For the first time since January 2010, I am currently riding
a train!The last, and only, time I had
done this was when a group of us rode from Lancaster, PA to NYC to celebrate my
former roommate’s birthday in the Big Apple.What a fun trip that had been and oh how I miss making memories with my
best friends from college (and others)!!
Enjoying dinner at a Peruvian restaurant our first night in NYC!
Ironically, this birthday trip for Ash occurred just days after I had submitted my paperwork for acceptance to the PhD program as well as the
Fellowship I applied for…I clearly recall sitting in the train car and chatting
with Matt and Monika about the possibility of moving to NC that summer to go
back to school and how surreal a move like that happening seemed at the time.
In some ways, that ride, and conversation, feel like they occurred forever
ago.
Life is so different now from how it was then.I can’t help but wonder what other changes
and circumstances I will face in the future as life continues to evolve.Today, I am on my way to Washington, DC to
co-present at a national conference within my professional field and to catch
up with colleagues from around the country.Margo is sitting somewhere on this train as she got on it two stops
after I did.It’s funny we’re
both heading to the same place but aren’t sitting in the same car.Prior to picking up Margo, my big
brother had dropped me off at the quaint train station located in the heart of
historical downtown High Point.He even
sat with me for about ten minutes before the train arrived..literally walking me to my train car on the platform…I’m so lucky to have
had my big brother with me for this portion of my life’s journey.I can 100% say that had it not been for the generous
and selfless support of my NC family over the last almost 4 years, I would never had made it...from putting a roof over my head, allowing me to bring my pup to live with them, and providing feedback/advice on homework, projects, and just life in general.If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have even
taken the first step and broken out of my comfort zone back home in PA and come
South so Brian, Alisha, and their children played a crucial role in my life since the summer of 2010 as well as supported me as I reached one of my lifelong goals/dreams.
And oh what crazy unforeseen events resulted from placing
myself in NC back in August 2010!!Yesterday I interviewed
with a school in South Carolina.On
Tuesday I fly to Ohio for 24 hours then finally make
my way to California less than a week later (yippee!!!!) … Gosh, a few minutes ago, I received an email
inviting me for a follow up interview in SC.Goodness gracious, when it rains it pours….I guess it’s a good thing I
love to travel!
This afternoon, upon reading this beautiful blog posting a friend had shared this afternoon, I reflected on how we all have something we're chasing or dealing with in our lives; a cross we are bearing if you will.
Some are trying to help others in their lives whether it be through searching for resources, trying to accomplish all the details within their jobs, or caring for aging parents.
Others are dealing with the harsh winter weather as they yet again shovel themselves out from feet of snow and others who are grieving the loss of loved ones or facing illness.
Still other folks are battling depression/loneliness and facing anxiety of not knowing where they next paycheck will come from as they work to support their families.
As I read the words about other women being able to have children but the author, for whatever reason, is unable to have her own nor adopt, I could feel the pain she faced. Even though I, personally, am not in that scenario, I could empathize with the author and recall the countless friends/relatives who struggled with infertility over the years. Yet I also know from witnessing firsthand, the incredible joy that came their way after they conceived and bore their children, sometimes years after trying to conceive so I pray for those of you out there in this situation to not lose hope!
In addition to thinking of Garth Brooks' song, Unanswered Prayers, as I read this beautiful blog posting, I couldn't help but make the analogy that we all have something we desire in our lives;
a job,
a relationship,
a better relationship with others,
support,
stability,
happiness,
....and the list goes on....
There have been many nights I have pondered why I wasn't given what I most desired or why there were so many bumps in the road when it appeared others seemed to have whatever/whomever they wanted without so much as lifting a finger and those nights still come but I have faith that all will work out as it should. The author of the posting reminded me of an important lesson today. It does not matter. We all have our own stories....and plans.
God's plan that is. We need to stopcomparing ourselves to others and remember to ask ourselves as the author of the posting stated, "What does it matter to me and to follow Jesus" anyway.
So, as I write these words tonight, I'm taken back to this new song I heard the other afternoon on the radio. It comes to us from Francesca Batistelli and is called, "Write Your Story". May we all have the courage to act on our faith, whatever that might mean for you, and rest assured that God is writing our story even if the days are dark and grim right now. Pax!
