Reminders

Today, and the last couple of days really, have been full of reminders of something I cannot forget. Growing up, the month of June meant summer was here, windows were open all day long, the thud of the basketball could be heard bouncing off the Bell Telephone parking lot, and plenty of celebrations were had with my older brother's birthday usually falling somewhere near Father's Day then closing out the month with Mom and Dad's anniversary.

It is now the fifth day of June and three weeks before that special day I always associate with love. I plan to be home with Mom on June 26th and actually Charlotte, she, and I will be at mass that day since a childhood friend had a mass said for him on that day!

So, these last few days in the month of Father's Day and my parents' anniversary, the tears come during the most random of times. Seeing a shirt in an ad that said, "I'm not sleeping - - I'm just resting my eyes," reminded me of all the times Dad claimed, from his reclined position in the living room armchair, that he was doing just that. Tonight, as I re-enrolled our daughter in her school for next year, I was taken aback by the thought that I had to take Dad off my list of emergency contacts. He is listed as my #1 contact if my hubby couldn't be reached for so many things. Working on a women's book study schedule led me to a video post I had made seven days before his passing. As I watched back what I had shared I just wanted to jump into that video and be able to talk to my Dad again.

As bad as things are for my brothers and me right now, I can't even imagine the pain Mom is facing. I don't know about her, but everything is still so raw and fresh as others have moved on and go about their lives but yet, it feels as if time has simultaneously sped up and frozen at once for me. However, seeing this quote tonight reminded me that pain and grief are not wasted. This quote is a good reminder that crosses don't go away but they give us the chance to stretch ourselves and grow in humility and hopefully grace as we try our best to carry the crosses fashioned for each of us. A lot more heartbreak has been added to the current cross I am already familiar with but with God's help, I've got this.... Right?

The everlasting God has, in his wisdom, foreseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost heart. This cross he now sends you, He has considered with His all-knowing eyes, understood with His loving mind, tested with His wise justice, warmed with His loving arms, and weighed with His own hands, to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. – Saint Francis de Sales