Labor of Love

Well, here it is....almost Labor Day Weekend, which always signifies the end of summer for me and I feel like I accomplished most of my goals on the hot pink calendar I created of my "to-do" list for this past summer.   

Well, upon closer inspection of this calendar, I fell miserably short of the Lit Review, IRBs, and the Portfolio Paper but regardless....I feel like tonight, as I put the finishing touches on my portfolio, that I did accomplish quite a LOT in spite of many time constraints, travel, and working multiple jobs this past summer.

My committee sure has a lot of reading to do in anticipation of my portfolio review meeting in a few short weeks!

I've heard this before..but it's worth repeating here...

 

"A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."

 

 

 

 

Rain, rain, work, work, go away! ;)

"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." ~ Lucy Maud Montgomery

As I worked on schoolwork this rainy afternoon, the above quote was listed as the quote of the day in my school email.  Upon reading Lucy Maud Montgomery, I recalled the hours & hours I would spend reading one of my favorite books on rainy Sunday afternoons, just like this one, back in 8th grade.  I loved this book so much that I did my English project on it and can still see the pictures I drew of the characters in my mind. 

I miss the days of reading for pleasure and getting lost in a book.  That is one of the many things I can't wait to do once I graduate!  What are some of your favorite stories?  Someday I hope to have a library in my home where I can fill the shelves with treasured books!

Peaceful Dreams

 So, last night, I gave up out of sheer feelings of being overwhelmed and went to bed at 11:30pm.  I suppose one of the last things I thought of as I tried to quiet down my mind was how I was going to church in the morning for the holy day of obligation, before work.  Perhaps that's why in my dream, I was in St. Ambrose Catholic Church???  This is the church my family and I attended most often throughout elementary, middle, and high school.  I completed CCD there when I left the Catholic school in 6th grade and went to the big, bad public school in 7th grade.  Due to going there for CCD in 8th grade, I made friends with kids at other local high schools and we would always say hi to one another at various football and basketball games throughout high school when we were cheering or playing.  Looking back, it almost seems like my social life then was a preview of the social life I have now in that I have friends/acquaintances from quiet an array of different interests and values & all walks of life.  Everyone is unique in his and her own way and we all have strengths, perspectives, and insights to bring to the table.

What struck me about my dream were two things:  

1.)  There were 3 larger than life murals on the walls (something that St. Ambrose Church definitely doesn't have).  They looked familiar to me, in my dream, but I can't, for the life of me, place where I might have seen these murals.  What were the 3 murals of you ask?  Well, they were similar to the Stations of the Cross, in that mural 1 showed Jesus carrying the Cross, mural 2 showed him falling, and mural 3 showed him getting back up again to continue his journey carrying the Cross.  As I sit here and type this post, I'm struck with the irony of it all.  I need to take up my crosses more joyfully.  We are all given hardships and sufferings.  We need to unite them and offer them up to God don't you think??!  Yes, while right now in my tunnel vision, all that needs done in such a short period of time feels like such an enormous load, I know that with a lot of hard work, good use of my time, and sheer perseverence, it will get done....hopefully by deadlines, but regardless, the goals will be met!

2.)  I was with a mysterious man.  This reappearing friendly stranger frequents my dreams every so often and I never know who he is.  All I know in the dream, is that we're together (boyfriend, husband, good friend??) and doing something together (in last night's dream, going to mass...at St. Ambrose in Schuylkill Haven, PA...why, I have no idea!) but it's odd because I can never see his face.  You know how in some dreams, you have an aerial view where you're looking down on the scene that's unfolding before you, including yourself, as if you were watching it on a movie screen or it were an out of body experience?  Well, whenever I have a dream with the mystery man, I am always viewing the dream from my own eyes and never outside looking in so only get one viewing angle.  Not sure if that makes sense but that's the best way I can describe it right now.  Anyhow, I always feel a sense of peace and calm when mystery man appears but it doesn't happen often enough that I go to sleep wondering if he's going to appear that night so it's always a pleasant surprise when he appears! 

