I can so clearly remember how cold it was that gray Wednesday afternoon last year as I nervously yet excitedly met my now colleagues for the first time, fielded interview questions from the Dean and various committees, taught my first oversized class of students on campus, and pondered whether this place would be a good fit for me...in light of financial and personal reasons.
365 days later I am sitting here in a house Adam and I bought as I work to grade mid-term exams and field texts/emails about wedding attire and again mulling over financial and personal issues. Much like the job interview process last year, I'm learning that you can't please everyone when trying to plan the wedding this year. To think I thought if I had the details figured out sooner than later that I could somehow eliminate the stress, anxiety, and completely enjoy the last remaining months leading up to the wedding makes me shake my head right now.
How many times have we planned and prepared for something just for God to show us that it wasn't His will? How many hours have been spent prepping for an event only to have obstacle after obstacle prevent it from turning out the way you envisioned? When will we learn to just let it go and relinquish control? To let go of the people pleasing attribute and just do the best we can with what we have right here right now? It is virtually impossible to make everyone happy but if you try to assert yourself you can be viewed as unyielding, relentless, or not accommodating. I see this in my teaching style as I try (not always successfully) to reach all of my students but again, in a class of 25+ students, you won't satisfy everyone. What a metaphor for life...in the real world classroom as one of my sisters-in-law reminded me tonight, you will have as many opinions or wants as the number of people you know. How beautifully diverse a tapestry we have because of that. If we all had the same thoughts or opinions we would have a drab piece of fabric. This line of thought also makes me think of a conversation from this morning. A friend is struggling within her family with some really difficult circumstances and we remarked how sometimes it is a real struggle to focus on the blessings in our lives rather than the crosses. If you could keep this family in your prayers as they walk through the dark times right now that would mean the world to me! Personally, today was full of many highs and lows; one that contained a full out ugly cry in which Dusty Shamrock just kept on playing with his new treat instead of coming over to the couch to comfort me as he usually does (silly pup!), led to feeling so far behind/overwhelmed in schoolwork due to not getting started on the grading until 5pm, included seeing a beautiful sky blue dress on my phone that will be worn in less than 3 months, dissolving into tears before 10:45am this morning, finally nailing down a dance step I had been trying to learn in a dance class this afternoon, and getting excited for an upcoming experiment between a colleague's and my classes as we work hard on a collaborative project that we started planning last fall.
I've always been a firm believer of "behaving your way out of something" so that's just what I'm going to do with the remainder of this day. I'm going to continue plucking away at the grading in an attempt to get this stack of mid-terms graded within the next 90 minutes and I
For God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to bring to light the knowledge of the glory of God on the face of [Jesus] Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians, Chapter 4
