So, last night, I gave up out of sheer feelings of being overwhelmed and went to bed at 11:30pm. I suppose one of the last things I thought of as I tried to quiet down my mind was how I was going to church in the morning for the holy day of obligation, before work. Perhaps that's why in my dream, I was in St. Ambrose Catholic Church??? This is the church my family and I attended most often throughout elementary, middle, and high school. I completed CCD there when I left the Catholic school in 6th grade and went to the big, bad public school in 7th grade. Due to going there for CCD in 8th grade, I made friends with kids at other local high schools and we would always say hi to one another at various football and basketball games throughout high school when we were cheering or playing. Looking back, it almost seems like my social life then was a preview of the social life I have now in that I have friends/acquaintances from quiet an array of different interests and values & all walks of life. Everyone is unique in his and her own way and we all have strengths, perspectives, and insights to bring to the table.
What struck me about my dream were two things:
1.) There were 3 larger than life murals on the walls (something that St. Ambrose Church definitely doesn't have). They looked familiar to me, in my dream, but I can't, for the life of me, place where I might have seen these murals. What were the 3 murals of you ask? Well, they were similar to the Stations of the Cross, in that mural 1 showed Jesus carrying the Cross, mural 2 showed him falling, and mural 3 showed him getting back up again to continue his journey carrying the Cross. As I sit here and type this post, I'm struck with the irony of it all. I need to take up my crosses more joyfully. We are all given hardships and sufferings. We need to unite them and offer them up to God don't you think??! Yes, while right now in my tunnel vision, all that needs done in such a short period of time feels like such an enormous load, I know that with a lot of hard work, good use of my time, and sheer perseverence, it will get done....hopefully by deadlines, but regardless, the goals will be met!
2.) I was with a mysterious man. This reappearing friendly stranger frequents my dreams every so often and I never know who he is. All I know in the dream, is that we're together (boyfriend, husband, good friend??) and doing something together (in last night's dream, going to mass...at St. Ambrose in Schuylkill Haven, PA...why, I have no idea!) but it's odd because I can never see his face. You know how in some dreams, you have an aerial view where you're looking down on the scene that's unfolding before you, including yourself, as if you were watching it on a movie screen or it were an out of body experience? Well, whenever I have a dream with the mystery man, I am always viewing the dream from my own eyes and never outside looking in so only get one viewing angle. Not sure if that makes sense but that's the best way I can describe it right now. Anyhow, I always feel a sense of peace and calm when mystery man appears but it doesn't happen often enough that I go to sleep wondering if he's going to appear that night so it's always a pleasant surprise when he appears!
Fast forward to 7am this morning, as I woke to prepare for mass and get ready for work. I also felt a sense of peace. Call it getting a good night's sleep, call it an answer to prayers, say it's because things always seem better in the morning light...call it whatever you will, but I am more calm about the stress. Yes, I'm still super stressed/worried/anxious about getting it all done and plan on making a very thorough list/timeline later today of how I'm going to tackle each project and am going to create a writing schedule to keep myself on track for the literature review writing, but I also know that I will get through this...I just have to shoulder up that ol' cross and keep on haulin' on....thank you for listening to my ramblings & hopefully you don't think I'm too crazy! ;) For those of you who believe in prayer/positive thoughts/anything, please keep them a comin'!
