#lovelikeSha

Sunday will mark one year since a friend I can only describe as effervescent left us.  I can hardly believe it's been that long.  On the one hand, it feels like this time last year was yesterday yet in other ways it feels as if it was a lifetime ago.

No one will ever replace Sha.  No one could.  She was a once in a lifetime type of friend who was not afraid to sit with you and walk with you during hard times.  I have no doubt she would have reached out in March and April as we accompanied Dad during his final days.  I imagine what she would have said or done at this time eight months ago.  I sometimes wonder what she would say if she knew of the latest professional developments of working out of two grants and working on three separate book/chapter deals at the moment.  I can almost hear her make a fuss over Charlotte Annie and "ooo and ahh" over her dancing as Charlotte would show off her latest dance moves during a video chat.  Heck, she would probably even start dancing on her end of the call to go along with Charlotte's moves.  ;)

 

When I think back to the last time Charlotte actually did video chat with Sha, it was when she chose her to call when she wanted to tell someone she was going potty.  Sha completely rolled with it and was nonplussed when she answered the video chat to find a three year old sitting on the potty.  She cheered and made Charlotte grin from ear to ear encouraging her to keep up the good work.  The last time I had a video chat with Sha was when some of the students from Women's Ministry were sitting around my dining room table discussing the virtue of hope and the value of gracefully bearing suffering.  We all immediately thought of Sha as we had all been in Austria together the previous semester.  On a whim, I picked up the phone and on the spot called Sha.  Propped up in a hospital bed, she smiled into the phone and greeted each student at the table, including a surprise visitor from Texas.  We prayed over Sha via the video chat, some tears fell, and I, in advisor mode, said I would make plans to call Sha again very soon as I realized I needed to wrap up our call to stay on time for our Women's Ministry Book Study.  That call and last encounter took place in late October which wound up being less than two months than 12/20/19. 

It's been one year and 11 days since I received a message from Sha.  The last two messages I sent her from California were not viewed by her but I have some small measure of comfort that the last message she saw from me during her last three days was letting her know she was being prayed for in a place she knew well. 

 

As I recently scrolled through the memories and What's App conversations with Sha as I mourn, I'm still amazed at her selflessness even amidst the suffering as is evident by her willingness to not shut off from the world or to encourage me to open up and talk with her when she could tell I wasn't myself.  Some of Sha's last messages to me involved her stepping out of her own despair and entering into mine.  I mean, who does that?!  I remember feeling so humbled that she cared enough to care about my problems when she had much bigger problems than I.  

 

I strive to be the type of friend Sha was.  She had a way of making you feel like you were the only one in the room even when sitting in a bustling coffeehouse.  She had a way of always teaching through her actions/words/ways of living such as how to politely send a drink back even when the bartender is being rude and intimidating (ahem).  Her honesty, vulnerability, and realness still resonate with me nearly two years after I first heard some of her testimony and stories and had the blessed opportunity to live in a centuries-old monastery at the foothill of the Alps.  Sha once joked that even though I was only there for one semester that I would always be part of the "fam". So, tonight I invoke the intercession of the Holy Family as I think of Sha and her family. 

Please keep Sha's family and loved ones in your prayers.  

You will never be forgotten, Sha, and may we all strive to #lovelikeSha. 

I have been training all my life for this.. ;)

Today I received an email that made Adam and me laugh and laugh and laugh.  It's not often I'm asked to say more things.  Usually, it's the opposite as co-authors or editors have asked me to trim information or to meet shorter page requirements.  In conversations with Adam, he has been known to say I need to get to the point and to stop rambling and going on and on and on...kind of like I'm doing right now.  ;)

So why the belly aching laughter a moment ago?  Well, I received this message from an editor:

I was just preparing my notes for the editorial board and I noticed that you’ve estimated the book to be about 68 pages. Is that correct? We typically require that our books be at least 100 pages (or about 60, 000 words). I know it would be asking a lot, but do you think it would be possible to increase the page count a bit? I am so excited about your work and I think it will make such a fabulous book. It seems as though there is a lot to be said on the topic so I am hopeful there is a possibility of increasing the page count a bit. Please let me know your thoughts. I wouldn’t need to see those pages now. I would just need to be able to tell the board that plans are in the works to increase the length. And of course I would give you additional time to craft the text.

