Calm before the Storm?

Merry Christmas!!!

This calm, quiet, brisk, Christmas morning has been very different from those of years past and even those in recent years.  Having stayed up until 3:30am on Christmas Eve wrapping last minute gifts for my niece and nephews as I listened to Christmas music, Mom baked Christmas cookies, Dusty chewed his new bone, and Dad rested by the fireplace, I tried to sleep in this morning for a bit. 

What a nice lazy start to the day I had in packing for tomorrow's return to NC.  It has been nice to be up here in Pennsylvania visiting with friends and family and only doing schoolwork sporadically throughout the day or every other day rather than spending hours on end daily working on projects/writing/preparation.

However, time management is more crucial now than ever as I think about my return to the south. A lot of folks have been asking what do I plan to do in the spring semester now that I'm almost "done" with my dissertation.  I wish I could say that was all that was on my agenda.  However, submitting the dissertation to my committee for the Jan. 24th defense is just one of many more steps that will need completed before I can, with confidence, say I will be graduating in May (God and committee-willing!).

Looking at my to-do list for the next 4.5 months, my heart skips more than a few beats.  It's easy to get lost in the feelings of panic that creep up on me when I stop to think of all that actually has to happen before May 9th gets here.  Then, when I recall what a professor shared with a colleague about always having at least six projects spinning on one's plate (e.g., have two research projects happening at all times, be thinking ahead of two other projects that would be started at the conclusion of the current two, and be writing about two projects that have just been completed prior to the current projects), I'm ready to just open a bottle of Jacquin's Peach Schnapps, or several bottles of wine, to calm the jittery nerves. 

 

Looking at the above to do-list that is quite frankly VERY ambitious in thinking I can get these things accomplished in the attempted timeframe and which is also a skeletal outline that does not list several moving parts to achieving the completion of the items, I can't help but wonder, what about time with family?  What about time with friends?  What about down time of just vegging out and relaxing?  What about spending time with your puppy and with significant others?  What about just being and living in the moment?

This past semester, I was so busy with teaching, job hunting, and dissertating that these items on my to-do list were placed on the back burner.  Sadly, I made it to just a handful of Zumba classes during the Fall semester and have written even fewer blog postings (both are my top two ways of destressing).

Well, the New Year is almost upon us and my time in NC is rapidly dwindling with that light at the end of the tunnel looming larger than ever.  My goals for the first half of 2014, other than to cross off more items on my to-do list, are to do a better job of finding that balance of down time and work time especially since my responsibilities at work will be changing again and I take on supervision of ten student teachers in addition to the workload.  If anyone has any secret tricks on how to get all that needs to get done dooooone, please send them my way!!

This past Advent, in the days leading up to Christmas, God graced me with the ability to a.)  function on even less sleep than before, b.)  the opportunity to really slow down and live more in the present (surprisingly, I did not freak out as much as I thought I would as I fell further and further behind on the to-do list; yet loose ends still got tied, projects were still wrapped up, and/or progress was still made in other areas), and c.)  the resolve to achieve more balance as well as steam to keep chugging along and continue up the mountain.  I may be worse for the wear and a little ragged by the time I make it to the top but come May 9th, it would be nice to have many of these items crossed off, to have a job, and to be working toward completion of another to-do list that will be in progress.  As Dr. Seuss would say, the possibilities are endless and oh the places I could go?!

Yes, I really don't want a lot for Christmas this year.  Just time or more hours in the day (don't we all?!), better time management, and the resiliency to keep at it when more gets piled onto my plate without feeling terribly overwhelmed as I've felt in the past.  Perhaps it's from the peaceful Advent I just experienced or maybe it's from the daily theme of the word, hope, appearing at least once every single day since 12/12, when I came home for the holidays but I have confidence, desire, and the actions (motivation) to get through the next couple months.  I stumbled upon the picture below and the message I posted back on May 1st when I was feeling extra hopeful, much as I feel on this Christmas morning as a sense of calm surrounds me before the upcoming storm of projects, defending, writing, and simply being loom on the horizon.  What an exciting time this is!!

 

1 academic school year. 7 conference presentations. 5 states. Countless hours of preparation. Yes, feeling like jumping for joy after the quickest conference presentation known to mankind with the oh so fabulous Rachel...so lucky I am! Now on to enjoy the last night here, Fisherman's Wharf-style, with the awesome Ashley & Monika and hopefully Tiffany!

