Boys, Beer, Bubble Livin'

Last night, I did something I used to do a lot in my 20s....spent many hours in a couple bars.  It started out innocent enough with enjoying some cold beers with a couple girlfriends after participating in a 5K with them.  The theme of the 5K was the Retro Run..pics of that fun event to come in a later blog posting.

We were given a couple free glasses of beer and dinner for participating in the 5K, which was very welcome after running/walking in the rain.  So, there we were at a bar enjoying ourselves and the music when we made friends with a table full of guys and a couple girls.  Turns out the majority of them were brothers and sisters where some in their group had also participated in the run.  They were also older than I by a couple years, which is part of why it's a bit disappointing how it all went down so to speak.

Throughout the night, stories were told and laughs were shared but there was an undercurrent of sexual innuendo and inappropriate jokes that were told along with cuss words being dropped very frequently throughout the conversation.  I remember at one point thinking, "I feel like I'm in the guys' lockerroom" when the content of the jokes were a bit too extreme for my liking (not that I would know what a guys' lockerroom is like..ha!).

I can remember many nights like this back in the day when I would go along with the raucous behavior and inappropriate talk thinking, "Boys will be boys".  Maybe I've changed too much but it's not okay for me now.  Maybe I was expecting too much of these gentlemen since they were older and some were fathers themselves.  Other than poking fun at my being a "Yankee" due to talking so fast compared to the slower speaking Southerners, one of the guys just wouldn't leave it alone about the hearing aids and sign language piece once it came up that I know a small amount of sign language and wear hearing aids.  I was able to give it right back to him in terms of witty banter but at the same time, in the back of mind, I kept thinking, "What is it that makes guys think it's okay to talk this way and act this way in front of girls they just met?  And what is it in us girls that think it's okay to go along with it..?!" 

What has happened to manners and common respect in our society?  I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've "gone out" to the bars since moving down here and now I remember why.  Of course, other than the obvious reasons for not having a lot of time with school and church events, I think I would rather stay in my bubble and spend my time with men who treat women with respect.  You know choosing quality over quantity....I'm not trying to paint a negative picture of last night and even recall saying to my friend, "I think they would be great guys if we hung out with them one-on-one but put them all together and watch out (in terms of the dynamics and whatnot)" and 2 of the guys did apologize for the one's behavior throughout the night. 

It wasn't a horrible night but overall was slightly disappointing.  I know for some reading this, that may come off as sounding like a "prude" or as if I'm better than others but dear reader, please know that is not my intent and I certainly don't think I am above others and I like my fun.  However, I just kept thinking what kind of example is putting myself into that kind of situation (that I've done countless times before in my early 20s) setting for the girls of tomorrow, like my little niece?  What is it about us girls that makes us think it's okay to be in those situations of being ridiculed or just "going with things" to be the good little girls we're taught to be??  I think I'd rather be the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel and continue hanging out with my friends who are married or in relationships in Irish pubs or play trivia in the sports bars because at least in those situations, there is a level of respect there rather than the "meat market" atmosphere of guys scoping out the girls and making suggestive remarks.  Case in point, as the group was getting ready to go to the 3rd bar of the evening, and we were calling it a night, one of the guys pleaded, "C'mon, it'll be more fun than you've had in your life" while another said, "The fun involves a lot of alcohol and the morning pill" followed by laughter.  Seriously??!!  Plus, being told we're too beautiful to be single...when our hair is frizzy and we're in sweats b/c we had just run a 5k....doesn't quite strike me as being sincere...

I couldn't help but reflect on this quote as I drove home last night: 

“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” - Venerable Fulton J. Sheen

To me, it's not a religious thing...it's a respect thing. 

So guys, when you're out and about interacting with girls, try to think about your mothers, sisters, female friends, etc. and whether or not the language you're using and the things you're saying would be offensive or disrespectful to them...and maybe think twice about what you want to say to a new girl...of course this goes both ways..I know and have seen that there are girls who are disrespectful to guys.  I even brought this up as we walked back to our cars to the one guy..how would he feel if one of his 2 daughters were in a situation like we were where the guys were so cavalier with what was said/done tonight? 

I don't really consider myself old-fashioned but who knows...maybe I was just born into the wrong generation! 

Bridesmaids Ball 2012 !!!

Tonight, 16 friends and I had sooo much fun at the Bridesmaids Ball!  

The gals wore beautiful bridesmaids gowns or cocktail dresses while the guys looked very dapper in their suits.  

What a blast it was to see all the different styles and colors of the dresses!  From the Taylor Swift lookalikes to the flashbacks from the 80s, we had quite a visual feast of fashion for us to delight in as we danced and enjoyed each other's company!  

