Best Question Ever!

Two years ago, I answered one of my favorite questions I’ve ever been asked.  Adam proposed to me on the evening of 05/04/14!!  My answer, a shocked and unbelieving yes, led to

Adam’s and my driving cross country that following holiday season,

the purchase of our almost paid off home in the first few weeks of 2015,

my walking down the aisle to him almost a year ago,

......and more growing and changing than I thought would happen.

I’m so thankful he chose me and as a result made me not only a wife but a mother.  What a gift!!  For helping to bring Charlotte into the world, I will eternally be grateful to my hubby.  I can hardly believe it has been two years since that crazy whirlwind of a day that had us eating breakfast amidst the Red Rocks, climbing staircases that seemingly went up to the sky (sooooo many steps) at a shrine, sampling beer that evening in downtown Golden, Colorado, being proposed to after mass, and ended with watching the stars and my sparkly new ring (!!!) twinkle in the city lights at the foot of the Rocky Mountains as we sipped celebratory wine from the rooftop of a city apartment building in the heart of Denver.  

Blame it on the altitude or blame it on the wine but we were so giddy that night with the day’s events and thinking about the fact that it was really happening.  We were really going to get married and be man and wife!!!  The excitement carried us all the way back to NC, through my graduation events with family and other loved ones, stayed with us as we bid farewell to friends and colleagues, held us over as we said goodbye to one another a few short days later (those were always the worst) when I put him on the plane, and, finally, kept me going the next day when I drove home from NC.  Oh what a bittersweet time those beginning weeks were in May of 2014 with so many changes and so many goodbyes.  By the middle of May, Adam was back in California and I had moved temporarily back to PA from NC before moving into the house I rented in Ohio in mid-July.  I stayed with my parents for those two months as I transitioned from NC to Ohio.  Looking back, summer 2014 was full of changes and joyful waiting as the wedding plans and preparation got underway.  May 23, 2015 was one of the dates given to us by the church.  I had always dreamt of a fall wedding but when it came down to it, with teaching and moving, it seemed easier to plan the sacrament for the following summer rather than during the fall semester of my first year at my new job so spring wedding it was!  I also liked the idea of the wedding happening in the same month as the proposal and it was only two days from the monthly date Adam and I like to reflect on as we “met” on the 21^st of October so each month on the 21^st we fondly recall that date.  May is also one of my favorite months due to the new life that is blooming all around us through the flowers and plants sharing their greenery and lushness after winter's end.  It is also when the school year winds down before the arrival of summer which usually means less stress for this working mama.  So, in hindsight, I'm glad our wedding date is associated with new life, new beginnings, and the long sunny summer days (for this teacher anyway).

It wasn’t until the other night when Adam and I started a prayer challenge/reading a new bookin which the husband prays for the wife and the wife prays for the husband that I realized something even more special about the wedding date.  The first chapter of the prayer challenge is based on Ephesians 5:23.  When I see 5: 23, I immediately think of our wedding date of 05/23.  What a reminder for me to think of how I can try to be a better person, to grow and do better, as I seek to serve within my roles as mother, wife, homemaker, teacher, daughter, sister, and just in general, as a person!  In other date news, tonight is our final meeting with our doula to review the birth notes and wrap up our time with Sara.  This meeting has been rescheduled three to four times so when the opportunity for it to happen tonight arose, I took it unaware of the date.  It wasn’t until this morning when I saw the date on the calendar that I remembered Adam proposing on this date around 7:30pm.  Who would have thought two years later around that same time we would be having a meeting about the birth of our only child?!  It is amazing how life turns out eh.  So going back to the passage on which Chapter 1 in the husband/wife prayer challenge is based on, here it is:  For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body.

I know a lot of folks have taken phrases or sentences out of context from this particular chapter in the Bible and this particular section has been known to ruffle feathers and be cause for differing opinions/feelings.  I’m no expert in theology or biblical studies by any means whatsoever but after this almost first year of marriage, this passage certainly does carry different personal meaning for me now as I reflect on these words.  There have been frustrated tears and challenges this past year but there were far more smiles and laughter also.  We have grown in our communication with one another and are continually learning what works (and doesn’t work) for our family.  For reference here is the section on husbands and wives in its entirety:  Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.  As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her, to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.  In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.

