Almost Got It Right

I admire you for being open to this change in direction.

God’s plans are not always our own.

It’s inspiring to see you embrace this change even though it is not what you expected or envisioned for yourself.

This afternoon, as I talked on the phone with a dear friend who was trying to be more accepting/willing of an unexpected turn in her life in the way of jobs, I heard myself saying the above statements (or some variation of them).  This friend was struggling with deciding whether or not to accept a teaching position drastically different from what she had set out to find on her job hunt and sought my advice.

Prior to becoming a teacher, a college student in a teacher prep program will complete a series of student teaching placements in which the student is able to teach under the watchful eyes of a cooperating teacher who serves as a mentor.  This is when the student teacher is able to put into practice all that he or she has learned in the four (or more) years of schooling completed in the teacher prep program.  This intensive apprenticeship like setting that occurs in the final semester of the teacher prep program usually follows a sort of pre student teaching or field experience in which shadowing, observing, and trials of teaching of mini lessons are able to take place.  It was during one of these pre teaching experiences that I was placed at a school for the deaf in Pittsburgh nearly 15 years ago.  

I learned so much during this time in the classroom, not to mention brushed up on my signing skills and teaching spoken language skills, and grew in my enthusiasm and excitement for teaching especially when interacting with my larger than life cooperating teacher from that particular placement.  Her name was Fawne and today is her birthday.  On my birthday back in 2011, the first birthday that was spent in North Carolina, Fawne died.  For those of us who remember her, we hope to carry on her legacy and touch students’ lives the same way she did.  I will never forget what I learned from her, both in and outside the classroom, that semester I was blessed to be a part of her corner of the world.  So, when I logged into Facebook today and was reminded it was her birthday in my newsfeed, I found myself scrolling through the memories and well wishes others had posted on her timeline.  One that stood out for me was from one of Fawne’s friends who appeared to have an only child, a daughter, with her husband thus continuing my summer of seeing families of three comprised of a daughter seemingly everywhere.  The pictures of just mother and daughter smiling at me from the computer screen as well as the family of three photos from a recent vacation that peppered this woman’s Facebook page sparked something in me.  It was obvious by looking at these photos how close the family was as the joy radiated from their faces much like how Fawne’s exuberant beautiful face did.  In that instant, I felt hope and excitement for Charlotte’s, Adam’s, and my future.  I hope and pray that we three will have a close bond as a family and individually and look forward to the future trips we will take, the adventures we will go on, the learning that will occur, and even the simple times we will enjoy on “stay-cations” wherever home happens to be at that moment. 

I had to sit back as the irony of thinking of vacations today occurred after working on Charlotte’s travel journal just last night.  I had snapped this photo last night when telling my little brother that Charlotte has visited 1/5 of the country already at a mere 5 months of age. 

I also took this photo on my way home from Zumba this morning when stopped at a red light behind this vehicle. Family really is everything...whether it be a furry family, a family of one with memories of loved ones, a family you create for yourself made up of friends, or a humongous family with relatives coming out of the woodwork for days.  Family is everything for sure.

A dad, a mom, a girl, and two pets.  The sticker almost got it right as we have two dogs and not two cats.  Ha!

Tonight as I ponder all these feelings and reflect on a life gone too soon and how fortunate I am to still be here...how beyond blessed Adam and I are to be Charlotte's parents and most of all what an honor and treasure Charlotte is in our lives.  I am so moved and beyond grateful for this chance to love her and watch her as she blossoms before our eyes.  What a true miracle and gift that so many others are not able to experience for one reason or another and I'm so reminded of the magnitude and importance of embracing every moment even if it is so different from what you thought it would be…the messy...the sad...the scary....the ugly....but oh the glorious beauty too..I once again am reminded of the words I uttered this afternoon.  

I admire you for being open to this change in direction.

God’s plans are not always our own.

It’s inspiring to see you embrace this change even though it is not what you expected or envisioned for yourself.

I almost got it right.  I'm giving advice urging others to accept God's will and to be open to other avenues but am not quite following that advice myself as I'm still stuck in the grieving and wishing for what I can't have cycle so am not quite getting it right just yet.  I need to heed my own words.  Not my will but your will Oh Lord!!  As I close out this posting, I'm reminded of a song from one of the singers in the country band, Lady Antebellum.  Hillary Scott recently released this song, "Thy Will", with her family in her solo debut.  Having gone through a miscarriage last fall, she penned this song amidst the grief and pain.  I can't even begin to relate to what a mother and father go through when suffering a miscarriage but the lyrics certainly hit home as I attempt to work my way through this secondary infertility business.  I'm inserting the video below in which Hillary is seen unraveling knots in a thick rope which reminds me of Mary, Undoer of Knots.  Adam and I prayed this special novena together in the days leading up to our wedding finishing the last prayer after our rehearsal dinner before saying goodnight until seeing one another at the altar the next day.  What an exciting time that was...so full of potential and wonder at our future and family.  Yes, we were going into this new life together with eyes wide open and knew there would be hardships however this current knot is so much bigger than I ever expected to face especially this early in our marriage.  You know what though?  God is bigger than any knot and I have to believe good will come out of the current pain and grief.  I hope this song brings, for anyone who may need it, a bit of small comfort as it did me tonight.  Pax.