Wait, you're saying you want me to keep talking?  

You want me to share more on something I am so passionate about and on fire for - - to dive deeper into the themes of my research and share more information?

Why, yes, I would be honored!!  It's like I've been training all my life for this moment to be able to speak and share freely from my heart.  This email brought forth so much joy and it was fun to see my husband smile as I read the email aloud to him and say, "You've never had a problem with adding words!"  This latest project has really truly been such a joy for me to dive into and the chance to be able to elaborate on it and possibly wind up with a book in my hands that contains the information in one place is so exciting!  

I also love that I received this inspiring uplifting positive note on the Feast Day of the Immaculate Conception no less!  *See below for a quick video on this feast day we, as Catholics, celebrate each December.  

Mary, who was without sin and is the ultimate role model for women and a mother I strive to emulate (especially as a fellow mother of one physical child), has been a HUGE source of inspiration for me all my life.  

I look at Mary differently now that I'm a mother and will never forget a dear friend telling me in the hospital shortly after Charlotte was born that I'm like Our Lady for she, too, had one child.  I'll never forget that moment (thank you, Marita) amidst the despair and grieving in Charlotte's first few days outside the womb.  

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I saw this reflection from one of the creators of the mass journal I use and really loved pondering on this piece:

Today on the feast of the Immaculate Conception, we see such a stark contrast between Eve in the first reading and Mary in the Gospel. We can clearly see why some call Mary the “New Eve.” In the first reading, God looks for Eve, but due to her disobedience, she now realizes that she is naked. She is ashamed and hides herself from the Lord.

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Every time I hear these scriptures I am reminded of something I heard several years ago. The root of all sin is summed up in one word: fear. Though fear itself is not inherently sinful, we do sin in different ways out of fear of many things: fear of rejection; fear of what people think of us; fear of never being happy or successful; fear that what we have is not enough; fear that God will not provide.

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// Kathryn Doré in today’s reflection

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This study that will be featured in the book (if this proposal is accepted) is all about mothering and doing it in tough circumstances.  Mary knew better than anyone how to do this and showed humanity how to do it with grace, humility, and a total spirit of surrender.  I'm so honored to hopefully be able to share the stories of other mothers and to hopefully highlight hope and perhaps impart some peace amidst these turbulent times through my work and writing.  Engaging in this study required me to put my own fears aside, to look my own insecurities square in the face, and to lean in more fully knowing that I'm doing what God has put on my heart to do as I seek to surrender bit by bit to a different dream/version of a prior dream. 

Prayers for a successful proposal later this week, my friends, and that I may be able to pursue this book idea!  

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. 

Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. 

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. 

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.  Amen 

Balancing more than One Love

At the end of an exceptionally busy semester, I have been mulling over this : how do we find professional/personal balance? 

Granted...the times and circumstances we live in at the moment are not the norm but the reality is multi-tasking has always been the norm in my world and that of other working mothers I know. 

Maybe I am just thinking so much about this because my students had to read an article about fathers of children with intellectual disabilities and whether or not the fathers practiced mindful parenting. The study in the article is making me think of how Charlotte is being affected by all the constant juggling and balancing. 

Yet, I know that in addition to being her Mom, my vocation is to teach, research, and serve. I read earlier today a comment that someone shared saying women need to stop saying their jobs are their callings and that the jobs are just that....jobs. 

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around that concept since I have always loved what I do and derive great joy and satisfaction from working with children, colleagues, and strangers alike. I think I like the Opus Dei view of what work is better. I have always seen my work as my calling. I think I like looking at it from the lens of how God uses the gifts He has given,the way I attempt to use the gift of time, and the drive instilled within me to work  within my vocation in addition to how I put those same things to use in the home as wife and mother instead of trying to be detached and placing the job way over there. So I will continue to try to be mindful both as Wife/Mommy and as Teacher as I pursue two loves...while I also count down the days to break. 😉