But we can’t actually do it all. No one can take care of kids full time and work full time. The kids need to come first. So now is a good time to lower your expectations, hold your kids close, and take care of yourself. Do the work that matters most to you, and that will make the most difference to your students, your colleagues, and your fields. It’s not about quantity. Getting one main work task done each day is plenty (and some days even that may seem impossible).
No one knows how long this is going to last, and, in many ways, that lack of certainty goes against the training, goal setting, and planning that have helped us get where we are in our academic careers. As academics we are used to applying for grants and planning research and conference trips months and months in advance. But it’s helped to let go of that need for long-term planning and thinking, and instead to focus on what is immediately in front of us and what needs to be done to move forward to tomorrow.
The above are the last two paragraphs from this article my sister-in-law sent me tonight. She works in higher education as well. These last couple of weeks we have been trading stories about trying to juggle it all as moms of littles while working in academia.
This article helps me to see why the struggle is so real. Professionally, I am hard wired to have many different plans in motion through the research, teaching, and service arenas yet all that has come to a grinding halt or significantly slowed due to the virus. Throw in the changes in my personal life as well and everything has gone haywire. Yet, being busy keeps the tears at bay. When is too much too much though?
Yet again the term, intentionality, comes to mind...the authors in the article say to let go and do what matters the most to you....which leads to the juxtaposition of momming and teaching - - two roles I love and was born to do!
An unexpected silver lining during these days of teaching four full classes online, advising remotely, and attempting to research, I haven't had the chance to be sad over being unable to bear more children. My mind can't help but be grateful that all the struggle with balancing is for one child rather than having to try to meet the needs of more than one at the moment. Four years, one month, and 22 days of the almost constant ache of secondary infertility has dulled during this time of COVID-19. Or perhaps the fresh pain of not having the physical presence of my Dad is overshadowing it. Guess time will tell but if I am being honest, I suppose I need to be thankful for the virus pushing me further on to acceptance and perhaps peace of being a family of three.
In spite of having a smaller family, the struggle of trying to get it all done each day is so... well, large! Yesterday, I literally had to resort to setting the timer for 15 minutes to do some grading then set it for 10 minutes to play with Charlotte before repeating the cycle again. She saw it as a game but I felt guilt and like I couldn't fully devote my attention to both tasks at hand thereby cheating both Charlotte and my students of my full self.
Be fully teacher.
Be fully mommy.
Grade that paragraph with the run-on sentences.
"Stick the My Little Pony in the dollhouse over there, Mommy."
"Can you help me with advising? Should I change my grade to pass/fail or do you think my GPA will survive a C?"
Clean the spilled milk from the smiley face cup as the dogs try to lap it up by my feet.
Fix the exam that didn't auto-release & send out emergency announcement and emails to calm the panicked students.
Color on the back porch with surprise rainbow crayons.
"Thanks for an incredible semester and for teaching me about this great performance-based assessment, Dr. R!"
"I love you, Mommy! That tickles!!!" before dissolving into a puddle of giggles in my bear hug.
I call that a win and lay my head down to sleep to try to balance all over again tomorrow.
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