I just read an article about sharing grief with others. This posting really resonated with me & I hope it will bring others comfort the way it did for me. This past month has been so very hard and just this past week alone has found me seeking counsel from three separate friars/priests at work and church. Today's meeting wound up with both Father and me in tears. A simple statement and question on his part had me dissolve into a puddle of tears that took me by surprise. I thought that with the passing of time, I would be able to better maintain my composure and not instantaneously tear up any time the surgery or circumstances of Charlotte's birth are brought up but I guess in spite of it being over a year now, its still a wound that cuts too deep.
I suppose that is why tonight's article struck me the way it did. The words below are not mine but I could very well have written them. The author talks about letting down the walls and letting others in which makes me think about what happened this time last year. It was a year ago, as we flipped the calendar to April 1st, the month of meals being cooked by local families and delivered to our home started thanks to the kind generosity of local moms and new friends. The food and the outpouring of support from those we were just getting to know or barely knew were such a huge help in our time of need. This is why I try to give back and help other families of newborns as often as I can. Every other week it feels as if another new baby is being born and it's a blessing to live in a community that values and embraces life the way it does here but with each new baby it is a reminder of what Adam and I can no longer have and is bittersweet. I feel genuine happiness and joy over the additions to these families and absolutely love cradling these little ones when I drop off the meal but also feel pangs of sorrow at the same time. What a wild ride life is.
I am definitely looking forward to a new start and month tomorrow come April. Hopefully with the April showers, a cleansing and healing will flow and bloom like the flowers that are sure to come in May. For every thing there is a time and a season and a time to mourn as well as rejoice. Indeed, all that has been buried and withered away surely will bloom again. Jesus, I trust in you!
Here is the article I read tonight and below is an excerpt of some of the author's thoughts that struck a chord within me.
*** I have found, particularly in this past year as our family has walked through some major challenges, many of which revolve around me and my particular set of wounds in need of tending, that it is precisely in revealing the frailty and the neediness that the generous offers of strength, of prayers, and of support are offered in return.When we let people see our grossness, our inconvenience, our mess, we invite them in to do something about it, whether through prayer, compassion and accompaniment, or material support. And those are all ways that we are called to live out our Christian identities, to be Christ to a hurting world awash in pain.
And all the times I’ve railed against Him in pain or in searing alone-ness, begging Him to reveal the path, alleviate the suffering…almost to a fault, those have been the moments when I am clutching my pain tightly to my chest, refusing to offer even a sliver of it to anyone else, to some member of His body who could very well be the incarnate answer to that desperate prayer I am flinging heavenward. My pride and my preoccupation with not being “a burden” to anyone keeps me from hearing His answer, from feeling the merciful touch of His providence through the arms and words of other people. And apart from leaving me marooned in my pain and navel gazing into my seemingly intractable problems, it robs people of the chance to live out the Gospel.