Jeremiah 29:11 ~ "Fear not, for I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future".
Last week was filled with snow, surprises, & smiles. It started on Monday night when the package I sent to Adam arrived earlier than expected so we wound up opening our "treats" to each other four days earlier which was fine with me because why should folks save kindness and surprises for just one day? Personally, I would rather celebrate every day or randomly rather than only doing these sorts of things on February 14th. Having worked in retail for many years, including Hallmark, too many times for my liking we had to create displays and push products waaaaay before the actual holiday. I'm talking Christmas ornaments in July, prepping the story for Valentine's Day a week after Christmas, and decorating for Halloween right after school started in August. Sounds crazy I know but that's how it was in the business. I admit, as a planner, I'm guilty of looking ahead rather than living in the moment at times but hopefully I have gotten better at this during my time down here in the South. Case in point, as much as I'm looking forward to graduation in 82 days, I have NO clue where I will be heading the next day so might as well embrace the present and take each day as it comes right? Anyhow, last night, at mass, I was reassured to hear not one but TWO of my favorite songs back to back halfway through the service. First, during the Offertory, we heard, "Make Me a Channel of Your Peace" which is a song based on the teachings of St. Francis of Assisi followed by "Be Not Afraid" during Communion. I was surprised to hear the beginning strains of "Be Not Afraid" since it had not been listed on the board of page numbers at the front of the church. I had been expecting a completely different song but was glad to hear this familiar tune at that moment; especially since I have two job interviews in the next couple weeks. I am so thankful for this "Godincidence" as the comforting lyrics of the two songs (particularly the second one) were much needed and are helping me as I start these next few weeks and think ahead of the packing and prepping I need to do for the upcoming business trips.
So, back to last Monday night---I could barely contain my giddy excitement when Adam told me he received his surprise package and suggested he open it right then and there. He said he would do so only if I opened my mini bag of Lucky Charms and eat them as he opened his box. The Lucky Charms had been sent to me as a gag gift, or so I thought, several days earlier in response to my dissertation defense. Since I had incorporated rainbows into my presentation, and snacks I served, Adam had jokingly said I should buy Lucky Charms and pull out all the rainbow marshmallows to serve to my committee. So, when he sent me the mini bag of Lucky Charms the other week, I thought it was his way of sending me an edible laugh. The little pink note on the bag saying to wait until Valentine's Day to eat the treat was a cute finishing touch. So, on Monday night when talking with Adam and after having eaten dinner with my family just moments before, I said I was too full and there was no way I could eat one more thing. I thought it strange how insistent he was that I eat this yummy cereal so late at night on a full belly. Finally, I relented thinking I would eat a few bites as I sipped my wine that was left over from dinner because I really wanted him to open his box. Yes, I still struggle with patience sometimes. ;) So, I slowly tore the corner of the Lucky Charms bag and was surprised (and confused) when I saw a small bag resting on top of the charm and marshmallow cereal. My first thought was how did this get in the cereal package since the bag had been sealed? I didn't see Adam beaming on the screen of my laptop watching as I tried to connect the dots. I didn't notice the tiny slit on the bag that had been concealed by a small pink origami bow he had strategically placed there. I didn't realize until I opened the small green bag that it contained a beautiful new charm that was for my bracelet! What a beautiful charm it was! Adam had selected the claddagh remembering the Irish ring given to me by my parents a few years ago that I wear and that he "turned around" last month. If you're not familiar with the story of the claddagh ring, you can read it below (taken from Wikipedia):
The Claddagh's distinctive design features two hands clasping a heart, and usually surmounted by a crown. The elements of this symbol are often said to correspond to the qualities of love (the heart), friendship (the hands), and loyalty (the crown). Claddagh rings, with (more commonly than not) or without the crown, are relatively popular among the Irish and those of Irish heritage, such as Irish Americans, as culture symbols and/or as symbols of engagement, marriage, or love. Claddagh rings are often used as friendship rings but are most commonly used as engagement/wedding rings. Mothers also give these rings to daughters when they come of age. When the hands that hold the heart are angled towards the girl, that means she is taken, when the heart faces out, the girl is single. This has become common largely due to the sentimental motto: "This is my heart which I give to you crowned with my love." Also associated with the ring is this wish: "Let love and friendship reign." In Ireland, the United States, and other places, the Claddagh is handed down mother-to-eldest daughter or grandmother-to-granddaughter. According to Irish author Colin Murphy, the way in which a Claddagh ring was worn with the intention of conveying the wearer's relationship status:
On the right hand with the point of the heart toward the fingertips, the wearer is single and may be looking for love. (This is most commonly the case when a young woman has first received the ring from a relative, unless she is already engaged.)