Road Trippin'

I remember hearing this song for the first time in junior high school.  

 
Besides being a catchy little tune, I remember the lyrics piquing my interest and sparking that desire to get away somewhere and travel.  I could hardly wait to grow up and be spontaneous and just get in my car and drive somewhere without a destination.  

How funny it is to think back to how we viewed the world as middle schoolers and even as high schoolers.  I didn't spend a lot of time back then, when daydreaming, thinking about details or logistics such as paying for the gas, knowing how to get from point A to point B, having coupons or dollar menus to save on food during the random road trips, sticky widgets such as car maintenance issues, or maximizing travel time to ensure the opportunities to be a "tourist" yet also be able to get from one destination to another in a timely fashion.  

My Christmas Break at home over the last 12 days has been spent all over the place!  From driving to Lebanon, Carlisle, York, Harrisburg, Reading, Hanover, Maryland, and all points in between, I racked up the miles and burned through several filled gas tanks to see family and friends while home.  I'm so thankful for the memories and laughs that were made while home with those I traveled to see and especially those friends who drove to see me!  I am grateful they took the time out of their hectic schedules at this busy time of the holiday season to squeeze me into their schedules and enjoyed my time at home all the more through these visits.

My friend, Lisa, often says that God speaks to me through billboards and signs (like literally, road signs, street signs, etc.).  I giggled to myself on Sunday morning when I drove down 61 to Reading for a visit with a few friends and I was the only car on the road until I passed out a truck from.....Greensboro, NC.  Seriously?!  I'm in my home county in my home state, borrowing my Mom's car, to drive down a highway I've been on a million times to go see my friends from college in a city an hour away and the only other vehicle on the road is a truck from Greensboro, NC?  LOL!

On the way to seeing Ashley and Monika on Sunday, I realized that the last time I had seen both of them together was when we had our girls' getaway to San Francisco, CA at the start of the summer last year.  I also recalled how behind I am on blogging since I've not yet blogged about it nor gone through my pictures from that awesome trip.  Soon I hope!  Later that afternoon, as we exchanged gifts, I loved the keychain from Monika that contained pictures from our memorable trip and was thrilled when I opened Ash's annual calendar gift.  Each December I hope for and look forward to her gift since many years ago, she started giving me the photo collage calendar as a gift.  Well, this year, she created one of our San Francisco memories!  Now, I can relive that awesome trip throughout the year daily!

So, to everyone who's been a part of this one, thanks so much for the talks, laughs, and creating of new memories as I escaped from reality for a bit and partook of the Christmas festivities (and cookies) of the season.  As I start to pack for my return to NC and bid adieu yet again, I am definitely looking forward to connecting again in 2014....wherever that may be!  Anyone got a quarter to flip for it?

Morning Words

"God loves you just the way you are ...above your heartaches, addictions, mess-ups, brokenness, judgmental attitudes, all of it.... But he also loves you way too much to let you stay that way!"- Steven Furtick ️
  


A special friend sent me these words of encouragement late last night that I'm pondering this morning.  He has a knack for 1.)  knowing the right thing to say and 2.)  for cheering me up even when I didn't realize I needed it.  

To those of you who are reading this, I hope you're able to draw comfort in these encouraging words as I did this morning.  

Senseless Violence

My aunt is a Sister of St. Joseph and the church in this picture is the one where my parents, aunt and uncle and, most recently, my cousin got married. Please send prayers of healing to the nun who was so needlessly and brutally attacked. 

 
You can read this young doctor's blog posting about St. Titus, the Sisters of St. Joseph, and specifically his memories of Sr. Mary by clicking on the link below: 

Touching Blog Posting from a Former Student at St. Titus

I just learned more grisly details relating to this attack this morning...so sad! Some of us are sending care packages and cards to Sr. Mary to try to lift her spirits; she's 85 years old and in a LOT of pain (physical and emotional) and is struggling to forgive her attacker. 

If you are interested in sending her get well wishes or a simple Christmas card please send correspondence to:

Sisters of St. Joseph Convent
Sr. Mary Morgan
1020 State Street
Baden, PA  15005

Strong Silent Type

Last night, I reflected on yesterday's date of 12/21.  On that day last year, my Dad had unexpected heart surgery at St. Joseph's Hospital in Reading.  As I mentioned last night, when I think of last year's holiday season at home, it was filled with trips to three different hospitals within a less than two-week time span resulting in fear and worry for my father.  Ironically, we attended mass at St. Joseph's Parish in Frackville last night before I realized the date.  I've always loved what St. Joseph stands for...the protector of the Holy Family, supporter of Mary, and living out his calling as patriarch here on Earth.  These traits are what I see in my own father as I think back on how he supported our family over the years, how much of an impact he has had in not only my life but so many others, and how in love he and my Mom were and continue to be today.  What an example they are to my brothers and me!

