Yesterday, Charlotte turned six years old. I can't believe it! Lately, she has been looking so big to me growing like a delicate flower in a wildflower preserve.
She is fiesty.
She is unique.
She is silly.
She is bashful at times.
She feels allllll the feelings and in a big way sometimes.
She is a lover of Surface Pressure and We Don't Talk about Bruno even though we haven't seen the movie, Encanto, yet.
She is a storyteller and said recently, "Mommy, you and I have a good remembery".
She is full of love to share.
She is stubborn.
She still imagines she is Elsa performing songs from Frozen and looooooves play dates. Her invisible sister is named Charlotte, too, and her invisible brother is named Tommy. She has an incredible imagination. An emerging reader, she can write two and three letter words and can usually be convinced to read a story with Mama most days. She enjoys playing "Keepy Uppy" with balloons (not letting them fall to the floor) and adores her cousins. Her Daddy (and Mommy) are her constant play partners and taking trips is another favorite family pasttime whether it be by road or air.
Last night was the first time that my mind did not take me back to the events of Charlotte's birthday night. This is a HUGE first for me and took six years to get to this point. In the days leading up to her birthday, each time my mind would start to drift to that fateful night, the planning for her party, the scramble of trying to keep up with emails/grading, and daily to-do lists kept those thoughts at bay. However, as I sit here this morning on March 8th, I'm surprised that my mind didn't go there last night and am thankful for this huge milestone.
Now, I realize what I was doing instead of reliving those traumatic events. Last night, as Charlotte played with some of her new birthday toys and chased the pups around our living room, Mom and I were sitting at the dining room table completing a bible study on this week's theme of medocrity vs. perfectionism. It was an eye-opening chapter in the book that colleagues at work and I are reading and working out of this semester. How ironic this week's lesson fell when it did....as I constantly worry/struggle with the idea of not being enough of a mother to Charlotte or enough of a professor to my spiritual children aka my students as I try to balance it all. Most days I feel I am keeping the balls in the air but my birthday and Charlotte's shared birthday week tend to put me in a precarious position each year as I struggle with the feelings of inadequacy/failing/accepting God's plan for our family vs. my life-long plans I had been working toward/aiming for until the story took a dramatic turn for a different ending starting six years ago.
I'm thankful Mom was here and that we did that part of the bible study together as we both examined circumstances in which mediocrity (settling, sitting down halfway up the figurative mountains we are climbing) and perfectionism (trying to do the impossible because of fear, faulty self-image, expectations) manifest themselves in their lives. One of the things I wrote in the writing exercises was of my worry over Charlotte's happiness/social life as a single child. Then, as I worked through those feelings last night, I realized that was my imposing expectations on her (and me). Scrolling through the amazing pictures my brother (who surprised us by coming in from Delaware for her birthday party on Sunday afternoon!) had taken and shared with me show how much Charlotte Annie is loved by others. I nearly burst into tears the other night when I asked Charlotte what her favorite part was regarding her "I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for Ice Cream 6th Birthday Party". Without missing a beat, when posed that question, she said, "Seeing all my friends and spending time with them". Thank you, my dear daughter, for your sparkly good heart. Thank you, Lord, for bringing comfort through her and others who speak truth to me. Help me to hear those voices and to ignore the noise/self-talk that says otherwise.
Now that Charlotte is six, and in these last couple of months, I have been seeing glimpses of bits and pieces of Charlotte as an older more mature little girl and it's been incredible to watch. The way she answers questions and seeing how she handles adversity or challenges has been amazing to witness and experience. There have been fewer tantrums and she has made some pretty neat connections as to why the world works in the way it does through conversations we've had and stories we've read.
In these last six years, Charlotte has continued to grow into her own person. She is a master at using her feelings to communicate her wants and desires...even to the point of saying how much she will miss her parents to get out of a sleepover or asking for play dates nearly every day with a best friend who lives across the street so they can have a "Charlotte day" or a "Natalie day". She loves lipstick (sparkly clear lipgloss), earrings (sticker press-ons), rainbow fingernails (recently, she has stopped picking off the nails which makes my Jamberry/Color Street-loving heart so happy!), her college friends, Girls GIFT (Growing in Faith/Fellowship/Friendship Together) teachers and peers, puppies, babies, her friends, and Frozen and Encanto. She enjoys painting, going to school, and, as always, spending time with her cousins and friends. She continues to be a traveler although she very much loves her neighborhood and her cozy house. One of her favorite things to do at her house is to decorate the driveway with chalk, play on the front steps, and play with her dollhouse her Daddy surprised her with one Christmas several years ago.
This past year, she continued to sleep in the bed with Daddy and me and I'm still loving it as I know those nights won't last forever. She still gives the best hugs and loves to say, "Best day ever!" I'm so glad that is such a snuggle bug and like I was, she continues to very much be a Daddy's girl. I pray that she eventually comes to see God as her ultimate Father and feels loved by Him all the days of her life, too.