On the right hand with the point of the heart toward the wrist, the wearer is in a relationship. (This suggests that the wearer's heart has been "captured".)
On the left hand with the point of the heart toward the fingertips, the wearer is engaged.
On the left hand with the point of the heart toward the wrist, the wearer is married.
My bracelet has been rapidly expanding as of late thanks to the generous gifts of what I'm calling the "dissertation charm" from my little brother and the wine lovers charm from a dear friend in PA.
I love looking at this bracelet and recalling the memories associated with each charm from my best friends from college (and my 2nd Mom) giving me the initial charms and bracelet itself to the charms I have picked up along the way on travels for work over the years.
These are the most recently added charms that have come from Delaware, Gettysburg (PA), California, and Hanover (PA).
Don't worry, even though we celebrated earlier this week, I did receive a Valentine later on in the week courtesy of my sweet niece, Mason, and from other family members. Even better, my parents were here this past weekend!! <3
Earlier this week, I made the following posting on Facebook: Love...
It makes the world go round. Feeling extra thankful for early
Valentines today. How about we all do one random act of kindness each
day this week to spread the love? You never know who could be needing
it!
Unfortunately, with being snowbound for half the week, I wasn't able to do too many random acts of kindness outside the house. I shouldn't complain though...for we have sunshine and rapidly melting snow while back home, people are dealing with massive pile-up car accidents on the Turnpike, mountains of snow from previous storms with more coming this weekend, and up to 22 inches of snow where I used to live!!! Yowza!!!
I hope no matter where you are, you were able to do something kind for someone and spread the love...better yet, let's continue doing that tomorrow and the next day and the next day....!
How sweet it would be! Almost as sweet as my little pup who was my Valentine as I worked on schoolwork allllll day.
I can't forget about my other Valentine though. He made the heart above so I thought I would make a virtual valentine for him. If you want to make your own, go to www.studio.stupeflix.com where you can create one "free" video. While working on this fun project, I had flashbacks to Myspace in creating this musical montage...yes, this is so 2007 but who cares?! Happy Valentine's Day!!
Is it because one of my best reports I've ever written was a 6th grade paper on castles complete with drawings and a glossary I had created defining all the nooks and crannies you would find in one of these neat structures? Nah.
Yes, I currently live with a six year old girl who loves all things princess-y but I don't think that's the reason why either.
However, I did babysit my niece and nephews today and in doing so, we built this castle after breakfast.
The three older children excitedly assembled the castle by pushing the sugar cookie walls together using the purple icing.
Voila!
Afterwards, the baby was tuckered out....nibbling on a sugar cookie is hard work I suppose! ;)
So why all the castle thoughts as of late? They say if you build a castle in the air or sky, you're chasing an incredibly impossible hard to reach dream. Perhaps my mind keeps returning to this expression as I seek the kind of employment I think I would be well suited for rather than just taking any job for after graduation 3 months from today.
Oh my gosh, in three short months, life as I have known it for the last 4 years will change yet again!!!
I've applied to universities in five different states so far and while I have a couple "top picks" in terms of where I might want to go, I'm keeping an open mind in trying to discern where it is God needs me to be rather than where I want to go. Some may say some of the places I have applied to are impossible or would be difficult to transition to but I'm going to keep aiming for that castle in the sky. Besides, I would imagine the view is pretty good from up there.
Or maybe I've had castles on the brain since I'll be going to California soon and have been reflecting on previous trips to CA as I prepare for this one. The first time I was out West, my aunt, a family friend, and I went to a castle winery in Napa called, Castello di Amorosa. It was a beautiful winery nestled among the rolling hills with majestic views of the mountains and vineyards, was quite romantic, and of course served yummy wine.