Can't wait to do it all again next year!!  Hmm...what will I wear????

"I don't take pictures of my sweets, I just eat 'em".  ;)

Stef had mini crowns for us to wear but Cait is the real princess for beating cancer!  Woohooo!!!

Two beautiful girls rocking the same style of dress!

Cait & Stef got the dancing started...

Cheese!!

New friendships were formed!

What a nice venue for the Bridesmaids Ball!

Look at that blue dress in the background....I think I saw it on Dallas or Knots Landing back in the day.  :)

Check out the socks!!!!

It wouldn't be a party without a Bon Jovi song!

J.O.Y.

 

"It's all joy - tell him it's all joy"

A friend of mine emailed this message to me from a friend of his. She was nervous sending this message to me through him, but I knew as soon as I read it that was she experienced must have been a message from Angela:

"I was at Mass last evening right after Communion, just meditating with my eyes closed - felt rather infused with light and heard this very beautiful laughter - very contagious, tinkling, joyous laughter - and a woman's voice said, "It's all joy - tell him it's all joy" - I don't know why, but I feel like it was Angela - please remember, I've never met this family - never encountered them at all before you very graciously shared their site. I wasn't even sure I was going to pass this on until I read her obituary this morning - the word joy kept popping out and I read about her infectious laugh - and that was the sound of this laugh that I heard."

- I believe without a doubt that Angela is filled with joy and was so overwhelmed with that thought last night as I looked through old photos. ~ This was the status on the Support Angela Faddis Facebook page the other night from Chris, Angela's husband. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After reading a blog posting from one of Angela's dear friends about her love of hot pink nail polish, several of us facebook friends decided to honor Angela's memory through this simple but sweet sentiment...by having our nails painted a bright pink color.  I'll never look at that shade of pink the same way again and will say a prayer for Angela and her family each time I see it!  I snapped the picture of my hot pink nails this afternoon as I took a break from my work day to say some prayers for Angela and her family in a peaceful and serene spot.  I couldn't help but smile as I watched my bright pink nails touch each bead of my small wooden decade and bump up against the St. Francis medal.  My prayer for this afternoon is to, "Help to make all of us a channel of Jesus' peace and to J.O.Y. = Just Open Yourself to trust in Jesus as this remarkable family has shown us!" ♥

When You Love Someone...

I posted this status on my Facebook page this morning before heading out for the day.  I had seen the quote on my friend's wall.


"If I could do the last decade over again, I'd say: waste far less time on boys until you're looking for a life partner, and then deliberately carve serious time from your already-thriving career to find and bond with a worthy gentleman. Be so clear about what you want that 95% of men run away, making it much easier to find those who want what you do." ~ Jennifer Dziura 

Ah, thinking back to all those boys...and all that wasted time. Take it from me...it's better to be
 single and happy than to be with someone who doesn't value you for what you're worth and not be happy. Good things come to those who wait and in God's time. ♥

Even with today being super busy with meetings, teaching, and going to class, I couldn't help but reflect on some of the men I've dated in the past.  From the Jewish math teacher to the firefighter to the atheist, (or was he agnostic?), to the elusive boy from college to the not quite divorced non date (!!) with the newly single young dad to the tattooed still living at home guy to the sportswriter in Pittsburgh to the banker to the cowboy to the super tall motorcycle riding twin to the party boy "player" and others, it's pretty safe to say that I've dated every type you could think of....and I'm okay with that.  It was through dating all these different kinds of men that I for sure now know what it is I hope to find in a true partner some day.  I've made more than my fair share of mistakes when it comes to love but through forgiveness have been blessed to experience some healing graces since returning to Confession in January 2007 after 5 years of not going.  
 










When I was going through an unexpected breakup with an ex-boyfriend, I remember my best friend's mother telling me to go home and be with my parents when she dropped my best friend off at my apartment 2 hours after the relationship ended (Ashley had broken her ankle at the time and couldn't drive).  I'll never forget the sight of her hobbling up the apartment steps crutches, black garbage bag of overnight belongings, Ravens purple cast and all just because I needed her.  When my "Mom in York" went to leave after dropping off Ashley, she urged me to go home the next night after my housewarming party. 

 

The next night, I followed the advice and went home.  While there, my Mom and I watched the
CMA Awards Show when this song came on...I haven't heard this song in 5 years but oh goodness, how I can remember the raw pain and uncontrollable tears that poured down my Mom's and my faces that November night but I can honestly say that I am so grateful for the experience now.  Having gone through such pain makes me realize that there is something better out there for me (and for him).  Ironically, I stumbled upon this song when trying to find, "When You Love Someone", by Bryan Adams from the Hope Floats movie, to go with the title of this blog posting.  It's funny how things turn out as the last person I expected to think about tonight was the boy from 2007!  However, along with thoughts of him, comes the reassurance that I was not the one for him...and that I have some awesome family & friends (and puppy) who will always be by my side even when I love someone like that. 

