Teachable Moments?

An interesting experience happened while my friends and I were in San Francisco on a popular tourist attraction.  As you read this blog posting, please beware that this is just my perception of (and I realize there are other perceptions of) the experience...as hopefully my email below portrays.  Email # 1:

Hello,

Here is the picture you requested from yesterday's ride.  While the tour was a fun experience and my friends and I enjoyed the humor that was infused throughout the tour, I didn’t appreciate the “joking” that occurred regarding having some issues with hearing. 

The first time, you made a joke regarding my missing some information to the whole bus via microphone, saying that even though I was sitting next to the amplifier, I was still having trouble.  Yes, I purposely selected that seat since it was close to you to better assist me with hearing what you were saying.  When you have a profound to severe hearing loss, you learn to advocate for yourself and sit closer to the speaker, especially when there are loud noises elsewhere (i.e., buses, wind, others talking), rely on your friends to help you out here and there by filling in gaps, and when it’s difficult to read lips (e.g., beard, not having a full view of the face/lips). 

The second time you joked about my not hearing something was when I missed the end of the fortune cookie joke, that others (without hearing loss) also didn’t hear but again, I tried to not pay much attention to the singling out again.  Finally, at the end of the tour, when you crouched down to exaggerate your speech and say, “Maybe I should just stay down here and talk like this so that you can see my lips and understand”, this was the most hurtful “teasing”. 

My chosen field of work is educational research (and why I was in San Francisco in the first place for the conference the woman in front of me mentioned) within education of persons with hearing loss.  One of my biggest areas of research lies in self advocacy and reducing learned helplessness in students with hearing loss, particularly those who wear hearing aids (such as I) and those who are educated in general education settings who do not use sign language to communicate. 

All I could think, during yesterday’s “teasing/joking” about individuals who may struggle to access communication in less than quiet and ideal situations or who may utilized a different mode of communication (e.g., a signed language vs. speech), was what if a child had been sitting behind me and witnessed it?  Would that child still be willing to advocate for him or herself??  It is bad enough that these children/individuals face the “harmless” teasing/joking within their peers but then to be on a tourist attraction and to see an adult doing the same?  Thinking about some of my former students, I know some would have used that incident as an excuse to just shirk away from standing up for themselves and to retreat in their shells so to speak. 

I know you didn’t mean any harm and some may say that I’m being too sensitive of the issue since teasing is all in good fun; I do admit my bias (these are just my  humble views..not those of my friends or others who were on the bus and appreciate humor as much as the next person, but after having lived with hearing loss for 30+ years and the expectations/conceptions of others, I also wanted to share the way I was feeling with you in the hopes that teasing someone who is having difficulty asking communication won't happen on a tour again.  I really did enjoy the tour and you but just wanted to share this as well. 

Thanks and have a great day!  Meg

Response to Email:

Please accept my profound apologies for any hurt I may have caused you.

I am afraid that I got carried away. You and your friends were having a good time, and I am saddened to think that instead of adding to your joy(as was my intention) I detracted from it.

As you wrote: "teasing is all in good fun", but it was not good if it was no fun. It is a big part of my job to be aware of peoples' needs and limits, which I utterly failed to do.

Thank you for taking the time(in your case, your professional time) to turn my poor attempt at humor into a "teachable moment".  This will help me to be a better tour guide, and a better person, in future.

I can only hope that you might be gracious enough to allow me the opportunity to make amends. Please stay in touch, and the next time you come to California, I would be honored to to be your host and private guide.

Sincerely, ___________

So, as my parents pointed out last night, it looks like I have not only a free tour but a place to stay should I ever find myself back in San Francisco.  ;)  Who's going on the next trip??!!  Ha, you know I'm kidding...well, sorta!