

Day 10:  Today I'm thankful for our helpers!  From the middle of the day through bedtime, Charlotte was in terrific hands thanks to Students Serving Moms!  She had an early start to the day by going to her last Montessori Baby Class with Adam.  Then she came home and was able to play from 11:30 - 2:30pm with our first helper of the day, Caitlin.  Caitlin is from York and her mother works where I used to work!!  Fridays are my early days which allow me to finish by 2:15pm.  I was able to bring home Gianna and one of her friends who wanted to see what Students Serving Moms was all about which allowed me to get a head start on my to-do list for the weekend.  While the two girls kept Charlotte occupied the next three hours, I was able to pick up three weeks' worth of poop in the yard (as flurries fell...today was the first day I saw snow!), take out the trash and recyclables, unload and refill the dishwasher, sweep and mop the dining room, kitchen, and bathroom, dust the furniture, have the laundry folded and sorted, and vacuum!  Adam and I were even able to walk to the local pizzeria and pick up dinner while Gianna and Catherine played with Charlotte in the downstairs living room.  After dinner, it was time to take the girls back to campus and pick up Rachel, a helper who had requested to work with another family while she waits for her assigned family to need her services!  Thanks to Rachel's availability, Adam and I were able to steal away and go to a church downtown for a Latin mass.  That makes two Fridays in a row of having a mini date night with my hubby!  We came home to a coffee table covered with sorted clothes that Charlotte had outgrown ready for me to pack them up by size thanks to Rachel's help!  Yes, I'm so very thankful for the helpers who give of their time and energy to help us tired mamas and kiddos who love playing with new friends!

November Challenge Days 1 - 4

A few years ago I completed the November Challenge of listing something I was grateful for each day.  I did this a couple years in a row and really appreciated the way it forced me to slow down and count my blessings rather than focus on what I was lacking.  I think we can all, at times, use this as a reminder to be more positive so here comes the 2017 edition!

Day 1:  My parents had come for a visit over the last few days and departed during Trick or Treating last night.  Today I'm thankful for them!  Even though Mom felt like she hadn't been able to help out as much due to a sore arm, they both are such a help just by being there.  Case in point, I had to step out on Halloween Day to go to a meeting at school that afternoon but I was able to do so since they were able to stay home with Charlotte and the three month old baby girl I watch sometimes.  I wish that we didn't have to live so far from either of our families but it makes the visits and time we do have together all the more special!

Day 2:  Since I'm fighting a nagging cough and wheezing I've had since mid-October, on this day I'm thankful for my inhaler and medicine.  Here's to hoping that I'm back to my non-coughing self sooner than later!

Day 3: This is going to sound silly but I'm thankful for new directions.  Today was an extremely busy day, as most of the last two weeks have been, since we're in the throes of advising season at work.  Every minute of each day has been jam packed with advising sessions, meetings, and teaching.  I think that is why I didn't realize the date until pretty late last night.  On this day a decade ago my heart was crushed into a million pieces when a boyfriend I thought I was going to marry broke up with me.  For a couple years, each time November 3rd rolled around, I would feel sad and mourn over what could have been but today, I wrote the date so many times on paperwork and in my students' files without so much as batting an eye since I had completely forgotten the significance that this date used to hold for me.  Life and God have taken me in a completely different and new direction and for that I'm so thankful!

Day 4:  Adam and I went on a date last night!  A friend from church graciously watched Charlotte for a few hours as he and I snuck out to the local Catholic High School where three Christian artists were performing a concert.  I had not heard of any of the three performers but walked away from the event with a new song from each of them.  This morning I'm thankful for praise and worship music that helps me to pray through it all especially when the words won't come...I can still praise God through the lyrics of those who are able to pen such beautiful prayers through their music.  Here are some of my favorite stories and songs from last night:

If I had to pick one from last night, this one would be it.  Enjoy!!