At my Ohio baby shower, one of the most intriguing pieces of advice I received was “put your relationship with God first, put your relationship with Adam second, then focus on your relationship with baby”.  After two months of Charlotte being with us, I can see how that advice is timely but difficult to follow as all things baby seem to be at the forefront due to the nature of tending to baby’s needs and baby’s schedule.  Then, if not too tired from it all, we try to tend to each other, and I hate to admit it, have not been doing as well as I would like with maintaining my relationship with God through falling asleep in the middle of prayers or not being able to go to weekly Adoration any more.  There have also been times I've been angry/resentful over the complications surrounding the birth and the long lasting permanent outcomes of them instead of focusing on being thankful and joyful over all that was given to us.  I need to focus on the graces and support granted to us by God rather than focusing on what was lost and am thankful to have the summer to continue trying to find balance and how to serve through corporal works of mercy more.  Through embracing the new chores/tasks that have come along associated with baby, my role in the home has change somewhat which has an effect on my role in the family/marriage and also impacts what I can and can’t do in terms of serving God in ways I was used to doing.  I am seeing that that is okay too.  I can serve in other ways.  For instance, I’ve been able to make three dinners for families welcoming new babies in the last two weeks (well, Adam made the most recent meal of his oh so heavenly delicious beef bourguignon so I can’t really take credit for it ~ ha!) which has helped me to feel a little closer to God through offering up the time to make the meal to Him and spending time praying for the families and new babies as I cooked.  It has been really cathartic and healing for me to try to provide some sort of relief or comfort as so many did for us when they brought or sent food to us shortly after Charlotte’s arrival.  We’re still reaping the benefits of the meals that were prepared for or sent to us.  In fact, we ate a delicious bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup from my twin for lunch today. 

So going back to that passage outlined above, as I read over the words, I am reminded of the small ways I can practice self denial for the good of others whether it is waiting until Charlotte naps to get dressed for the day (even if it doesn’t happen until close to 4pm..ahem), or taking the time to warm up leftovers for Adam for lunch even though I have about five other things I need to do in that given moment because I hear him on a busy phone call working on orders and know he won’t stop to heat up some lunch, or putting off my already two nearly three week old checklist of things to do to fold laundry.  What is one more day of not getting what I had hoped to get done a couple weeks ago right?  I’m also learning how to be more patient and trying to let go of the expectation that I could get something done if I just had a few minutes here and a few minutes there.  I don't want to grow resentful of what I perceive as time being wasted and nothing good is going to come of my getting stressed out or upset over not being able to cross off that item on the to-do list.  

This journey of motherhood is really teaching me to let go of some of the independence and to rely on others.  To date, I experienced this a multitude of ways in respect to the physically relying on others when I was so sore (I’m so glad that the whole taking 20 minutes to just get out of bed and into the bathroom routine is behind me) immediately after the surgery and had restrictions limiting what I could do even when discharged and home from the hospital.  However, now I’m writing from the perspective of relying on others in a different respect.  One of the worst things one could call me is helpless and I think that somewhere along the way I attributed seeking help or relying on others as my being helpless which is part of why I tend to take on more than I can chew in an effort to “prove” I can do it or might be why I'm such a planner...?!  Well, now that there is a little one who monopolizes my energy/time/thoughts (but in a good way!), I have had to let go of some things on the to-do lists and accept that it may take longer to get things done or I may need to ask for help to try to get some of the things done.  For instance, right now, at this moment, I should be getting dressed but instead I’m writing a much needed blog posting as these thoughts have been running around in my head for several days now and I’ve been craving the time to journal/write.  As a result, I’m losing precious time to get a bath, dressed, the laundry out of the dryer, the clothes that need sorted and put away, the poster that needs designed and sent to the printer’s for my upcoming conference presentation, the emails and texts that need responded to, and I could go on and on while Charlotte sleeps in the next room.  However, by putting these things off to journal, I’m going to have to accept the fact that things aren’t going to get done when I would like for them to be completed….and I’m learning to be okay with that.  What a wild ride this journey has been and will continue to be.  It’s already going by so fast and is more emotional than I expected.  Much like when Adam proposed….that summer went by so quickly and looking back at my first year in Ohio the first year of Adam living on the East Coast seems to have flown by too.  I look forward to continued growth, on both of our ends, as we continue learning about how best to serve God, one another, and Charlotte and seeing what is in store for year # 2.  Also, in thinking of what else occurs on this anniversary of the proposal, may the force be with us!  ; )  Now that I've been able to ramble and can already feel the endorphins from journaling, it's time to go run some hot water in my now two hour old and what I'm sure is a cold bath before baby wakes!  Thanks for reading!