Lifted

• Last week, I blogged in the midst of confusion, feelings of being overwhelmed, and if I'm completely honest, COMPLETE AND UTTER PANIC.

  My back seat looked like this due to acquiring materials from the other professors and adjuncts who had taught the courses I inherited in the past (which also reminded me of all the organizing I need to do in the storage unit this summer as well).

  
  

  

  So in my car these boxes sat for the next several days.  They are now currently sitting in the dining room waiting for me to tackle (sorry Mom).  I did get to page 34 of the thick report I decided to start with in terms of familiarizing myself with the program and department yesterday.  If I'm lucky, I will complete it by today and move on to begin planning one of the four classes.  I would love to have a rough draft of the syllabi for all of the courses drafted before my conference in Florida in a few short weeks.  Then, I can begin planning out each class four times over.....eek!  Ok, back it up...let's just focus on the syllabi for the outline of the course.

  
  

  • Something else I have been focusing on in the last week is how truly blessed I am to have such an amazing supportive network, both online and in person.  By reaching out and posting the blog posting last week, I heard from several folks who helped to lift me up and keep the negative thoughts at bay.  I'm thankful for my new job's belief in my abilities even if I doubt them.  I appreciate Adam and my parents helping me to see the light and silver lining through the gray clouds.  Others have reminded me I've overcome what seemed daunting and impossible in the past and yet others instilled a dose of reality and empathy in sharing their struggles and how they have faced the challenges.  
  • What it comes down to is yes, I'm a teacher, through and through...and I should be jumping with joy at the chance to do it four times over and that I have a job waiting for me.  I get to work with up and coming new teachers who are passionate for not only our shared profession but also our faith.  This will be totally new for me as I've never been able to fully embrace being a Catholic teacher being employed by a public school system.  I am looking forward to carrying out my teaching, service, and scholarship as an authentic Catholic scholar.
  • Through reading a comment from my cousin, I realized part of my fear is stemming from the students not "liking" me.  I know one can't possibly satisfy everyone but my goal is to be one of those professors who not only gives back to the field through scholarship and service but also who is an effective teacher yet a caring one and I hope my future students will see that.  If I could have an impact that is even just a small sliver of what Dr. Compton and Dr. Klein have done for me then I can say I was successful.  Best way to do that is to be prepared and ready to hit the ground running come August.  So I better stop blogging and get cracking on the reading for today!
  • I'm also thankful for having these next several weeks to try to thoroughly and thoughtfully plan/prepare.  Can you imagine if I would have received this job the week before classes started this fall?  Oy voy!
  • On a related note, yesterday marked one month since Adam proposed.  In reflecting on all the huge changes that have happened since then and will happen before summer's end, I'm incredibly grateful for this time in Frackville.  Mom & Dad are getting a front row seat to all the ins and outs of planning for the wedding.  They are sharing in the frustration in vendors not calling back, dealing with reserving of hotel rooms, and finding out prices are too high....but they are also able to partake in the joy of snagging a good deal, pricing items at Michael's for reception decorations, and picking out colors for the wedding party.  Ok, not sure Dad is all that happy about colors and fashion but I know he's looking forward to the cake tasting later this month.  I can't even imagine trying to pull all the pieces together from a distance and while juggling my crazy teaching load this school year so am working faster than the speed of light to try to get everything wrapped up by late July.  Wish me luck!