Fast forward to 7am this morning, as I woke to prepare for mass and get ready for work.  I also felt a sense of peace.  Call it getting a good night's sleep, call it an answer to prayers, say it's because things always seem better in the morning light...call it whatever you will, but I am more calm about the stress.  Yes, I'm still super stressed/worried/anxious about getting it all done and plan on making a very thorough list/timeline later today of how I'm going to tackle each project and am going to create a writing schedule to keep myself on track for the literature review writing, but I also know that I will get through this...I just have to shoulder up that ol' cross and keep on haulin' on....thank you for listening to my ramblings & hopefully you don't think I'm too crazy!  ;)  For those of you who believe in prayer/positive thoughts/anything, please keep them a comin'!  

2 days in....isn't it too soon to feel THIS overwhelmed?!

How is all this going to get done in less than 4 months??????!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Write a manuscript about the math study I helped with last year.

Continue with the parent mentor support project in California, start writing a manuscript, get ready for a conference presentation (hopefully).

Continue with itinerant project, start writing a manuscript, prepare for a couple conference presentations (hopefully).

Prepare for ASL study conference presentation.

Start a reading study in September.

Start revising a history project for a manuscript.

Finish up another manuscript that has been ongoing over the last 2 years.

TEACH a college course twice a week and do all the work that goes with that.

ATTEND a class (as a student) immediately after teaching and do all the work with that class.

And oh yeah.....write a literature review for my dissertation........and an IRB for the pilot/dissertation study I want to do in the spring/summer. 

I need to go move to a cave where I can just stay in there and not come out until all this work is done...!  And say no to doing anything NOT school related b/c the schoolwork really is all consuming....  : /  Even if I do need those Zumba classes or church young adult events to keep my sanity.....I'm curious.  What do you do to keep yourself on track and/or relieve stress? 

Last Day of Summer!!!

Today is the last day of summer. 

So far, by noon, I've done the following in an effort to prepare for the new school year:  slept in past 8am (!!!), greeted my family (they returned from Alabama in the middle of the night), got my work notebook/bag ready, created my 2012/2013 school calendar, tried not to freak out about how much is going to need to be done this fall, organized my piles on the floor (never ending task...right now there are only 5 so more and more projects are getting completed...woohoo!), and am currently listening to a 4 hour training video series on improving your writing process.  Do you also think it's ironic that I'm listening to this series instead of actually working on my literature review???  That pile is the 6th pile and the largest of them all!!  After posting this blog, I will go through and start organizing the material I have in my Lit Review pile.

Bring it on Fall 2012 semester!  I hope all my education friends have a great start to the school year!!!

Here are the 4 part writing videos....I highly recommend it to those of us who are in writing groups/collaborating with others...I'm halfway through but this guy is really funny and honest about the writing process..! 



Music does a soul good!

Today has been a good day for music.  This morning, I enjoyed dancing to the tunes of "Sexy and I Know It", "Footloose", and "Bring It On Home To Me" at Zumba...what diversity in music and how FUN!!!

Then, tonight, at mass, we concluded by singing one of my favorite hymns.  I had included this song on the CD I made of songs for the ride home that I created for the retreatants so of course I thought back to our awesome retreat experience as I emerged from the little chapel into the soggy parking lot.  I sure enjoyed the beach weather during the retreat more than today's dreary rainy weather but at least, was able to get a lot of reading done today!  

Here's a clip of a cute little girl singing part of the song but see below for a full version performed by Daniel O'Donnell (an Irish artist).

 

It's all relative....literally!

I came across this paragraph as I did some research for the California project I am currently working on tonight...



Parents desire the medical community to know this about having a child who is deaf/hh (deaf/hard of hearing):

• “I want you to know that my child who is deaf is the greatest gift I have ever received.”

• “The impact of hearing loss is real, yet it is not hopeless.”
• “We as a family are stronger because of this journey.”
• “My child is. . .an honor student. . .. a soccer player. . .. a college graduate. . .a champion swimmer. . .an actress. . .. a viola player. . .”
• Parents desire respect for the expertise they have about their child, for what knowledge they’ve acquired about deafness and hearing loss, and for the choices they have made.

