St. Gianna

 

Today is the feast day of St. Gianna who is one of my favorites! 

She is a patron saint of unborn children so I tend to think of her often when I think of the children Adam and I had hoped to have. She also died as a young mother so I try to honor her life through being extra grateful for being here myself. 

Lately, Charlotte has been telling us of her invisible friends, what they are doing, and even where they live. Today, on the way to school, she said the girl invisible friend is actually her sister. The boy invisible friend is her cousin she went on to say. What a sweetheart! Exploring the world through her imagination and eyes brings such joy.

St. Gianna, pray for us!

Joy of Learning

This week, my students in my active learning class have been mulling over the role of the dramatic arts in the classroom and if there is a place for play there. I gave them the prompt, "Is play indispensable in the classroom?" and have received some terrific insights and enjoyed the discussion that followed among the students as they analyzed the question.

Today, Charlotte's teacher sent me this photo Charlotte had asked her to send to me.

This image reminds me of the below quote:

"The joy of learning is as indispensable in study as breathing is in running." - - Simone Weil

I love that she loves learning! She currently wants to be a vet, a teacher, a mommy, a doctor, and more recently, a firefighter when she grows up - - keep learning and keep that joy, my dear girl! ❤️

No one will escape

I finished rereading Romans last night. Chapter 12 is definitely another favorite. There are so many good reminders contained in those passages. Things like how we are all members of the body of Christ and we each have a job to do, to offer our bodies as sacrifices in allowing God to work through us, to not think too highly of ourselves, to use and share our gifts with one another were packed into this rich chapter.

Tonight, a sentence caught my eye as I straightened up some papers. It read, "Each one of us is in need of being healed of something." I haven't read the article yet but the simplicity of that sentence does not hide the deep truth of woundedness we all face on our lives. 

Each of us has hurts. Each of us carries wounds. Some are more visible than others. Some seem to have more than what seems fair in terms of quantity whereas some seem to struggle with heavier loads than others. We all are in need of being healed of at least one thing. 

Then I started thinking about how we, as parents, strive to protect our children from being wounded. I did it during tonight's walk as I heel Charlotte hand to try to warm her up as the sun set and the temperature cooled. However, the fact of the matter is, no one escapes being wounded. We all must suffer in some way. A friend said earlier, "We didn't choose this cross this Lent. Rather, it chose us" when reflecting on a current hardship her family is facing. Reading her words reminded me of this image I had seen last night.

Even though this image is based on the loss of a loved one, I would argue it could represent any form of woundedness. 

Grieving what might have been, grieving what was, missing the idea of who you thought someone is/was, thinking about how you were before a particular experience or incident occurred, pining for a moment in time, trying to deny your cross...these are all ways or instances that you might have to alter your thoughts...and absorb a new way of being. 

We are all in need of healing of something. Thank God, Jesus did escape the tomb. By his stripes we are healed. 

We had a pretty quiet Easter day which still runs so counter opposite of what I grew up with...Easter, as a child, was usually spent traveling. Washington, DC stands out in my mind as we would go the shrine for midnight mass. Then, I think back with fond memories of going to late Saturday night vigils with my brother and sister-in-law and their children at IHM when working on my doctorate. A constant to Easter while growing up, other than the faith aspect and being with my brothers and parents, is the bright pink Easter bucket basket my parents would hide my candy in from hotel or base housing rooms to Astro van locations to my grandma's house to home (& even in NC)! 

Since moving to Ohio, Easter Sundays have been spent with my aunt and uncle. However, this year, we stayed closer to home. All throughout Holy Week, I kept flashing back to what was happening during this time last year. Dad had gotten out of the hospital on Wednesday of Holy Week and grew weaker by the day. I vividly remember Mom feeding him, one spoon at a time, at his bedside during the Good Friday mass that we watched of Father Jack online. 

We awoke to glorious sunshine and mild spring weather today...so opposite of the sad thoughts of reliving Dad's last days one short year ago. So, today, I made every attempt to lean into the sunlight and try to experience the Easter joy of resting in the knowledge that Dad is made whole again as Jesus was. Dad is no longer the slowly slipping away version of himself from those last nine days with us. Even now as I type this, Charlotte came sleepily into the bedroom to crawl into bed with me and snuggle. Her sweet smile and "I love you, Mama" brightened up this dark bedroom as she continues to help me to look up rather than get lost in despair. 

Yes, we can't escape our crosses. We are all wounded. We will not leave this world unscathed or unharmed in some way. Yet, we can use our bodies and we can be willing to absorb the sufferings and alter how we see them to ultimately persevere and overcome the wounds. We can choose to lean on God and ask for the graces to bear the trials and sufferings. 

Oh death! Where is your sting?

Oh hell! Where is your victory?

Oh Church! Come stand in the light!

The glory of God has defeated the night!

I hope each of you had a peaceful Easter! 

This is my Easter basket from when I was little. So glad Mom hung on to it all these years! I love that the eggs matched my Easter nails. 💅😍

I spy a bunny in our yard! 