When I saw this courtyard at the winery, I couldn't help but think of Beauty and the Beast and imagine them dancing out here under the stars and string lights!!
I remember joking with Aunt Maureen and Laura that I had found my knight in shining armor while there. ; )
On second thought, it could be due to driving by a nearby castle and when I do I think of a recent afternoon when Adam and I swung by and pretended to be royalty for a minute. Ha!
Yeah, I'm going to keep chasing the dreams no matter the obstacles. Who knows, maybe someday there will be two castles in the sky. Why not?!
This line of thinking also has me thinking about New Year's Resolutions...we're 1 month and 9 days into 2014 and some folks may have already fallen off the resolution bandwagon. If you find yourself in that situation, as do I, let's get back up and start trying again tomorrow. Keep going after those desires in your heart and don't give up...onward and upward my friends to your castles in the sky!
This past weekend was the Super Bowl. However, do you remember last year's Super Bowl? The one where the Ravens won? Yeah, that one was better than this past weekend's game where the Broncos didn't appear to be present....?!
Hanging out at M & T Stadium back in 2007
As you'll see from the pictures in this post, I enjoy rooting for the Ravens (you can thank my former roommate for that; we even had a Ravens room in the house!) and enjoy the Super Bowl festivities more so for the commercials, entertainment, and of course snacks. However, since my second year in the PhD program, the Super Bowl has taken on new meaning for me.
When: Super Bowl Sunday 2012 Where: Library at UNCG Who: My colleague, Margo, and me What: Drowning in the stacks, we were in the beginning stages of our historical analysis of a 40 year review of published articles of a prominent deaf education journal when I had an epiphany in realizing that hardly any identity articles were published from 1970 to 2012 in this particular journal. This revelation played a large role in my arriving at my dissertation topic and shifting gears from learned helplessness and self advocacy to perceptions of identity. I immediately got to work on charting the course for dissertation completion and threw myself into the literature review that following fall semester.
Ravens Spring Training Festival ~ on the field back in 2009
When: Super Bowl Sunday 2013 Where: A friend's house during her Super Bowl Party (Goooo Ravens!) Who: My colleague, Margo, texted me halfway through the game saying something along the lines of, "Happy 1 Year of Dissertation Topic Day!" What: Having completed drafts of Chapters 1 and 2, I was about to embark on Chapter 3 and was preparing for my pilot study during my upcoming Spring Break in early March. IRBs were being filled out, recruiting was happening, and trying to blend two different research designs together (which I later learned was a HUGE no-no) was being attempted.
Super Bowl Party 2013 when the Ravens won!
When: Super Bowl Sunday 2014 Where: My brother's house Who: Me, myself, and I
Supporting Baltimore during my first December in Greensboro my fist year in the PhD program
What: I continued searching for jobs to apply for since I had started doing that the day before on Saturday, February 1st. When all was said and done, I had applied to a total of five places from October 2013 through February 2014 so fingers crossed I will be called to where I'm to be as I move forward with this journey called life. I don't know where that is just yet or what the plan is but I have faith all will turn out as it should. Last night as these thoughts were churning through my mind, when parking my car in a restaurant parking lot, I glanced out the passenger window to see a HUGE anchor in a storefront window. This anchor went from the sidewalk clear up to the roof of the store so when I say it was huge, it was. At that very moment, my friend, Lisa, sent me some beautiful texts that put me at ease. The irony was not lost on me as I had sent Lisa a pair of anchor earrings this past summer and I had to giggle at God's timing due to anchors symbolizing faith. Lisa has been a huge inspiration of faith and is one of those friends who just "gets" me without my having to really explain myself. Seeing this huge anchor in the window just before I received some encouraging words from a cherished friend helped to calm my worries. I do have a mustard seed and I'm not afraid to use it!
I wonder where and with whom I'll be on Super Bowl Sunday 2015! I have some guesses but I suppose only time will tell based on jobs and, of course, God's plans!
After having lost the first copy I ordered of this book, I ordered another one online. It is Well by Christopher Faddis documents the journey of his wife, Angela, battling and succumbing to cancer.