You know you're a doctoral student nerd when you get excited over reading these statements and wonder if you're going to come across the same type of data when you do your dissertation in (hopefully) 9 months.  Hehe.  Reading these quotes also makes me thankful for the umpteenth millionth time for my parents and all their hard work they did with me to help me be the person I am today!  (My guess is they would most relate to bullet # 4..haha!)  I commend all you parents out there who keep at it day in and day out no matter the challenges/struggles you face, with and without special needs!! 


If you want to read the article in its entirety, here's the citation for it.  :)

DesGeorges, J.  (2003).  Family perceptions of early hearing, detection, and intervention systems:  Listening to and learning from families.  Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities Research Reviews,9, 89-93.

Timing is Everything



I bought this bookmark from a cute store I found not far from my little brother's house in Dover, Delaware.  It was the beginning of summer (early May) when I bought it.  I have kept it on my desk all summer as I worked on various projects and schoolwork.  I find it inspiring and hopeful and hope it does the same for you when you read these words!

I also had a revelation last night as I returned to High Point from Morehead City/Atlantic Beach.  It was a 4 hour drive so there was a lot of time for self reflection/prayer.  I had just spent 1.5 days with a former student and his parents from York.  They kindly invited me to their beach home in NC.  It was surreal to be there again since the last time I had been there was in August 2009 right before my last babysitting week.  Then, I knew that I would see them in a few short weeks since school would be starting up at the end of the month in York.  This time, I couldn't say when I would see them again since I most likely won't be going home for the holidays this year. 

I'm heading to PA for the last time until ??? in 2 weeks.  I will be back up there for part of my Fall Break but it will be such a rushed trip and spent on the road heading to and from Baltimore.  I will drive up one day, go to a show (an awesome one at that) on the second day, then return to NC the third day since it will be smack in the middle of my semester and I know I will be swamped with work/research/prep for the class I'm teaching.  Soooo this weekend that I'm going to PA in 2 weeks is my last chance to just truly enjoy being with family and hopefully some friends.  The downside to having friends all over the state is that by the time I get up to PA from NC, it's difficult to make the rounds and see everyone in various cities/locations across the best state ever due to time constraints, logistics, and coordinating of schedules.  I had to laugh yesterday as I drove 4 hours back to High Point from the beach, my Dad was driving back to Frackville from Delaware, Mark (from Philly) was in Myrtle Beach for vacation, and Brian was heading to Alabama this morning.  In the space of 24 hours, my immediate family was spaced out over SC, DE, NC, and AL.  No wonder the love of seeing important people in my life in locations near and far is in my blood!  For those who have gone out of their way to visit and come to me during the few times I'm home and/or in NC during these years, I'll be forever grateful.  It's those little moments and knowing that they're willing to see me in spite of coordinating and distances, that sustain me during the sometimes lonely times down here in the "South". 

Another thought I had last night as I made the trip back to High Point, was that a year from now, I could potentially be going on job interviews and preparing for the next chapter in my story.  Yes, I'll hopefully be wrapping up my dissertation study and writing the actual dissertation at this point next summer, but I could very well be interviewing all across the country for where my next job will be.  While, I would ideally LOVE to return to PA, realistically, I will have to go where the job is.  I admit that the thought of packing and moving to somehwere totally new, while exciting, is a bit daunting since I do want to so badly return home, or within a 3 hour radius of the tri-state area.  ;)  I just can't imagine how disappointing it would be to only return home once a year or so, rather than a couple times a year as I'm able to currently manage to do should I move even further away, like to Montana or California, for example.  There is no use in worrying about it now and this should make me even more appreciative of the fleeting moments I have with loved ones at home than I am now! 

I will try to 100% trust in His timing, rely on His promises, wait for His answers, believe in His miracles, rejoice in His goodness, and relax in His presence as the bookmark states by "Coming near to God and He will come near to you" ~ James 4:8.  These words are helpful to hone in on and ponder...especially when I may experience disappointments at things not happening when I would like for them to (i.e., getting together with treasured friends/family members, dating someone I am interested in, wrapping up a project, etc.) as everything DOES happen for a reason, even if I can't understand the logic or dislike the feelings that accompany said event. 