She is always in motion. One can't help but to be pulled into her infectious energy! 

Always moving! 

Enjoying a surprise from a sweet friend! 

Cultivating Gratitude

Summer is nearly here for this teacher. Only four more weeks remain of this semester. I am so looking forward to some down time this summer. I am not teaching any summer classes for the first time in a long while and will have even more time at home with our girl. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to be with her so much.

I hope she looks back on these days of her childhood with happiness and in the knowledge of how loved she is.

Tonight, as I read chapter 9 in Romans, I was struck by this passage. 

I don't really see myself as talking back to God but, rather, I know I have complained and bitterly wept as I prayed to Him. I have questioned over and over and asked the question, "Why have you created me so?" especially regarding secondary infertility countless times. Just today, alone, a mom reached out to me saying she is expecting her ninth baby bringing on the usual thoughts of why couldn't I be in that situation, God? Why was I made with fibroids and made in this way? Would I not have been a good enough mom to have multiple children and on and on down that rabbit hole...

So this passage was like a spotlight shining right on me because, really, who am I to ask God why? He is the Potter and I am just the clay. Instead of why, the question should be about purpose. What purpose shall this fulfill? What is my purpose? What would you have me do or continue doing, Lord?

I believe it is to mother Charlotte and to "other" mother my students but I am curious as to what else He might have me do. I can't wait to see what is in store! For now, I will try to settle in and rest in His peace much like how Charlotte Annie fell asleep tonight and trust all is well. 

Romans 8 may just be one of my favorites!

I am exactly halfway through reading Romans for the second time this Lent. Chapter 8 contains so many inspiring passages that it is shaping up to be one of my favorite chapters! 

Romans 8:18

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us. 

---------------------------------

When I read this, I feel reassured that all will be worth it. All will work out in the end and today's sufferings will pale in comparison to the joy of tomorrow. 

Romans 8:24-25

For in hope we were saved. Now hope that sees for itself is not hope. For who hopes for what one sees?

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance.--------------------------------------There is that word again: endurance. To me, that word alone implies effort and waiting with active effort. To endure means you are actively working toward something in spite of drastic opposition. This requires effort and making the choice to actively strive to go against whatever might be trying to hold you back or keep you down...if we actively hope, we can endure anything. 
Romans 8:28
We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.----------------------------------------I used to always say that everything happens for a reason. Then my friend, Sheryl, encouraged me to say for the good of the Lord after that expression. She referred to this passage when she did. Now I recognize there is a deeper purpose to things happening as God is the ultimate storyteller. 
Romans 8:31
If God is for us, who can be against us?------------------------Enough said here! 
Romans 8:35
What will separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?--------------------------This is another reassuring passage because it demonstrates the depth of Christ's mercy for us yet we sometimes get in the way by allowing our insecurities to prevent us from getting close to God or from receiving His graces. 
Romans 8:37-39
No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.------------------------------------This was one of the readings from Dad's funeral mass that I read. I like to think that in spite of all that happened in his life, he was welcomed to Heaven with open arms for, as the passage says, nothing can separate us from the love of God. We have only to receive it! I pray that was the case for Dad and will be for me someday as I hopefully reunite with him in the presence of God. 

Come, Holy Spirit!

 Romans 5:3-5

Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance,

and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope,

and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.---------------------In Austria, I was blessed to gather each week with the women of the Kartause for a book study. I remember hearing one of the other women talk about this particular passage. Ever since then, I think of her when I read or hear this particular scripture. She is a wonderful faith friend and I look forward to reuniting with her again someday!
This passage is pretty self explanatory but I really love the idea of trying to truly appreciate everything...the good, the bad, and the ugly for we know that they are refining us and serving a purpose even if that purpose may not be evident to us just yet.
It's an interesting concept to be encouraged to brag about hardships. Most people complain when they have to face challenging times. I think what this passage is getting at is to lean into the hard, the messy, the ugly....For knowing it eventually leads to the good things: enduring, character, & hope. Hope that does not disappoint!! 

Romans 4:18-20 - In the palm of His hand

He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body as [already] dead (for he was almost a hundred years old) and the dead womb of Sarah.

He did not doubt God’s promise in unbelief; rather, he was empowered by faith and gave glory to God and was fully convinced that what he had promised he was also able to do.

The above passage recalls Abraham's response to the news that he would be "father to all nations". What trust and faith to believe anyway even when things seem too impossible to believe! Thinking of this approach reminds me of Charlotte's trust and faith in Adam and me as her parents. She doesn't stop to consider other angles or possibilities. She just knows and believes she can ask her Mom or Dad and we will try to help her. Isn't that what we should do, too? Shouldn't we all be displaying a childlike wonder and sense of knowing or confidence that God will, in fact, deliver on his promises??

He has us! So step out and swing into the unknown - God isn't going to let us fall and even if we do, He has us in the palm of His hand.