Falling into Fall

This image seems to sum up my thoughts at the moment.  I am frantically trying to get last minute things done for the start of the semester as the Literature Review and IRB paperwork I so desperately wanted to start this summer continue to not get started, let alone done....other things are simply taking priority at the moment.  However, I am trying to consciously not worry about it and do what I can with the time I'm given. 

Along the same lines, here is the response I sent my YoPa Mom.  ;) 

Thank you for the comment on my blog!!! And for reminding me to read a previous post I had made on here again.  

Mulling over what you said has made me realize that this whole experience, for better or for worse, has definitely been teaching me a lot of lessons. I think I'm learning that I shouldn't take on so much, that less than 100% is ok (still working on that one), and to try to let go of some of the control I strive to hang on to (HUGE struggle there) even though I never thought of myself as being such a control person (ha!). Having your support means everything!!! 

As my advisor also said this past week, life's too short to worry and faith IS more positive than worry.  So here's to embracing more of the faith rather than the worry as we fade out of summer and dive into the fall!

Five summers of babysitting...!

When I was living in Pennsylvania, I would come down to North Carolina every other week during the summers when I was off from teaching, to babysit my niece and nephews.  It was my summer job and I did my tutoring and homebound visit teaching at home during the weeks I wasn't babysitting.  My friends thought I was nuts for driving to and from NC every week but I loved being with my NC fam and getting to know them up close and personal.  It was also supplemental income since I still got paid for my teaching job and other part time jobs in PA.  Those babysitting summers helped me to pay off my Master's degree and my car (RIP Saturn Ion!!).

Now, it's a necessity due to being a "poor college student" again and not having the teacher income I was used to from when I lived in PA.  I still love my niece and nephews to pieces but it is definitely a different set of stressors than when I was traveling back and forth from PA.  There is a sense of urgency in that I have so many other projects/schoolwork/things to do hanging over me when I go off the clock but I hope that the children will some day look back on these summers and smile from the memories we've made.

The first summer it was just Mason Noelle, followed by Clark Brien the next two summers.  Then, during the third summer, thanks to my brother and sister-in-law's extreme and gracious generosity, I moved down here so that was a bit of a transition to say the least.  Last summer saw the addition of Braden Brien and this summer was even more different with a tremendous amount of other responsibilities on my shoulders in addition to caring for my adorable niece and nephews. 

With this week being the final week of babysitting for this summer, since I return to full-time work in (gulp!) 9 days, I need to get our annual summer photo taken before I go off duty on Tuesday night!



Mason and I were excited to joing Alisha for a girls' day of shopping this summer afternoon.  Alisha gave me this photo in a frame as an end of the summer thank you gift.  It is one of my favorite pictures and I can't wait to display the frame again some day when I'm back in my own place. 

Clark, Mason, Alisha, and I had a wonderful time at Olde Salem in Winston-Salem on this day.  I currently display this photo in one of the coolest gifts I've received.  Summer 2009's thank you gift was a beautiful glass vase photo holder that i have light purple orchid flowers and blue and green glass balls in as a backdrop behind this photo.  Old Salem is one of my favorite places here, in NC, and what's even more special is that Alisha gave me a unique handcrafted village of ten of the buildings there that I love displaying in my hutch and will do again when my furniture is out of storage!  This was also taken 6 months before I learned of the opportunity to start working on the doctorate now and not 20 some years from now after I retired from teaching.  Never in a million years, would I have dreamt that the following summer I would be moving down here during my every other week trips!!!!! Amazing how life works.

This photo was taken during my last weekend of babysitting in 2010 just days before starting at UNCG.  We had left mass one Saturday night when I realized that I hadn't taken the annual summer photo yet! 

What a summer this was with having one year of the doc program under my belt, supervising and teaching online student teaching seminars, getting started on portfolio artifacts, and helping with the 3 babies all at the same time...!

Glass half empty or half full??

This morning, as I got ready to go to school, I was asked why I'm going there when it's summer and "I'm done".  I mulled over that misperception as I drove to UNCG and thought about all that I had done this summer but began to stress over all that I still have yet to get done....and also thought about how badly needed a support system is in order to get through this unique life circumstance (for me anyway).  

For as often as I wish I could call my parents and vent, there isn't enough time to do so and I would be on the phone with them for 3 days at a time if I were to try to unload everything on them.  There have been a few times I've tried sharing some of what I do (i.e., classwork, research projects, manuscript topics, etc.) with others, but when they begin to get that glazed look in their eyes, you know it's time to stop talking and it's taking time away from the work I need to be doing anyhow.  Even while taking the 20 minutes out of my day to type this blog, which I'm finding is a stress-reliever, I'm thinking how I should be working on an email to my advisor and should get back to working on the syllabus for the class I'm teaching this fall.  

