"Please go read Psalm 42:11"

The title of this blog comes from a text I received tonight.  The psalm asks, "Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God."  I felt compelled to write about the events leading up to receiving of this text tonight.  I've been meaning to blog for a while but just haven't made the time for it.  Hopefully this summer will allow extra time to share some more with those of you who take the time to read my ramblings!

Today was a particularly trying day...actually the last several weeks have been but it's easy to get swept up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and the end of the semester happenings.  I'm definitely looking forward to a semi-slower pace of living in 2 days when Summer 2012 greets me.  However, looking at my agenda of traveling to 2 different states (Pennsylvania and Delaware) by this Sunday seems to contradict this but as anyone who knows me will tell you, I must travel to go see my family, friends, and new places for my own sanity.  ;)

So back to the battling of the blues business....somehow even with being 382.21 miles and 407.36 miles away from me, 2 of my closest friends back home reached out to me this afternoon.  Thank goodness for email, texting, and instant messaging because it (almost) helps to make me feel as close as if we were sitting across the table from each other in a cozy little coffeeshop.  I love how we can go for a few days without talking but can pick up right where we left off and be there for one another when we need the support.  Everyone should have such great caring friends in their lives. 

Tonight, I went to Adoration at a local chapel since it's the last Monday of the month.  A few of us in the Young Adults group I'm a part of at church try to go together on the last Monday of each month.  Tonight, I struggled with whether or not to go since I've been feeling pretty alone in many aspects of my faith/life (see earlier Theology on Tap desert blog post).  This afternoon, when talking with my friend, I realized just how devastatingly distant I have been feeling.  It seems that everything/everyone is moving forward while I feel stuck in a rut.  I should be overjoyed by the fact that the semester is coming to an end, that most of my family and friends are happy and healthy at this time, that I have a roof over my head thanks to the extreme generosity of my brother and sister in law, that lots of exciting and fun events/destinations await me this summer, yet somehow...I feel disconnected & lonely from it all. 

Anyhow, I was wanting to just stay in and wait for my family to return from PA tonight but I forced myself to go to the chapel because as Jesus said, "Could you not keep watch for just one hour?" and I thought who am I to blow HIM off and not go tonight?!  I got in the car and drove the 10 minutes to the chapel.  As soon as I entered the foyer area, a woman greeted me and asked me to step into the darkened sanctuary with her.  In the peaceful empty church, with the altar aglow by the softly shining lights above it, the woman introduced herself as Sister Lucy.  She is one of the nuns who helps run the chapel, which has been a perpetual adoration chapel for 17 years and will soon celebrate the 18th year come June. 

Apparently, a notice had been placed in my church bulletin about the young adults' adoration hour tonight and Sister Lucy had read of it after mass yesterday.  In an effort to welcome us, she had created packets of brochures and bookmarks to share with us.  This gentle, caring woman spoke to me about service, appealing to Jesus through His mother, Mary, and remembering that God is always with me, especially when it may be difficult and lonely, and when I may not feel His presence!  She had no way of knowing of my earlier conversations with Jason and Ashley nor that I had debated even going to the chapel tonight.  By the end of our half hour conversation, she had excitedly agreed to be a speaker at our Theology on Tap series next year, offered up the grounds for a possible retreat, and also assured me of the sisters' support in helping with the showing of DVD series/bible studies. 

After my adoration hour ended and chit chatting with some of the other young adults, I returned to my car, still amazed by the recent turn of events through meeting Sister Lucy tonight.  I checked my phone to find yet another round of comforting words via a text message:  "...He brings suffering, discontent, and sadness into our lives to bring us to Him.  It's horrible but on the other side of this we will recognize how good He is...."  These words hit home for me as I've been struggling with why there is so much pain affecting my friends lately....a friend from high school dying unexpectedly, another set of friends tragically losing their 11 month old son in an accident, a close friend moving to a new state, another friend's mother-in-law passing away unexpectedly.....my heart aches for these losses/changes my friends are experiencing and the pain that many others are facing.  I know that we aren't given too much that we can't handle and that there is a purpose for everything but still, it seems so unfair at times.

As I drove home tonight, the first song that played on the radio was one I've heard before but it took on different meaning due to recent conversations/events.  Here are the lyrics....I just need to do a better job of believing that I'm not alone, no matter how quiet or distant He is or may feel to me.  One more interesting twist?  When I looked up the video to post on here on Youtube, I learned that this song is on an album that was released on February 28th...my birthday.  ;0)

                                                                                       

When the path is daunting
And every step exhausting
I'm not alone
I'm not alone, no, no
I feel you draw me closer
All these burdens on my shoulder
I'm not alone, I'm not alone
You pull me me from this place

Hellelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

How your love has moved me, yeah
To the foot of all your glory
I'm not alone, I'm not alone
I'm not alone

Hallelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

All of these cities you have built
And every cathedral you have filled
To all of creation you gave life with your hands
And with those hands you comfort me
You lift me up from my knees
And carry me
You carry me

Hallelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross
The cross
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross