Typing the title of this blog post has me reeling.
I held it together in the days leading up to this morning. My own schoolwork and work responsibilities have been keeping me soooo busy over the last month. Adam has been busy with student teaching. So it was not difficult to keep from thinking of this extra special first milestone for our girl too much in the last few days but here we are all of a sudden experiencing it today! Two days shy of turning 3.5 years old, Charlotte Annie has begun school.
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| She loved riding the swing on the playground prior to her registration appointment earlier this summer! |
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| Diving into some of the materials during her Registration Orientation. |
She flew through the one-on-one orientations with flying colors. We have been talking about her
school, the playground, her special sticker that will mark her cubby (orange butterfly), her teacher, the new friends she will make, and how fun learning there will be.
She was excited. She kept saying she was going to be a "teacher, too, just like my Daddy and Mommy" and that she was going to see "so many friends" but that "Dusty and Hershey are going to wait at home".
Due to unforeseen circumstances, the start of the school year got pushed back and the first day fell on a day I'm away from campus which was an unexpected bonus. So, upon bedtime last night, we were ready!
I woke a up a few times throughout the night, which is typical but when the alarm let me know it was time to start the day, I took a deep breath and started the day. How hard is it going to be to wake Charlotte this morning? Will she eat breakfast without any problems? We don't want her to be hungry! Hopefully she won't yell too much as I brush her hair and fix it. All these thoughts were running through my mind as soon as my eyes opened because our girl is
not a morning person. In fact, over the summer, when she took part in a summer program that required her to be at the center by 9am, I had to attempt to wake her over three tries over a 45 minute time span. When I described this to Sr. Eliana she said, "So she's a human snooze button" which was exactly the way to describe our mornings in getting Charlotte up and ready for the day. Haha!
So, imagine my surprise when I walked out of the bedroom to find that her light was on in her room and she was doing this!
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| She had turned on her light then crawled back into bed and was calmly and blissfully laying in bed with eyes open and this expectant look on her face. What a surprise! |
Thank you, God, for this unexpected blessing of her being pleasant and already awake ready to start the day! We still had some tears and power struggles in getting dressed but after a few minutes there we were ready to start our day! Eventually, she ate her toast and drank her milk for breakfast all with time to spare. Again, this was a small miracle given she usually sleeps until 9:30 or 10am and all this was before 7:15am! It was such a peaceful and bright way to start this first day!
Soon after Daddy left for school, it was time to go to Charlotte's school! However, we had to take some photos first!
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| SO much sass! |
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| Super excited to go to school! |
She sang and giggled the whole way there which set my Mama's heart at ease. Once we pulled into the school's driveway, she recognized where we were and enjoyed watching the older children play on the playground while we waited for our turn to get out of the car. Everything got extra real for me and I was surprised to feel the hot tears appear in my eyes. I never thought I would be the mom to cry over this sort of milestone. I mean, for 17 years (21 if you count the pre-service years), I was and have been on the other side of things receiving and welcoming students into the new school year, summer camps, vacation bible schools, after school programs, parish religion classes, cheerleading practices, and babysitting. I know, firsthand, the love and energy and support that is poured into each child throughout these times away from parents and caregivers and especially throughout the school day. I have been that person to console a crying child. I have been the person to witness how quickly the toddler or infant "forgets" whom he or she was crying for as redirection occurs. Mentally, I know that the separation in this case is a fleeting moment...but boy did my heart break and crumble at that image and hearing her cries as I had to drive away from the drop off line. I have worked with Charlotte's school in a professional capacity the last couple years and trust the staff with our precious little one. Yet I was not prepared for the sudden pangs of, "Oh my goodness, this is really happening and I'm letting her go" as the school appeared at the end of the driveway. I was surprised I was affected in that way...but then why should it be a surprise? Mothering has been such a conflict between professional and personal worlds at times.
As we waited in the drop off line, the van in front of us contained a little boy who was born on the same day as Charlotte. He was having a rough time with the transition so we wound up sitting in the car for about ten minutes as the staff worked with the boy and his mommy. This was enough time for Charlotte to get antsy and kick off her Minnie Mouse shoes so when it was our turn to pull forward, I had to scramble to find her shoes and put them back on...at this point she became resistant and didn't want to get out of her carseat. The peace and calm from the morning dissipated in the last few minutes frenzy of trying to get her shoes back on that ended up with the director taking Charlotte into the school in her arms as Charlotte cried into her hands. I don't think I'll forget that image of Charlotte looking at me over the director's shoulder, crying, calling out my name, and then waving goodbye to me. Ahhh! I know (hope) she won't remember that part of her first day and am sure she's happily engaged in exploratory and learning activities and meeting new friends in her new school. I was thankful for the sunshine this morning, too, because I want memories of this day for her to be bright and full of light - literally and figuratively. I hope she grows up to value education as much as her Dad and I do and that this first year as a primary student in the preK setting leads to a wonderful experience and journey as a lifelong learners. She's only there for 90 minutes today as next week marks the beginning of the half and full day options and I can't wait to pick her up and hear how today went.
My parents will be here to provide support and help throughout this month since the busy days for my job won't allow for pick up but at least I can drop her off in the mornings...this part has always been my least favorite part of being a working mom. We were so fortunate that she arrived over Spring Break which led into summer so I didn't have to deal with the conflicting emotions of being a working mom in the way of physically leaving her with others until she was five months old. Then, as luck would have it, Adam was able to do the drop offs before starting his work day and then was able to continue with this as a student. So I got a bit spoiled over the last couple years of being the one to pick ups here and there and to not have to emotionally deal with physically dropping her off as I drove to work. We absolutely adore the family who takes such amazingly tender and good care of Charlotte while we're at work but I was thankful Adam was the one physically dropping her off in the mornings. Although the other day when I left the childcare provider's home, I was extra thankful for their large bay window that allowed me to wave goodbye to the children as they excitedly smiled and waved from the living room.
So, this new school year finds that everything has flipped. I'm the one tasked with the drop offs with this new schedule/routine we find ourselves facing and I didn't know how I would feel about that. This is another reason I'm so thankful for today's unexpected peace and calm in getting the day started and getting ourselves out of the house as it showed me that maybe it won't be so bad. I also love that today, the first day for Charlotte (that wasn't supposed to be the first day), falls on the feast day of St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I've always gained loads of inspiration from this saint and reflecting on her life, wisdom, and today's milestone, this quote of hers is bringing me great peace.
Another reason I was anxious for today was I didn't know how I would manage the big emotions of this big first milestone. Each milestone we experience with Charlotte comes tinged with sadness knowing it is the last time we will experience something like this with a child. It was her first day of school but also the only or last time Adam and I get to experience this. I'm currently reflecting on accepting God making me the way He has and saying YES to my own existence...not the existence I had thought I would experience but here right now the way things are. In the days leading up to this milestone, I had wondered how I was going to handle it all and if I was going to be bitter, angry, resentful, disappointed.....but I'm at peace. I'm so thankful I was able to be there and present for her (in spite of the sad departure during drop off...again I'm hoping this is just a blip on the radar screen of her first day of school!) and to trust enough to let her go....even just for 90 minutes. However, I have decided she must live with us until she is 30 and she can just go to college wherever I am working. ;)
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| Time to go pick up my girl! <3 |
She LOVED it! She jumped up and down when she saw me in the pick up line and excitedly said, "Mama! Mama! I want to wave goodbye to all my friends!"
Once we got home, we played outside for a little bit and then she immediately took a nap....who is this child?! The girl who never naps and doesn't like getting up early, got herself up early today and is now taking a mid-morning nap!