If nothing else, I do have one little guy in my corner who always wants to be and is, usually with me....my little furball Dusty Shamrock!  =)

Love what my friend made for me!

Falling into Fall

This image seems to sum up my thoughts at the moment.  I am frantically trying to get last minute things done for the start of the semester as the Literature Review and IRB paperwork I so desperately wanted to start this summer continue to not get started, let alone done....other things are simply taking priority at the moment.  However, I am trying to consciously not worry about it and do what I can with the time I'm given. 

Along the same lines, here is the response I sent my YoPa Mom.  ;) 

Thank you for the comment on my blog!!! And for reminding me to read a previous post I had made on here again.  

Mulling over what you said has made me realize that this whole experience, for better or for worse, has definitely been teaching me a lot of lessons. I think I'm learning that I shouldn't take on so much, that less than 100% is ok (still working on that one), and to try to let go of some of the control I strive to hang on to (HUGE struggle there) even though I never thought of myself as being such a control person (ha!). Having your support means everything!!! 

As my advisor also said this past week, life's too short to worry and faith IS more positive than worry.  So here's to embracing more of the faith rather than the worry as we fade out of summer and dive into the fall!

Five summers of babysitting...!

When I was living in Pennsylvania, I would come down to North Carolina every other week during the summers when I was off from teaching, to babysit my niece and nephews.  It was my summer job and I did my tutoring and homebound visit teaching at home during the weeks I wasn't babysitting.  My friends thought I was nuts for driving to and from NC every week but I loved being with my NC fam and getting to know them up close and personal.  It was also supplemental income since I still got paid for my teaching job and other part time jobs in PA.  Those babysitting summers helped me to pay off my Master's degree and my car (RIP Saturn Ion!!).

Now, it's a necessity due to being a "poor college student" again and not having the teacher income I was used to from when I lived in PA.  I still love my niece and nephews to pieces but it is definitely a different set of stressors than when I was traveling back and forth from PA.  There is a sense of urgency in that I have so many other projects/schoolwork/things to do hanging over me when I go off the clock but I hope that the children will some day look back on these summers and smile from the memories we've made.

The first summer it was just Mason Noelle, followed by Clark Brien the next two summers.  Then, during the third summer, thanks to my brother and sister-in-law's extreme and gracious generosity, I moved down here so that was a bit of a transition to say the least.  Last summer saw the addition of Braden Brien and this summer was even more different with a tremendous amount of other responsibilities on my shoulders in addition to caring for my adorable niece and nephews. 

With this week being the final week of babysitting for this summer, since I return to full-time work in (gulp!) 9 days, I need to get our annual summer photo taken before I go off duty on Tuesday night!



Mason and I were excited to joing Alisha for a girls' day of shopping this summer afternoon.  Alisha gave me this photo in a frame as an end of the summer thank you gift.  It is one of my favorite pictures and I can't wait to display the frame again some day when I'm back in my own place. 

Clark, Mason, Alisha, and I had a wonderful time at Olde Salem in Winston-Salem on this day.  I currently display this photo in one of the coolest gifts I've received.  Summer 2009's thank you gift was a beautiful glass vase photo holder that i have light purple orchid flowers and blue and green glass balls in as a backdrop behind this photo.  Old Salem is one of my favorite places here, in NC, and what's even more special is that Alisha gave me a unique handcrafted village of ten of the buildings there that I love displaying in my hutch and will do again when my furniture is out of storage!  This was also taken 6 months before I learned of the opportunity to start working on the doctorate now and not 20 some years from now after I retired from teaching.  Never in a million years, would I have dreamt that the following summer I would be moving down here during my every other week trips!!!!! Amazing how life works.

This photo was taken during my last weekend of babysitting in 2010 just days before starting at UNCG.  We had left mass one Saturday night when I realized that I hadn't taken the annual summer photo yet! 

What a summer this was with having one year of the doc program under my belt, supervising and teaching online student teaching seminars, getting started on portfolio artifacts, and helping with the 3 babies all at the same time...!

Glass half empty or half full??