So, while at times, it may seem like there is a - .05% of guys available, I believe that if it's God's will, then in time, the one I'm meant for will find his way to me.  He just better keep up seeing as I've lived in 14 different places...soon to be 15 depending on where I find myself heading in Spring 2014!

It is Well

• Fr. Chris Davis' homily this morning was AWESOME.  

Hearing his message this morning made leaving the house at 6:30am after going to bed at 12:30am worth it!

• I've never heard someone talk about stewardship quite the way he did today.  I'm paraphrasing here but what he shared was, "Everyone has something they enjoy and do well.  Do what you do well and with reckless abandon.  Be like a child and do it over and over until you can't do it anymore...then get up and do it again!  Offer it up and if there isn't anywhere or anyplace where you can offer up your gifts, then create the outlet for it!"

I've been meditating on what Father said all day and see people doing things well all around me.  When I went to Sheetz after mass to put air in my back tires, I thought of how well someone worked to make those tires.  They carry my car and me safely to and from all the places I go...and believe me, there are many places!!  Just today, alone, I went to 8 different places!

• As I ate my breakfast in the parking lot of the Greensboro Montessori School, I focused on the school's motto of, "Engage.  Learn.  Grow".  What great words to live by huh?!  I thought of how well all those teachers are performing their jobs to meet the needs of their students and how well all the students do when they put forth their best effort and try their hardest at their studies!  And all those parents...how well they all work to provide the best they can for their kiddos. 

Later, as I did some work at Panera, I was appreciative of how hard the high school boy was working as he tidied up the drink area and offered to take away my dish.  Then, at Zumba, I couldn't help but marvel at how well my instructor, Whitney, not only teaches the class, but handles herself when faced with challenges. 

• Driving home on this sunny September Sunday, with the windows rolled down and Kim Kalman's music blaring on my radio, I couldn't help but think of how all of these people, both strangers and those who are near and dear to me, and how they are doing their one thing (or more) well, it makes me want to do better and to keep on pushing myself!!  Look at how well God made this beautiful planet on which we live...don't we owe it to ourselves to make every day we're here count through offering our talents and gifts?!  Angela Faddis is certainly an example of living life well & facing dying with a surreal grace.  May many blessings fall on her husband and her two children she left behind two days ago. 

To Angela and others, thanks for the inspiration!  Whitney is doing it through her terrific zumba.  Sheresa is doing it through keeping me on track with dissertation writing.  Margo, Lynne, & Dr. Compton are doing it by keeping me sane & providing tons and tons of support, probably more than should be allowed..ha!  Alisha, Brian, Mark, & Liz are doing it through being amazing mommies & daddies to my cherished niece & nephews.  Patrick is doing it by well, just being himself.  ;)  Ashley is doing it by always replying to my random text messages and being there in a pinch with a word (or five!) of support and encouragement.  Meredith does it well by helping me with research stuff....my parents do it well by listening, even if they don't quite understand why I might be upset or what it is exactly that I'm doing...if I were to sit here and list how everyone were doing their one thing well....well, I'd be here all day so I'll have to cut it off here.  

 My point is, find your one thing and go out there and do it with reckless abandon.  Find your passion.  Go after it with all you've got as we are not promised tomorrow but only have today!

Today is the feast day of Padre Pio, a saint I

admire very much.  He's been quoted as saying, "Prayer is the best weapon we have; it is the key to God's heart. You must speak to Jesus not only with your lips, but with your heart. In fact on certain occasions you should only speak to Him with your heart." - St. Padre Pio so if we pray well, we do well don't you think?!  

 He also has said this, "Pray, hope, & don't worry..." which again reminds me of what Fr. Chris said about being like a child.  Children don't worry and almost operate without a sense of fear when they are doing what they do...so let's all try a little harder to be more like the children this week.  What is it that you do well???

“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~ Brene Brown

I just listened to these 2 talks at the suggestion of one of my committee members.  I highly recommend you take the chance to listen to these (they will take less than an hour to listen to with being 20 minutes long each...)..

While listening to the first talk, I realized that my whole journey from Pennsylvania to North Carolina is both literally and figuratively representative of me "leaning into the discomfort and being vulnerable...."

