Loving Enough to Leave

My parents have raised us four children to leave.  I don't mean that in a bad way.  I think it's pretty safe to say that I can speak for my three brothers when I say we had it pretty good growing up with my parents.  What I mean is...that part of parenting us has meant for my Mom and Dad that they have  had to get pretty good at saying goodbye.  I'm thinking specifically about when one of us left home for the first time.  In the mid 90s, my big brother, Brian, went away to college and was the first to leave our family of six.  I remember how strange it seemed to make the familiar long drive across the state on the turnpike from Pittsburgh to northeastern PA, about a five hour drive from University of Pittsburgh to our home in northeastern Pennsylvania as a family of five rather than six.  How odd it must have felt for my parents to be sitting at the front of the van with only three kids in tow rather than the usual four.  I never stopped to consider it until now but it must have felt like a hole in their hearts that took the form of my tall lanky determined to move south someday Nascar loving brother.  We had a ball moving him in to his dorm in one of the towers at Pitt earlier that day but then reality set in as night fell and with each mile that separated us on the highway as we drove home and my brother began his life at college away from the only family life we had ever known.

Then, my twin and I followed in Brian's footsteps two short years later when we both left at the same time for two different colleges.  My parents had to love us enough to let us leave and do two at the same time!  This made for three children being away at school at the same time.  Not only did that take a toll financially but it must have emotionally as well.  Patrick, my little brother, was not too far behind us joining the ranks of college student in the early 2000s.  Yes, at one point, my parents had four grown children in college all at the same time with the closest one being 1.5 hours from home.  I can't fathom Charlotte Annie being away from Adam and me and the thought of the silence and stillness from her absence that we will someday experience makes my heart want to break.  I can't imagine how that would feel times that by four as my parents must have experienced!  I have a whole new appreciation for the loving my parents gave us and the heartache that accompanies parenting four at once as I look at our upbringing with a new set of eyes today.

A couple years after college, my parents had to love us all enough to leave my twin on the other side of the state as they visited him in western Pennsylvania where he was enrolled in the state police trooper academy at the time.  Mark's time in the police academy was tough and it was probably hard on my parents to think of his facing these trials so far from home.  At the same time, we would make trips down south to visit Brian in his new home state of North Carolina and see Patrick in his new home in Delaware which was about three or so hours from home.  I became the child who lived the closest to my parents with living in central PA.  However, we were and are all happy with where we are so that probably eases some of the sadness my parents might feel over having their children spread out so far.

Mom and Dad have been such terrific examples of raising confident strong children who are not afraid to chase their dreams and work hard for them yet know they can come home when needed.  They loved us enough to let us branch out and try new things even if it meant stumbling and falling.  They provide us with the encouragement and wisdom to get through rough patches and while I'm sure they would probably rather we all live a stone's throw from home, they are hopefully proud of how we have turned out so far and where we are in each of our respective lives.

I also think of Adam's parents and family and am so grateful to them for loving Adam enough to let him leave (for now).  He picked up and moved three time zones away to start our lives together as a new family.  Only by the grace of God, and support of our families, are we able to have the courage to face each new day as we chase our dreams and seek to serve through our God-given abilities.

In a few days, my parents are going to have to face probably one of the most difficult goodbyes yet.  They, along with my big brother, are going to drive to Delaware to pick up my little brother.  Then they will make their way down to Georgia where they will drop Patrick off at the top of a mountain. They will have to hug him, smile through the tears, and wave goodbye as he sets out on the biggest adventure of his life.  They will need to let him walk off into the unknown literally and figuratively.  They will return to their vehicle, probably with a mix of excitement and nerves, with that one empty spot in it, much like when we returned home the first time we had to live as a family of five rather than our customary six when we left Brian in Pittsburgh back in August 1996.  Patrick will be out on the trail until August or September - - six long months from now.  My parents will make the trek north by car as they drive from Georgia to Ohio just in time for little Charlotte Annie's 2nd birthday party.  I'm glad that they will have something joyous and celebratory to look forward to as they try not to focus on the temporary physical absence of my little brother in their hearts.  I hope some day I'm able to love enough to let Charlotte leave and make her own mark on this world following my parents' and my in-laws' example. 

I also can't help but think of how much the Lord loves us when I think of my parents and the kind of parent I hope to be to Charlotte.  We are each the Lord's children yet some of us don't make time for Him in our lives.  How it must pain him to be separated from so many of his beloved children yet He is always at the ready for when we seek Him.  What a mighty and loving Father to accept us flaws and all!