This week is set aside to raise awareness about something I wish I could go one day without being aware of at times. Over these last seven years, I have learned that this cross of secondary infertility doesn't truly ever go away...sometimes the weight of it is crushing and I can barely catch my breath. Sometimes it is surprisingly lighter in some days. Most of the time, it is a steady and consistent weight that I shoulder in a nearly resigned fashion trying to carry it with grace.
Then, there are moments like today, when a little piece splinters off and pricks in a new way. At lunchtime, Charlotte said, "Mommy, you know, God can work miracles and maybe surprise you with a baby in your tummy. Mommy, you have brothers and Daddy has a brother and a sister. If I could pick a baby, I would pick a sister!" How do I foster belief in miracles and with God, all things are possible, when her most often cited prayer for a baby sibling is impossible?
Yes, every single day, this is an awareness so this week is not one that needs highlighted in my color-coded planner. 😉 When she is a little older, Charlotte will know what the term, secondary infertility, means and we will hopefully prevent the same outcome for her. For now, though, we are officially half way through Infertility Awareness Week now that Wednesday is nearly finished.
The latest statistics show 1 in 8 couples will struggle to conceive. That is a pretty high number and one difficult to envision given my daily surroundings and community and the seeming perception of being the only ones in our circle. I have wondered if things might feel differently if we lived in a larger city where triangle families are more the norm?
A dear friend is prepping to undergo a hysterectomy soon. Her upcoming surgery, and the time to mentally and physically prepare, has me recalling the way the events unfolded on the night of Charlotte's birthday. Would it have been better to know ahead of time? Would it make things easier now seven years on the other side of it? Here is my mom's perspective of what happened on 03/07/16 written one year after the fact.
These words from my Mom as she reflected on the life changing events show a different side of infertility...of how life-saving events that result in lasting infertility can also be seen as a blessing.
I don't know the full purpose as to why things happened the way they did but what I do know is there is no escaping this cross regardless of how it arrived. Jesus did not deserve His cross yet He bore it and accepted it. Who am I to lament and grumble and complain? God has given this specific cross to me and for a purpose. He has also prepared me for this and I can see over these last seven years, the stepping stones that have been provided to help me on my way.
I hope to inspire Charlotte, and others, to also pick up and carry their own crosses every opportunity they get...no matter what the cause may be. Tonight, when you go to bed, maybe consider that 1 in 8 couple and cover them in prayer. At least for Adam and me, we know the answer and can experience the absolute in that. My heart can't fathom the pain of trying month after month to not have your prayers be answered. If this is you reading these words, know I am offering up my pain to be united on the cross with yours. He knows what He's about...even if we don't.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness."
–Lamentations 3:22-23
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