I first learned of this couple, via Facebook, through mutual church friends shortly after her diagnosis. A fundraiser page had been set up that later turned into an update page. I remember being surprised at seeing such a young wife and mother being diagnosed with stage IV cancer and how sad I felt for the family who lived a half hour down the highway from my family and me in Winston-Salem. When I stared following their story via Fb they moved to Arizona shortly after which is where the couple had met and first started their married life.
Over the next several months, I continued to follow the updates and pray for this family even though I did not know them personally although we had mutual friends in common, both here in NC and in AZ (then come to find out later in MD). The way they, and especially Angela, handled this trial struck a chord in me. Their faith in spite of such a grim prognosis was inspiring and I kept hoping a miracle would occur but alas, Angela passed away in September 2012. I have blogged (directly and indirectly) about Angela several times throughout those 17 months. A search of her name on this blog will pull up those previous postings if you're curious and would like to read them.
Adam and I had started reading this book a last month. It was a bit surreal to read the words that I had read on the Facebook updates and to be transported back to 2011/2012 when I spent so much time praying for the family. After misplacing the book, I could not wait to get the second copy so we could pick up with where we had left off in the new book. The book arrived in the mail yesterday so we continued reading last night. We ended up reading many more pages we expected to read due to the gripping and compelling story. We have one chapter left to read and I'm a bit sad to think we will be at the end of this book so soon.
However, last night when reading the next to last chapter, I almost fell off the couch when I saw these words in the text:
SURRENDER WITH JOY
On September 7th, I got a call from an old friend, Tom Booth. Tom is a Catholic musician who writes beautiful and prayerful music for the liturgy and prayer. Angela and I had seen Tom and his band only weeks before her diagnosis in Greensboro, NC. In fact, Angela would say that seeing Tom in concert and praying with him was in her eyes a preparation for what was to come. "It was like a mini-retreat to get me ready," she would share. Tom was coming to town from Tucson and was going to be near my house leading a women's retreat. He wanted to know if he could come see Angela.
First of all, the heading reminded me of this post I had made a few days after Angela had died. Then, as I read the words that followed, I couldn't believe that I had been at the same church concert Chris writes of here. The Tom Booth concert at St. Paul's on April 3, 2011 had been the first official Young Adults activity the newly formed IHM YA group had attended.
When we had our
picture taken with Tom after the concert, he joked that he
was also a member of the Young Adults group with just a few years
added. Then, a few years later, in February 2013, as I sat in the beautiful Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis in
downtown Santa Fe, NM, I was pleasantly surprised to hear one of Tom Booth's songs being sung during the mass. As I sat in that pew reading the words to Tom Booth's song on the page
before me, I had thought back to the awesome mass held at St. Paul's where
Tom sang, spoke, and performed. I remember marveling at how neat it was to be able to make a
connection between NC and NM! Now, yet again, I'm making another connection as I read this book with a boy from CA. This couple who had enjoyed the impromptu visit with Tom Booth in AZ had also been in the very same church as I back on April 3rd just weeks before she was diagnosed. The video (and one of my favorite Tom Booth songs that he happened to sing as the Meditation Song after Communion during the church concert) from his visit with Angela is shown at the end of this posting.
How incredible it is for me to think that I sat in the same church listening to the same words and music as this couple I prayed for in 2011/2012 simply because I followed their story on Fb and we had mutual friends. What a small small small world it is. It makes you wonder how many of us cross paths with folks we may again encounter in the future? Would we all treat each other with more compassion and kindness? Or would we continue in the same manner as we had been? Think of what a world it would be if we all unplugged from our technology, looked outside our bubbles, tore down our walls, and shared with others we are HERE and standing by their sides? I can imagine that kind of world...can you?
I was reminded that I need to Just Open Yourself and surrender to God's will for your life. Who knows what He has in store for you? That is the take away message I have from last night's readings and as I reflected on the words just before falling asleep. I should not be anxious and worry about jobs or where I will live after graduation for God will provide and will show me where I'm needed as my dear friend, Marci, reminded me. Let us all try to embrace Angela's positive outlook and belief in God's provisions for our lives a little bit more.
