Boys, Beer, Bubble Livin'

Last night, I did something I used to do a lot in my 20s....spent many hours in a couple bars.  It started out innocent enough with enjoying some cold beers with a couple girlfriends after participating in a 5K with them.  The theme of the 5K was the Retro Run..pics of that fun event to come in a later blog posting.

We were given a couple free glasses of beer and dinner for participating in the 5K, which was very welcome after running/walking in the rain.  So, there we were at a bar enjoying ourselves and the music when we made friends with a table full of guys and a couple girls.  Turns out the majority of them were brothers and sisters where some in their group had also participated in the run.  They were also older than I by a couple years, which is part of why it's a bit disappointing how it all went down so to speak.

Throughout the night, stories were told and laughs were shared but there was an undercurrent of sexual innuendo and inappropriate jokes that were told along with cuss words being dropped very frequently throughout the conversation.  I remember at one point thinking, "I feel like I'm in the guys' lockerroom" when the content of the jokes were a bit too extreme for my liking (not that I would know what a guys' lockerroom is like..ha!).

I can remember many nights like this back in the day when I would go along with the raucous behavior and inappropriate talk thinking, "Boys will be boys".  Maybe I've changed too much but it's not okay for me now.  Maybe I was expecting too much of these gentlemen since they were older and some were fathers themselves.  Other than poking fun at my being a "Yankee" due to talking so fast compared to the slower speaking Southerners, one of the guys just wouldn't leave it alone about the hearing aids and sign language piece once it came up that I know a small amount of sign language and wear hearing aids.  I was able to give it right back to him in terms of witty banter but at the same time, in the back of mind, I kept thinking, "What is it that makes guys think it's okay to talk this way and act this way in front of girls they just met?  And what is it in us girls that think it's okay to go along with it..?!" 

What has happened to manners and common respect in our society?  I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've "gone out" to the bars since moving down here and now I remember why.  Of course, other than the obvious reasons for not having a lot of time with school and church events, I think I would rather stay in my bubble and spend my time with men who treat women with respect.  You know choosing quality over quantity....I'm not trying to paint a negative picture of last night and even recall saying to my friend, "I think they would be great guys if we hung out with them one-on-one but put them all together and watch out (in terms of the dynamics and whatnot)" and 2 of the guys did apologize for the one's behavior throughout the night. 

It wasn't a horrible night but overall was slightly disappointing.  I know for some reading this, that may come off as sounding like a "prude" or as if I'm better than others but dear reader, please know that is not my intent and I certainly don't think I am above others and I like my fun.  However, I just kept thinking what kind of example is putting myself into that kind of situation (that I've done countless times before in my early 20s) setting for the girls of tomorrow, like my little niece?  What is it about us girls that makes us think it's okay to be in those situations of being ridiculed or just "going with things" to be the good little girls we're taught to be??  I think I'd rather be the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel and continue hanging out with my friends who are married or in relationships in Irish pubs or play trivia in the sports bars because at least in those situations, there is a level of respect there rather than the "meat market" atmosphere of guys scoping out the girls and making suggestive remarks.  Case in point, as the group was getting ready to go to the 3rd bar of the evening, and we were calling it a night, one of the guys pleaded, "C'mon, it'll be more fun than you've had in your life" while another said, "The fun involves a lot of alcohol and the morning pill" followed by laughter.  Seriously??!!  Plus, being told we're too beautiful to be single...when our hair is frizzy and we're in sweats b/c we had just run a 5k....doesn't quite strike me as being sincere...

I couldn't help but reflect on this quote as I drove home last night: 

“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” - Venerable Fulton J. Sheen

To me, it's not a religious thing...it's a respect thing. 

So guys, when you're out and about interacting with girls, try to think about your mothers, sisters, female friends, etc. and whether or not the language you're using and the things you're saying would be offensive or disrespectful to them...and maybe think twice about what you want to say to a new girl...of course this goes both ways..I know and have seen that there are girls who are disrespectful to guys.  I even brought this up as we walked back to our cars to the one guy..how would he feel if one of his 2 daughters were in a situation like we were where the guys were so cavalier with what was said/done tonight? 

I don't really consider myself old-fashioned but who knows...maybe I was just born into the wrong generation!