July 1st Milestones

Seven years ago, I eagerly anticipated July 1, 2006.  It was the first day after I had completed my Master's Program since I had taken my last final on the morning of June 30th at Kutztown University.  I also had a fun event on the afternoon of July 1st....one of my best friends married a childhood friend of my brother's in Allentown, PA! 


I proudly stood next to Heather as her maid of honor and what a celebration it was as we danced into the night.  Then, the next morning, I hightailed it over to Ocean City, MD to meet up with Ashley and Jayme for what became our last girls' 4th of July beach getaway.  Every summer since 2002, I had gone with my fun girls, to the beach during 4th of July. 


Those celebratory days feel like forever and a day ago.

In the days leading up to this July 1st, I felt a similar sense of anticipation.  Since 4pm on April 24th, at the conclusion of my disastrous proposal defense meeting, I have been working on my revisions to my dissertation proposal.  Even though my committee and advisor had given me until September to make/submit my revisions, I opted to try to achieve this by July 1st.  Last night, after I worked into the wee hours of the morning, I woke up with a semi-good feeling, albeit I still had nervous feelings in my stomach as well, and looked forward to one last meeting with an outside professor for feedback before hitting the "send" button on my draft email to my committee.

Much like July 1, 2006, I felt excitement and nervous as the anticipation of the afternoon built today.  The morning went quickly with coding an interview, then meeting with colleagues on a different project.  The afternoon contained a mix of emotions as I rode the dissertation rollercoaster of panic, fear, anxiety, and relief tinged with worry.  Why do we PhD students do this to ourselves?!  Sure, riding a rollercoaster is exhilarating but goodness gracious, I don't think my heart can take this much more! 

View from under the Phoenix, a rollercoaster that I grew up on at Knoebels back home. This image sums up the twists and turns and dips and dives that I have dubbed the dissertation rollercoaster process! ;)

So, now it's a waiting game as I hope to hear back from my committee by August 1st.  First of all, I can't believe how quickly the last 2 months went and second of all, I don't want August 1st to get here but I do...because I want to know whether or not I will be able to move forward with Ch. 4 and 5...!  Will my proposal be good enough for my committee?  Will my study be deemed high quality and rigorous enough by these same committee members?  Further, will I be able to use my research in the future long after my time at UNCG has come to an end?  I want to do a good job with the work now but also hope to use it as a building block for future research.  With these questions and thoughts floating in my mind as I drove home from a work meeting on yet another project tonight, I wondered again why I am doing this.  Why did I leave my comfortable life, teaching students and parents I loved working with, sharing ideas and tips with fantastic colleagues whom I'm proud to call friends today....why did I give up a fun social life with friends and regular contact with my parents and brothers to always be racing the clock and trying to meet deadlines?  The research and projects still need to be worked on regardless of whether or not it's summer and how much time you've spent with loved ones that day, both human and furry alike.  Then, I remember how much of an impact my mentors had on me while enrolled in my undergraduate and graduate programs.  I recall the differences in my life my professors have made along the way from IUP to here at UNCG.  I think of all my peers from IUP and my former colleagues at LIU#12 and how wonderful they were at their jobs (even if they did go to Bloom...hehe).  Those are the reasons I'm doing this.  I want to make a difference and to share what I've learned with teachers who will work with my former students.  I want others to realize that just because a child has a disability, doesn't mean he or she can not achieve great things.  We need to raise the bar and expectations and help folks in society realize that just because a person has a hearing loss, a physical disability, a mental health issue, a __________, that person is just as worthy and valued a member of society as the next individual.

That's why I'm doing this. 

So, I suppose, in a way, tonight after having submitted my revisions with doubts and worry lingering in my mind, I feel much like the members of the congregation in attendance at a wedding since there is nothing much to do now but sit back and watch the scene unfold before me.

Until then, onward and upward with the other research projects that are in progress.......I just wish I had some cake.  :P