My poor sister-in-law often gets stuck hearing about certain aspects of a project or my day if we happen to see each other late at night as we're passing through the kitchen on our way to bed.  When my little brother comes to visit, he often has to spend at least an hour of listening to me as I fill him in on the latest events.  My best friend gets an occasional email when I'm about to explode so she usually hears the end result of something.  It's funny to look back over the last 2 years and think of the different people who have entered and exited my life and have served as sounding boards and provided advice..where there has been no one particular individual, different friends and family members have served roles in aiding me in this process.  

When reflecting, I sometimes think that it would be nice to have one constant person to be the confidant in whom I'd share all the daily stressors and stories with but perhaps the reason there is not one right now is because I need to pull that from within me and focus on just pulling myself through it by my own bootstraps!  School/work are getting my 100% attention right now and as my close friends and family would probably tell you, that affects all other aspects of life in that I can't be 100% committed/engaged in other things without always having the looming projects/schoolwork in the background.  This has been a hard realization for me to come to since I'm an all or nothing type of gal and in the past have always put 100% of my everything into what ever it was that I was doing.  That might not be the healthiest way of doing something but it had always worked for me in the past.  It's been a HUGE adjustment to go from being meticulous and thorough in one thing to being spread out over multiple projects and just barely getting it all done...It's also why it still shocks me when people say things like, "Oh, you're on summer break and can relax now", "You aren't doing anything right now anyway since classes have ended", or "You finished that project so you're done with the work now"... 

Thank goodness for my peers who are going through some of the same so we can all relate to one another.  It makes me think of the show on MTV way back when..."You think you know, but you have no idea"...and I also can't wait for the next step when I've completed this part of my life and am on to the next phase of my career where difficult as it may seem to imagine, I might look back on this time in my life and say, "Wow, to think I thought I was busy then..!" 

When I sit down and put in black and white just what I've done and still have to do this summer, all 1.5 weeks remaining of it, I start to get anxious.  However, each day brings with it a new opportunity to do more and do better.  I just have to take it all one day at a time!!

DONE

*  Rough draft of my portfolio for Fall 2012 (just because the rough draft is done....this does not mean all the artifacts will be passed.  I'm sure that I will need to make revisions and resubmit portions of the portfolio.

*  Worked a summer job and babysat.

STILL NEED TO DO

- Prepare for the class I'm teaching this fall.

- Lit Review / IRB paperwork

- Dissertation and Pilot Study prep work

The last 2 are crucial if I'm going to stick to my timeline of graduating in 4 years...!!

IN PROGRESS

Ø  NLCSD manuscript

Ø  ASL study focus groups manuscript  

Ø  ASL study presentation at DEC conference in Minneapolis, MN in October 2012  

Ø  Itinerant study (submitted proposal to CEC in April 2013 in San Antonio, TX and working on manuscript)

Ø  Parent Mentor Support Network (California) project ,submitted proposal to AERA in April 2013 in San Francisco, CA, and working on a manuscript in Fall 2012

Ø  Early Numeracy Skills Builder study (submitted proposal to CEC in April 2013 in San Antonio, TX)

Ø  Starting a Reading study in Fall 2012

Ø  Possible journal analysis project of The Volta Review in Fall 2012

 

Ø  Manuscript Review in Fall 2012

What it all boils down to is there just is not enough time in the day!!!  Eeek!

Surprises in the mailbox

Don't you just love when you get unexpected letters and surprises in the mail?? 

I forgot to check the mail yesterday so when I returned from my hot air balloon ride in Asheville this morning, I decided to go to the mailbox.  Inside, I found 4 unexpected items!

First, I received a letter from the Hershey Bears thanking me for coordinating a group outing last year.  You can read about that fun event here! The Hershey Bears invited us back for next season and even want to enter my name into a drawing to possibly win a team signed replica practice jersey.  How cool!

The second item in the mailbox is something that I have mixed emotions on since it deals with my hearing loss.  Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely use my hearing loss to get out of or get something in life.  However, when a colleague told me about possible scholarship opportunities from
The Office of Disability Services, I figured what did I have to lose and applied for a scholarship in the spring.  I had all but forgotten about the application until this morning when I opened a letter from UNCG.  Inside, was a letter informing me that I had been selected as a recipient of The Preyer Scholarship for this academic year.  What welcome news as I plan out my budget for conference travel this year!!!  I had been up late last night worrying about money to pay for school supplies, travel, and bills.  At one point, I had thrown down my checkbook in frustration, and walked away from the table of neverending numbers.  How funny it is to think that just down the driveway and across the street, lying in a business envelope, was a welcome gift that will assist me.

