Mental Prisons

This past weekend, I had the honor of participating in a prayer chain for a retreat that was happening in Alabama within prison ministry.  Those who know me know that this is an area that is meaningful and close to my heart due to my Aunt Maureen's involvement in this much needed, and often forgotten, line of work. 

No, I did not go to Alabama this past weekend.  I stayed right here in NC.  Thanks to new friendships and relationships that were formed through attending the NCSC in Philadelphia literally one month ago to the day, I was invited to join the prayer chain for a Kairos retreat happening in Alabama in which individuals all across the world signed up for half hour time slots to keep the prisoners, those who work in prison ministry, and the retreat volunteers covered in prayer.  As luck would have it, our Young Adults (YA) group already had our monthly Adoration/Dinner Out event scheduled for this past Friday evening.  So, a few of us signed up for the same time slot that coincided with Adoration after we had dinner with our favorite priest.

 

We were given the names of the prisoners so we could pray for them by name.

 

The last time I had journaled was during Dr. Gary Chapman's talk at the beginning of October at a pregnancy center fundraiser.  His words that night were appropriate this past Friday night as well as I pondered over prisons we all face at times, both physically and mentally...

As I sat in that chapel on Friday night, I couldn't help but reflect on how some of us live our lives still in prison.  Sometimes we get so bogged down by our past actions, sins, and despair, that we are held captive within a vicious cycle of self loathing and unforgiveness.  Some of us are held prisoner by our jobs, current circumstances, and others in their lives.  We may walk this Earth with our physical freedom but are mentally in prisons.  This whole weekend, I kept thinking of what my friend, Deb, said a few years ago, "Don't live your life on pause.  Go live it now!"  Those are some wise words...but hard to actually carry out at times.  Even though I had signed up for the Friday 7:30pm time slot of prayer for the prison ministry retreat, the "men in white" and all those in spiritual combat/prisons were not far from my mind all weekend.  As I relished in the time spent with my parents who were in town for the weekend and making Halloween treats with the kiddos, I couldn't help but think of families torn apart by crime, past actions, and unforgiveness.  What a privilege it is to have cherished time with loved ones and to be able to get in my car and go to dinner with strong faith-filled friends or to the park to take in this gorgeous fall morning with my pup.  If only we could all open our eyes and see God's beauty all around us and look at one another with love rather than hate, what a different world it would be. 

Last night at dinner with new friends from church, we shared what we were thankful for before breaking bread.  Before it was my turn, I thought of all the things I could say...I'm grateful for mentors at work/school, for my NC family for taking in not only me but my dog, for my parents for their steadfast love/support, for being THISCLOSE to finishing...for second chances....for redemption.....for LIFE.  Yet when it was my turn to talk, I surprised myself by saying I was thankful for the lows and dark times.  Perhaps it was my subconscious trying to embrace the despair and darkness I'm currently experiencing.  So often, it is easy to be thankful and praise God in times of joy but in times of sadness, we focus on why is this happening or why are You not giving me what I'm praying for God?  Yet, without the lows, we wouldn't be able to truly enjoy the highs so if this is to be my cross right now, please help me to joyfully carry it.  Or at least to not complain as much as I attempt to carry it.  We had a truly wonderful evening last night of companionship, delicious food, and making new friendships.  There is just something so soothing about being with others who understand you and are on the same journey as you; especially in this day and age when others mock/ridicule/look down on you for your beliefs and faith. It is through God, and fellowship, we are revitalized and sustained....and really good wine doesn't hurt either.

 Yesterday afternoon was spent preparing three Halloween desserts, with the assistance of my three older niece and nephews.  We made Pumpkin Patch Peanut Butter Cups, Banana Ghost Pops, and a Zombie Eyeball (which I forgot to take a picture of) that I took to the dinner.

As I got ready to go to Chris' house, I saw this prayer card I had given my niece a few years ago.  Even though it was a name card for her, the words were very much needed by her aunt yesterday.

As I wrap up my final fall semester in the PhD program, amidst finalizing manuscripts that have been in progress over the last few years, grading my students' work & planning the remaining classes of the semester, drafting my dissertation chapters, and looking for jobs, I have quiet confidence that I will be led to wherever I am to go next...Between this and holding onto Jeremiah 29:11 and aiming to "Be Not Afraid", I put my trust in God.  As we listened to Kim Kalman sing after Adoration on Friday night God has seen us stumble and watched us fall, there has been an emptiness inside, but He hears our prayers and in times of temptation, we need to break our stride and turn to God.  I'm going to keep doing that, even though it is hard at times especially when friendships are lost and others fall away from your life....

http://www.kimkalman.com/pages/FOTC.html --->  The 9th song, "Till I Turn to You", was playing after Adoration on Friday night.  How fitting as we think of areas that may keep us turned away from God/in prison (mentally and physically)

 

 

 

At the end of last night, as we tidied up the kitchen, Chris played beautiful music on his piano in the next room.  One of which was "Amazing Grace" that followed, "Be Not Afraid".  BNA has been my anthem of sorts since making the decision to come down to NC and I've heard it over the years just when I needed to hear it the most from OBX to Raleigh to right here in High Point.  We are never truly alone no matter how much we think we might be and thank God for that!

This morning, while taking in the glorious fall weather as I said goodbye to my parents, I realized that our planning meeting last night was held exactly one month to the day that four of us caravanned to NCSC in PA!  Only one month has gone by yet it feels as if it was so long ago due to all that has happened since then.  I've not had the chance to blog about it yet but have been pondering the conversations and thoughts that occurred while there in my heart each day since then.

Then, while typing this blog posting, one of my friends from the conference texted me this beautiful passage:  The people who walked in darkness have seen great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness on them light has shined - Isaiah 9:12

Yes, there will be light at the end of this dark time and no more captivity.  I know it!