Embracing the Training

Tonight's second reading from Hebrews was this:

Brothers and sisters,
You have forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as children:
"My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord
or lose heart when reproved by him;
for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines;
he scourges every son he acknowledges."
Endure your trials as "discipline";
God treats you as sons.
For what "son" is there whom his father does not discipline?
At the time,
all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain,
yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who are trained by it.

So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees.
Make straight paths for your feet,
that what is lame may not be disjointed but healed.

Hearing that passage in church tonight had me thinking of the times my parents disciplined my brothers and me over the years for our own good even if we couldn't see it.  I remember, at the time, thinking the grounding was unfair or being embarrassed that I was not allowed to drive the family van as a punishment and would need to be picked up by my Dad at a school event.  As an adult, looking back, I can see that my poor adolescent behavior earned these consequences but in the moment back then I couldn't see past the unfairness or anger on my end. 

Hearing the words this evening:

Endure your trials as "discipline".....At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain,
yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it

have a different meaning when looking at current life circumstances and they are helping me to see again that all things work for the good of the Lord and serve as a reminder to have faith that all works in God's timing.  We later heard in the Gospel about how will God recognize us by our actions?  If we were to come face to face with one another, would God be much like an old friend or more of a stranger?  This leads to the question:  how well are we living our faith?  Adam and I went to our first couples' night at a mentor couple's home in a nearby town tonight.  Amidst the prayer and discussion, three points were highlighted:

1.)  Are we authentically living our faith?
2.)  Are we intimate with God?
3.)  Are we living in a magnamious way?

One of the wives said she was reminded of her wedding vows and likened those promises to a spouse also to the promises to God. 

Do we put God first or does He come second, third, or further down the list?  Is He even on the list?!

This line of thinking reminded me of one of the most profound pieces of advice a friend shared at our Ohio baby shower last January.  She said, "Put God first, then your relationship with your spouse, followed by your child".  I remember being struck by that order and thinking, "Wow, the baby will most likely come first, at least in the beginning, because he or she will be SO dependent on us!" and it's sometimes easier to love a human person who is right in front of you or put forth the remaining energy you have into your spouse rather than working on a relationship that can, at times, feel one-sided.  I have found over the last several months, as I try to keep it all together, that my spirituality might not be as strong as it once was or should be.  After a day of tending to Charlotte, errands, chores, trying to keep the household going, being there for Adam, taking care of the pups, then falling into bed....and trying to say a rosary but then falling asleep in mid-prayer....I have been finding that I might not be spending as much time in prayer as I could.  Sure, I pray throughout the day and try to have conversations with God all throughout the ins and outs of each day but do I take the time to really listen???  I no longer have my set weekly Adoration Hour or listen to praise and worship music on a regular basis so I find that I need to be more intentional in my time with the Lord.  I need to really find the time and try to devote my 100% attention to Him during that time...the end all and be all!  The one who makes all things possible.  The one who gifted me with this generous life including our miracle baby!!  One way of trying to improve in this area has been over the last couple weeks, I have been subbing for folks and covering their Adoration Hour at two nearby chapels which has helped.  I am hoping that as schedules shift and recalibrate in the upcoming weeks, with my return to work, that I can try to spend more time in prayer and silence with God that will also help me to more authentically live the faith.  I look forward to being back on campus and around faith-centered individuals and will continue to strive to live a more magnamious life both in and outside the home.  I want to be an authentic model of Christian living, engaging in charitable works, acts of sacrifice, and striving to grow closer and closer to the Lord for Charlotte and also my students.

I can start by embracing the current (what I perceive to be) trials all the more and realizing that God is still working on me.  He is still chiseling away at what the finished masterpiece will be that I may never get to see.  Regardless, I will keep walking this path, no matter how narrow or wide it may be, and keep moving working to serve the Lord as best I can and embracing the discipline rather than complaining or trying to shirk from it.  Hopefully, one day, the Lord will recognize me and know me should he knock at my door and realize that all is done for His glory as I seek to embrace the challenges all the more.  Hopefully through drawing closer to God, the source of everything, I can also be a better wife and better mother as all blessings flow from Him.  Yes, then sings my soul (as we heard sung twice tonight - my grandfather's favorite song by the way)...Truly, How Great Thou Art!!