Baby steps

After two years and one day of waiting, my family and I were finally able to give Dad the military honors he so richly deserved. The wintry weather held off until we were halfway to the military cemetery. Looking back, it seems fitting that the rain/snow/ice fell as we stood graveside as it matched the tears and feelings of coldness that have appeared over and over again since losing Dad. As we stood in the pouring rain, I couldn't help but think of Dad encouraging us to get out of the cold wet weather and to seek shelter. He never wanted to be the center of attention when alive yet he was at the heart of it all yesterday and rightly so! People traveled from near and far, braved the cold dreary weather, and sat through a special personalized mass that was overflowing with meaningful anecdotes and special memories. 

Lots of nice things were said yesterday. Stories were shared and hugs exchanged. Time flew by so fast and not enough time was spent just sitting and talking with one another. Conversations were started then interrupted and new ones picked up where the old ones ended. 

I saw a picture of my brothers and me, with Mom, and still can't get used to seeing us as a family of five. There is a gaping hole where Dad used to be but as one of the eulogies from yesterday shared...while it is impossible to fill the space he once filled, we have the memories/love to help us to try to rise up to who he was. Yesterday, during prayer, I had an image of Jesus and Dad together holding us all up as Fr. Jack reminded us that we aren't alone and both Jesus and Dad are with us in different ways. Dad always loved the Footprints in the Sand prayer. After yesterday, and all the references to the steps he took while alive, and the different paths that unfolded in his life, I kept coming back to the walk on the beach that yielded one set of footprints at times. There were so many times that Dad carried us all by the grace of God. Now it's our turn to do the same for others in our lives. Thanks for being such a great example of quiet strength, humility, and perseverance amidst so many trials, Dad. Go rest with Jesus.

Of all the many things shared with me during yesterday's whirlwind, I think the below is one of my favorites from our cousin down in Texas who made the trip to be with us.

Today, after a two year wait, we were finally able to pay proper homage to my Uncle Rich Kemmery.

Rich was a literal force of a person. Served 2.5 tours in Vietnam as a CCT, then ATC stateside, became a pilot, then worked for the VA, was a homeless advocate, Red Cross volunteer, a church volunteer, a Meals on Wheels driver (in his late 60s), a baseball coach, a dedicated father of 4, husband, grandfather to 8, and probably the nicest, most dedicated friend you had ever met. He was larger than life.

I kept it together all the way through until my cousins said, “Hey Ethan, can we get you for a second at the end?” So, standing graveside they pointed to the MSM on the stone and asked, “You know what that is?” I said yes, and my cousin produces Uncle Rich's originally issued Meritorious Service Medal, and says, “We think it’s best for you to keep it.” At that moment I was done. I hadn’t cried that hard since I buried my grandfather. “You were like another son to him, you know that right?”

If I can exemplify even 10% of the life this man led, it will have been a life well led.

Here are other images from yesterday. I don't think we got any from the mass (here is the Youtube link to the mass (that includes beautiful music including a song from Adam's and my wedding that the families processed into the church to - Anyhow, the two eulogies start at the 48 min. 30 secs. mark). The mass was probably my favorite part of the day then we had the brunch that followed mass before we headed out to the cemetery. Some of the below pictures were captured by a friend of my sister-in-law who came out to capture these moments. Thank you, Jenn, for being there, too!

My godfather had texted me about finding the happy moments throughout the day to remember...this was one of them. Charlotte Annie had bunnynapped the stuffed bunny from Grammy's house. This was the moment when I realized what she did as I snapped this selfie.

Look at that mischievous grin!!

I think Dad would have been so proud and honored by all who came to remember him and the special way in which we recalled the impact he made on so many. <3

My little brother and I think there were about 18 to 20 cars that processed during "Pappy's Parade". There were three or four police escorts and three motorcyclist took part in the procession as well. 

Updated to add more pictures:  Here are some images I stole from my little brother. Thanks to Karina for taking them! 

The raised fists of the motorcyclists!

Patrick's view as he drove back up 81 to Frackville...

Ethan, our cousin, walking up to the group as we waited to enter the cemetery.

On the way home, the snow/ice/rain fell until just outside Pittsburgh. At one rest stop, Adam's parents bumped into my aunt, uncle, and cousin who were also making their way westward. When Adam, Charlotte, and I made a stop off the turnpike, we also ran into a former student and her family who were heading back to Ohio as well. Such a small world! That is exactly the sort of thing I would have called Dad about to share with him and we would have had a good chuckle over it.

I'm thankful we were able to finally have the service and that so many could surround Mom and ease some of the loneliness if only for the day. Thank you to all who volunteered, helped plan, contributed, and for being there. Smiles, tears, and memories were shared yesterday. May we all follow the advice shared in the closing of the second eulogy and seek to fill our shoes and make an impact as Dad did...even if just one step at a time. #onedaycloser 

Holy Hard Week

Two years ago today, Charlotte Annie said goodbye to Pappy as she and Adam drove back to Ohio. Here is what I wrote at that time.

Little did my brothers, Mom, and I, who stayed behind, know that Dad would be leaving us as we knew him that same night.

Four more days would pass before his body would breathe its last breath but the man we knew, the one we loved beyond measure, and the leader of our home who cared for, led us, and protected us so well left us on this day two years ago to begin his journey home to our Lord.

Ever since 2020, Lent and Holy Week have been extra hard for me as those times of year provide flashbacks to that extra hard holy week as we watched Dad decline and eventually peacefully breathe his last breath with us at his bedside.

All the details and memories from those early April days leading to the middle of the month are never far from my mind but are especially salient during Holy Week. Adding another layer of hard, one of my courses I teach involves focusing on the role of parents and caregivers in the children's educational matters and in their lives. This week, much like back in Spring 2020, we focused specifically on fathers and the importance of why they matter within early intervention. Those conversations and the webinar assignment we work out of fell during this 12th week of classes. On Easter Monday, we will have the long awaited funeral with military honors for Dad. I'm in part dreading the whole affair and in part thankful and grateful we can finally give him the service he so deserved. In a way this mixture of feelings takes me back to those initial days of feeling relieved Dad was no longer suffering mixed with the immense grief that is still felt today.

Now that Easter Break is about to start and the hectic frenzied pace of teaching/advising/meeting has slowed for a bit due to the liturgical schedule, I have no choice but to start facing what is coming up in a few days.

Let's rock and roll, right, Dad?

Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love. ~ Unknown

If you could spare some extra prayers this weekend on Sunday which is the actual anniversary and then on Monday which is the day we will have a special mass for the repose of Dad's soul, brunch, and then the funeral service with the military honors that afternoon, I would be so grateful!