Third, was a large white envelope with my best friend's familiar handwriting on it.  I knew that my Sizzlin' Summer Scavenger Hunt from thirty-one package had arrived!  I can't wait to go through the paperwork and see what adventures and surprises lie ahead as I tackle this scavenger hunt!

Finally, the most beloved parcel in the mailbox was an unexpected picture card from my mom. 

 Every daughter should be so lucky to have such loving parents.  My Mom is such a sweet and thoughtful one.  No matter where I have lived (and I've been at many different addresses over the last decade), she has made it a point to send me notes and cards to let me know I'm being thought of...with the craziness of life and business of it all, I've not done a good job of staying in touch but love receiving random notes/cards from Mom regardless of how poor of a job I've done at reciprocating that.

The picture card has already found a new home on the window sill above my new picture I painted at the Paint Party the other night!  What can I say...sometimes it's the little things that make me most happy! 

Motto of the Starfish!

Last night, during mass, Father shared a story about a girl walking along the shore who saw a boy picking up starfish and tossing them back into the ocean.  When she asked what he was doing, he said that he was trying to save the starfish and keep them from dying on the shore by tossing them back into the ocean.  She said, "But how can you possibly make a difference?  There are just too many starfish!"  He bent over, retrieved another starfish, then tossed it back in the ocean and said, "Well, it mattered to that one". 

Father used that story to try to illustrate how no matter how small we think we have to give, we can still make a difference just like the boy with the small number of loaves and fish we heard about in last night's Gospel.  Shouldn't we all try to embrace the idea that no matter how small our offering is, offer it up anyway!  Who knows what good is able to come out of a kind deed or action that we think is only impacting one or two people.  We might not know how far reaching our impact is but should still do it. 

I also enjoyed hearing the starfish analogy and was reminded yet again of our retreat since the starfish was the logo on our tshirts and a small charm on our new necklaces us girls bought as a way to remember our weekend!  I also had posted this picture on the first day of summer saying that I was going to fully enjoy living each day one day at a time this summer.  While I didn't meet all my goals I had set for this summer, I still feel that I made progress on projects for school and work while still being able to get in some quality time with family and friends.  Sure, there is always room for improvement, but overall, if we put forth the effort each day to make a difference in some way, no matter how small it may seem, we can help to make the world a better place!

TAKE THIS OFFERING Performed by Kim Kalman in the video here (start at 6 minutes for just the song)

I HEAR YOU CALLING FROM ANOTHER WORLD
DRAWING ME NEARER TO YOUR BLEEDING SIDE
WORDS YOU HAVE SPOKEN ARE COMPELLING ME
LEADING ME ON TO THE PLACE WHERE YOU DIED

DOWN ON MY KNEES I AM PRAYING
DEEP IN MY HEART I AM SAYING

(chorus)
TAKE THIS OFFERING MAY IT BE PLEASING TO YOU MY FATHER
TAKE THIS LIFE I LEAD A LIVING SACRIFICE
TAKE THIS OFFERING

LONGING TO FINALLY SEE YOU FACE TO FACE
GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON
THOUGH I AM FRAIL AND BROKEN I AM WHOLE
NO LONGER UNCERTAIN OF WHERE I BELONG

JESUS YOU GAVE YOUR ALL
AND NOW I MUST ANSWER THIS CALLING

(bridge)
ALL THAT I AM ALL I WILL BE
ALL THAT I HEAR AND I TOUCH AND I SEE
ALL THAT I LOVE ALL THAT I DREAM
ALL THAT I HAVE THIS IS MY OFFERING...

Be Not Afraid

This song has always been one of my favorites but even more so since coming down here to NC.  It's become my "NC Anthem" of sorts.  Ever since deciding to come down here to go back to school, literally, from the weekend that I first made the decision to accept UNCG's offer and to make the big move south, to days when I feel like I just won't get it all done and am stressing over the latest deadline, I hear this song when I most need it! 

Recently, I heard this song while on retreat at the beach.  Kim Kalman, the awesome Catholic singer/songwriter I've mentioned in other blog posts and shared videos of on Facebook, sang it during Communion at mass.  It took about all I had to keep the tears from flowing as Kim's beautiful guitar playing and voice filled Holy Redeember by the Sea Church.  Once again, another signal grace was oh so generously being poured down on us girls on retreat.

Just now, I searched on youtube for a video of this song to post here for your enjoyment but couldn't find a version I liked so will post the words for you below...this is one of those songs that really hits home for me and one in which I've experienced (almost) every single line.  I know that I won't soon forget experiencing this song on retreat...what a great way to end the four day experience!! 