This morning, as I got ready to go to school, I was asked why I'm going there when it's summer and "I'm done".  I mulled over that misperception as I drove to UNCG and thought about all that I had done this summer but began to stress over all that I still have yet to get done....and also thought about how badly needed a support system is in order to get through this unique life circumstance (for me anyway).  

For as often as I wish I could call my parents and vent, there isn't enough time to do so and I would be on the phone with them for 3 days at a time if I were to try to unload everything on them.  There have been a few times I've tried sharing some of what I do (i.e., classwork, research projects, manuscript topics, etc.) with others, but when they begin to get that glazed look in their eyes, you know it's time to stop talking and it's taking time away from the work I need to be doing anyhow.  Even while taking the 20 minutes out of my day to type this blog, which I'm finding is a stress-reliever, I'm thinking how I should be working on an email to my advisor and should get back to working on the syllabus for the class I'm teaching this fall.  

My poor sister-in-law often gets stuck hearing about certain aspects of a project or my day if we happen to see each other late at night as we're passing through the kitchen on our way to bed.  When my little brother comes to visit, he often has to spend at least an hour of listening to me as I fill him in on the latest events.  My best friend gets an occasional email when I'm about to explode so she usually hears the end result of something.  It's funny to look back over the last 2 years and think of the different people who have entered and exited my life and have served as sounding boards and provided advice..where there has been no one particular individual, different friends and family members have served roles in aiding me in this process.  

When reflecting, I sometimes think that it would be nice to have one constant person to be the confidant in whom I'd share all the daily stressors and stories with but perhaps the reason there is not one right now is because I need to pull that from within me and focus on just pulling myself through it by my own bootstraps!  School/work are getting my 100% attention right now and as my close friends and family would probably tell you, that affects all other aspects of life in that I can't be 100% committed/engaged in other things without always having the looming projects/schoolwork in the background.  This has been a hard realization for me to come to since I'm an all or nothing type of gal and in the past have always put 100% of my everything into what ever it was that I was doing.  That might not be the healthiest way of doing something but it had always worked for me in the past.  It's been a HUGE adjustment to go from being meticulous and thorough in one thing to being spread out over multiple projects and just barely getting it all done...It's also why it still shocks me when people say things like, "Oh, you're on summer break and can relax now", "You aren't doing anything right now anyway since classes have ended", or "You finished that project so you're done with the work now"... 

Thank goodness for my peers who are going through some of the same so we can all relate to one another.  It makes me think of the show on MTV way back when..."You think you know, but you have no idea"...and I also can't wait for the next step when I've completed this part of my life and am on to the next phase of my career where difficult as it may seem to imagine, I might look back on this time in my life and say, "Wow, to think I thought I was busy then..!" 

When I sit down and put in black and white just what I've done and still have to do this summer, all 1.5 weeks remaining of it, I start to get anxious.  However, each day brings with it a new opportunity to do more and do better.  I just have to take it all one day at a time!!

DONE

*  Rough draft of my portfolio for Fall 2012 (just because the rough draft is done....this does not mean all the artifacts will be passed.  I'm sure that I will need to make revisions and resubmit portions of the portfolio.

*  Worked a summer job and babysat.

STILL NEED TO DO

- Prepare for the class I'm teaching this fall.

- Lit Review / IRB paperwork

- Dissertation and Pilot Study prep work

The last 2 are crucial if I'm going to stick to my timeline of graduating in 4 years...!!

IN PROGRESS

Ø  NLCSD manuscript

Ø  ASL study focus groups manuscript  

Ø  ASL study presentation at DEC conference in Minneapolis, MN in October 2012  

Ø  Itinerant study (submitted proposal to CEC in April 2013 in San Antonio, TX and working on manuscript)

Ø  Parent Mentor Support Network (California) project ,submitted proposal to AERA in April 2013 in San Francisco, CA, and working on a manuscript in Fall 2012

Ø  Early Numeracy Skills Builder study (submitted proposal to CEC in April 2013 in San Antonio, TX)

Ø  Starting a Reading study in Fall 2012

Ø  Possible journal analysis project of The Volta Review in Fall 2012

 

Ø  Manuscript Review in Fall 2012

What it all boils down to is there just is not enough time in the day!!!  Eeek!