Do You Hear What I Hear ? ?

Last night, I had a conversation with a friend in which she asked what my thesis is on...I gave her the nuts and bolts version of my dissertation plans.  In short, I plan on interviewing 3 students, who have hearing loss, but are educated in the general education setting, and others in their lives to see how the students and others perceive themselves.  The point I made with my friend is that people tend to assume, when they see hearing aids, that the person identifies him/herself as deaf and that may not always be the case.

It was then that my friend said, "Well, how do you identify yourself?" to which I said as a person with hearing loss who usually fits in with hearing society.  Her response, "Yeah, when we first met, I didn't know you were deaf (even though I had not used that term to describe myself) until your hearing aid made a noise one time".  It's precisely for this reason why I'm so curious about this subject....even after having just heard from me that some folks with hearing loss may not identify or call themselves deaf, myself included, my friend proceeded to say, "You're deaf".

Please understand, I'm not in any way, shape, or form saying that there is something wrong with that label....I am just trying to say that because one person may perceive one thing that does not necessarily make it true and really, what it all boils down to, in my humble opinion, is respect and respecting differing views.  I need to respect how others view me, even if it differs from how I view myself and vice versa.

However, when statements such as, "Yeah, I knew you had to be deaf because of how you talked" and "It's annoying trying to have a conversation with him, because he can't hear and he just won't wear a hearing aid, when he needs it", can be very hurtful...both of which I have heard in the last 6 weeks from two different friends.  When I hear these kind of statements, I can't help but wonder why it's okay to express such views yet we would never dare to say such negative thoughts about skin color or religious differences.  Having a special need makes those of us, with those needs, unique but we are still as worthwhile and valuable as the next person.  Sure, you might have to accommodate your interaction/communication style by repeating yourself, making sure you have our attention before speaking, and/or being more patient but hopefully by getting to know us for who we are, rather than being hung up on the hearing aids or the mispronunciation of a few words, makes it worth it.  It doesn't take rocket science to realize that even with hearing aids, some things will still be said differently simply by the sheer fact that we are not hearing the same way that someone with "normal" hearing levels would.  In my opinion, by making critical comments, especially as an adult, it's implying that we're less than good enough.  Believe me, it still happens....I can recall a Thanksgiving meal, as an adult, when my family and I took turns reading something aloud at the dinner table and a family member corrected me on a pronunciation of a word.  We all have weaknesses and areas in which we can improve and for some, it's more of a challenge than others.  I just would hope that by being more aware of differing views of identity and by being more accepting of each others' differences, that we can be more loving toward one another.  This is not to say that we shouldn't point out areas that may need improving but there is a time and a place for everything don't you think?

I would hope that I have made some sort of difference in others' lives (in spite of my hearing loss??) but for those who only choose to see me as someone with a disability (even if I don't see myself that way), that's their right as well.  It takes all kinds of people to make up this beautiful world and I wouldn't have it any other way...because quite frankly, if we all agreed and shared the same view, this would be a pretty boring place.  So, after last night's conversation, once I brushed aside the hurt feelings, I felt reinvigorated and even more excited about my upcoming dissertation study because I'm really curious to see if the responses of my subjects will match my current line of thinking or even how I felt about all of this when I was their age.  What an exciting adventure I'm about to embark on in 2013!!

P.S.----Now that it's December (and the best holiday has passed...), I'm okay with the radio stations playing Christmas songs.  I look forward to enjoying one of my favorites, "Do You Hear What I Hear?"  Given the content of this blog posting, you might think that's a pun but it really isn't.  I have always loved that song and it has nothing to do with hearing loss...but I do think it's funny how folks automatically assume that it is when they learn it's my favorite..again just goes to show you the power of influence of different frames of reference/viewpoints.  :)