 

 

I don't think you could call me a "breakdown babe" but to truly be seen, you can't hide behind the shame or thoughts of not being worthy enough.  If you aren't, then keep the nose to the grindstone and keep on keepin' on...make up for your weaknesses by cultivating your strengths. 

 

I used to be afraid to fail before coming down here.  I admit that I tended to take on tasks or assignments I felt that I would do well.  If I wasn't able to follow through on something, I would simply sign on to do it.  That was part of why I struggled with the decision to leave my job and go back to school.  I had a pretty good thing going, if I say so myself, job-wise and grad school-wise, at home.  Everything was comfortable and tidy in my old life.

 

Fast forward two years ahead and I can't help but stand and look at all that has happened in my life in awe.  Slowly but surely, things are a lot messier but I've pushed beyond the warm and fuzzy boundaries to the hard and jagged discomforting arenas.  However, I'm learning that if I mess up or need help or simply don't succeed, I won't curl up in a ball and die of shame.  Admittedly, I know I need to work on not subscribing to the belief of:  "Do it all, do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat".

 

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

                                                                                                                           Theodore Roosevelt

"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

 

 

After posting this, I logged into my school email.  One of the faculty members I work for had sent me this article..to my fellow doc student and PhD friends...check out this quick read!  

Make me a channel of your peace

Even though I was sidelined with an icky cold this past weekend, I still continued to do schoolwork.  Yesterday, was a whirlwind of a day in which I babysat at the Methodist church I work at most Sundays before doing some errands.  One of which involved getting a new Pandora clip for my beloved bracelet from my best friends back home to keep any future disasters from happening to it.  I will have to share that story another day..you'd be amazed at all this shiny silver bracelet has been through since receiving it in early March.  Anyhow, once I came back home, I plowed through the sneezing, coughing, and running nose to work on four different research projects.  I'm so glad that I have today, Labor Day, off from school and work so that I can do my own work for a class I'm taking.  While most others are planning cook-outs or lazy days at the pool, I'm sitting here on my couch with Dusty Shamrock trying to figure out a good research question for a single subject research project.  I have lots of ideas but need to focus on just one.  I also need to get back into my habit of writing a little bit each day for my pre-dissertation literature review and IRB paperwork.  I was thrown off track last week with traveling to PA and returning to NC and jumping right into a super busy week.  Each time I start to think about the lit review and IRB and how far behind I am, I begin to feel panic.  I need mentally calm myself down and peacefully think day by day....of what I need to focus on so that I can do the best I can right here in this moment.

Soooo, in thinking about these four research projects that I worked on yesterday, I just realized something!  The conferences at which proposals were submitted for presenting these projects and sharing the data all take place in what I have dubbed heavenly cities.  What do you mean, you ask?  Well, allow me to share with you the locations of these conferences....Santa Fe (which means "holy faith"), San Antonio, and San Francisco!!  Minneapolis is also on the list but it means "city of lakes" so that doesn't fall into the category of heavenly city does it?!  Unless I think of how happy I feel when sitting by a body of water and how being by the ocean or a beautiful pond sends waves of calm and peacefulness over me..hmm...

San Antonio, TX, is named for Saint Anthony of Padua...a saint I have had special recent connections with (you can read more about those connections here).  San Francisco, of course is thought to be named after my favorite saint I've had since I was a little girl, St. Francis of Assisi.

However, I just discovered that Saint Francis, one of my all time favorite saints, is the patron saint of Santa Fe.  As if I weren't already excited enough about going there, I'm even more so now!!!  I hope to be able to steal away from the conference to visit the Loretto Chapel and perhaps stroll through the Hotel St. Francis while I'm there.  My friend, Marissa, who lives not far from Santa Fe, has already promised that she'll send me information on  the "must-sees" of the city so I can't wait to go explore and enjoy this adventure.  I have a feeling that Santa Fe, NM will be added to my list of favorite cities after February 2013! 



I first laid eyes on this particular statue of St. Francis in western NC in a small church gift shop on my way to Texas in Summer 2011.  I debated buying it that afternoon and am glad that I didn't since it would have been in my trunk...and would have been smashed to pieces when my car was rear ended and totaled in Alabama a few short hours later...then the next month, while on retreat at my old church in York, PA, I saw this same statue in the window of one of the church offices.  I knew then and there that I needed this statue so I ordered it from a catalog a friend in NC suggested.  It's amazing how this simple plaster statue invokes all these feelings that range from excitement of the upcoming road trip in western NC, to fear/sadness/gratitude in Alabama, to peace and happiness on the Feast Day of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel when I saw the statue again in York, to calm and hope here in the bonus room as I work long and late hours to chase my dreams.