Awakening

Being a parent is hard. There are times when I wonder if I am doing enough or if I am doing the right thing.

Tonight, Charlotte awoke me at 2:30am saying she had an accident. Groggily rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I made my way out of the bed to go to the restroom with her. In the bright bathroom, I noticed her beautiful peaches and cream complexion was a light tan color. As I looked closer, I thought maybe she had gotten into her new paints from the day before and asked Charlotte what did she do? She buried her face in her hands.

I went back into the bedroom and noticed my makeup bag was 3/4 of the way empty. Scanning the room, I found this under the bed.

My heart sank as I realized what this spunky independent creative imaginative four year old had done. Makeup I had barely worn since the first week of March was smeared on the floor, sheets, blanket, and let's not forget - - herself!

Angrily I stormed back into the restroom scolding Charlotte for what she had done. She was remorseful asking if she had to wait before going to bed while I cleaned up the mess scrubbing off the residue and traces of foundation from her little arms and hands and the floor, rug, and Minnie Mouse.

It wasn't until we were back in bed, close to 3am, when I faced Charlotte tired blue eyes to tired blue eyes. She always says we match and are twins because we both have "the same bright blue eyes, Mommy!" but tonight she couldn't bring herself to have her beautiful baby blues look back at my questioning eyes.

"Why did you do that, Charlotte Annie?"


"Why did you get into Mommy's makeup?"

A tiny voice peeped out from under the baby blanket made by her Great Aunt Marie - -

"I wanted to be beautiful."






Oh my goodness gracious, y'all. My heart broke a little as I looked into the face of this sunshiney vibrant at once outgoing and at times shy sweetheart miracle of her Dad's and mine and what she said registered with me.

Yes, parenting can be difficult with second guessing decisions or standing firm in what is best for your family while others judge or think things should be different but it can also be so rewarding when we see her make good choices or watch as she learns a new skill or listen to one of her detailed (made up) stories full of rich detail.

We only get one life to live and in Adam's and my case, one shot at this parenting gig, so in instances like tonight, hearing my little four year old express her desire to be beautiful reminds me even more so of the importance of teaching her life lessons like to always say, "please" & "thank you", to treat others the way you want to be treated, that chocolate and peanut butter are the best combination (no, really it is), & that beauty is not what is on the outside but rather lies in the kind of person you are on the inside...as a girl mom especially, body image and living in reality amidst a photoshopped highlight reel of only the best moments being showcased on social media will most likely be topics that will come up as Charlotte grows older. I will do all I can to help her recognize the gift she is as she is, to discover her feminine genius by virtue of living authentically, and understand the beauty of being female through a Theology of the Body lens and Catholic worldview.

Tonight's awakening was a reminder of the challenge, and privilege, of helping to form and nurture a beautiful soul I have been entrusted with and that it is never too early to have conversations with my daughter about self worth and dignity. I hope she will come to see makeup as an outlet or creative means to show herself to the world (Jamberry or ColorStreet date, anyone?) rather than something to hide behind...maybe I am reading too much into it and she is *only* four but the sooner this precious girl can recognize beauty comes from within, and believe in her worth, the better. I am reminded of a saying about love here :

If you say my eyes are beautiful, it is because they are looking at you.

Sweet daughter of mine, if only you could see yourself the way I see you.

Let this be a reminder for us all! God, our Father, looks at us with just as much, if not more, love and tenderness as His children. How it must pain Him so to see us damaging or covering up the bodies He gave us or not living our authentic selves. He fashioned us limb by limb and knew our innermost thoughts and features while still in our mothers' wombs (Jeremiah 1:5). Let us accept and see our true self worth and use the gifts and beauty of our lives He gave us to do good for the Lord.