1.
You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst.
You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way.
You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand.
You shall see the face of God and live.

R.
Be not afraid.
I go before you always.
Come follow me, and
I will give you rest.

2.
If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown.
If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed.
If you stand before the pow'r of hell and death is at your side, know that
I am with you through it all.

3.
Blessed are your poor, for the kingdom shall be theirs.
Blest are you that weep and mourn, for one day you shall laugh.
And if wicked men insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you!

Come away and rest a while...

Tonight, at mass, the gospel was about Jesus urging us to go on retreat and to come away and rest a while.  Father shared, during the homily, how important it is to take vacations and rejuvenate.  I found this laughable since earlier in the week, I had debated taking a day trip to Wrightsville Beach today but chose instead to remain in High Point so that I could work on some schoolwork. 


As much as I would have loved to be on a beach today, I'm glad that I remained at home since in the last 24 hours, I was able to complete a 4 hour teaching assistant training video, write a summary on the trainings, do the initial listen and transcription of an interview for a research project, and finalize the rough draft of my portfolio while trying to fix my printer (no luck there)!  After posting this blog, I'll get back to work and begin coding 65 pieces of data for a research project I'm working on with a professor in California.  My goal is to have at least 10 pieces of data analyzed before bedtime tonight.  Anyhow, I had to chuckle to myself as I sat in church tonight and listened to the gospel...specifically the part about Jesus retreating to a place for himself since these were the words on the Retreat Prayer Cards I had given the girls last weekend in Outer Banks!  (By the way, when leaving church, a car with a Wrightsville Beach tag was parked in front of us...hah!)

Speaking of the retreat last weekend, I had some other reflections on how much of a blessing that was meant to be the experience was for us.  The retreat originally had been scheduled for a different date but when one of the original girls who was planning it with me was unable to go, we switched it to the July 12th date to accommodate her schedule.  Unfortunately, for her, she was unable to go during this date, due to unforeseen circumstances, but I still went ahead with planning the retreat for that weekend.  I can't help but wonder if everything else would have lined up as well as it had if we had done the vacation on a different weekend...?  They do say that blessings come in disguises!! 

If you'll recall from the previous blog entry, we enjoyed the musical talents of Kim Kalman, the Catholic singer/songwriter who is based out of OBX after our dinner at Tale of the Whale in the gazebo behind the restaurant nestled in the bay.  When planning into the weekend, I had hoped that we would be able to enjoy Kim's music at church or one of her events.  I had also hoped we would be able to go to dinner at Tale of the Whale since it is one of my favorite restaurants in Outer Banks.  As luck/fate/Godincidence would have it, Kim happened to be performing at Tale of the Whale the Friday night we planned to dine there!

I just tried posting a video I took last week of Kim singing, "I'm Not Alone", but am having issues...maybe I can post the video on Facebook.  In the meantime, check out her website! 

Upon returning to High Point, I met with my priest.  While sharing with him the experiences we had on retreat, we learned that he knew the priest who presided over the Friday morning mass and who graciously performed Confession for us.  What a small world!!

Finally, this last signal grace is especially poignant for me.  When my twin and his wife miscarried for the second time, I began praying to St. Anthony of Padua for them.  Here is the prayer that is on the prayer card that I prayed for them and their desire to have a child:

After a few months of praying this special intention for them, Mark and Liz conceived and had a

beautiful healthy baby boy 11 unexpected days early....on the feast day of St. Anthony of Padua on

June 13th!! 

Thomas Mark weighed in at 6 lbs. 13 oz.  Love the play on numbers here!!!  About halfway through Mark and Liz's pregnancy, I spontaneously gave the St. Anthony prayer card to a friend who had recently miscarried.  I don't know why since my friends are not Catholic and probably don't believe in saints but I just felt compelled to share the prayer and prayer card with her.  Fast forward 4 months to when I was preparing for this retreat last weekend....I had asked each retreatant to share with me their favorite saints so that I could provide prayer cards on these special people in the individualized gift bags I presented to each retreatant on the last night of the retreat when we took in a sunset on the Dunes.  Try as I might, I was unable to locate a prayer card for St. Catherine Laboure in the stores in Delaware and North Carolina that I had shopped at so at the last minute, I opted to put my newly purchased (for myself) St. Anthony of Padua prayer card in my friend's gift bag.  When doing so, I had no idea that this particular friend is currently trying to conceive a baby....coincidence...??  I think not! 

Finally...this may be a stretch, but in thinking about my twin just now as I wrote of this past signal grace, a pair of boy/girl twins were baptized tonight!  :-)