I can only hope the man I might marry someday would embody these traits I see in both my father and St. Joseph.

Today is the fourth Sunday of Advent so today's Gospel reminds us of the following:

‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife’ (Mt 1:20). Just like in the reading from the prophet Isaiah, yet in a diametrically opposed way to Ahaz’s incredulous attitude, we see Joseph’s full adherence to God’s will. He had just decided to divorce Mary on account of her unexpected pregnancy in accordance with the Law, but upon the Angel’s reassurance ‘he did what he told him to do: he took his wife home’ (Mt 1:24). Joseph’s need for reassurance that the child was the fruit of the Holy Spirit doesn’t diminish his fatherhood but rather enhances it as ‘You must name him Jesus, because He is the One who is to save His people from their sins’ (Mt 1:21). In other words, thanks to his extraordinary fatherhood he, himself accepted and permitted the realization of God’s promise to reside amongst His people. Joseph’s great faith helps us to comprehend that faith assumes a new importance in the most intimate things that belong to us. We are reminded today that everyone of us has received our ‘apostolic mission’ to ‘obtain the obedience of faith’, and to profess our faith in Jesus Christ (cf Rm 1:1-7).

(Taken from http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/liturgicalyear/calendar/day.cfm?date=2013-12-22)

I stumbled upon a beautiful church yesterday morning while departing Hanover.  It was the oldest stone Catholic church in the US and also the first parish dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  Located atop a hill with snow blanketing the rolling grass and tufts of clouds passing high above the cross in the sky, this church was a serene spot to stop and pray for a special intention.  Oh, how I loved this stained glass window of the Holy Family!

I've not been able to keep up with the Advent Reflection readings I've been participating in over the last few nights due to the travel and spending of time with loved ones which has thrown me off kilter a bit.  I very much look forward to getting back into the nightly habit of reading, reflecting, and talking with a friend tonight.  What are some Advent traditions you and your family engage in during this holy season of waiting and hope?

Christmas is almost here!

 

Casting Cares

One year ago today, on 12/21/12, my Dad had unexpected heart surgery at St. Joseph's Hospital in Reading.  Last Christmas break was filled with trips to the hospital, fear, and worry.  While there were cheerful moments through visits with family and friends, when I think of last year’s break, I remember clearly the unanticipated anxiety that accompanied each health scare as we worked with the doctors to get to the root of Dad’s issues. 

I’m happy to say that one year later we got through today without any emergency visits to the hospital or with Dad not feeling well.  In fact, he, Mom, and I made the 80 mile trip over to New Holland (near Lancaster), PA to see Matt Maher, Audrey Assad, and Timothy Timmons perform an Advent Reflection concert at The Worship Center.

Audrey Assad's song, "Humble", was hauntingly beautiful!

Grant us eyes so that we can recognize the glory and beauty all around us.

Audrey Assad playing the piano

We learned that the people sitting in front of us were from Baltimore but that the one gentleman's wife's grandmother lives in Frackville (did you follow that one?) and I spotted a few Catholics in the audience as well.  I even spotted a girl who works at my favorite church down in Maryland (and where I hope to go for Christmas Eve Mass this year).  Overall, during tonight’s praise and worship concert, it was neat to see folks from all religions and walks of life coming together to enjoy the talents of these inspiring musicians in what was an all too quick concert!!  I knew it was going to be good when the opening act began the evening by singing one of my favorite Christmas Carols, “Drummer Boy”.

When Timothy Timmons sang about casting fears on God, I couldn’t help but think of all the worry and angst from last Christmas Break or all the feelings that were experienced in the last year with the failed proposal meeting, doubts of finding a job, wondering what will happen after May 9, 2014…..and all those nights of restless sleeping, worrying in the middle of the night, and pondering what the future might hold.

Yet, like the lyrics in the song, in the last couple months, I’ve consciously shifted my thinking to look at what I do know rather than what I don’t.  I love how the last part of the song contains changed lyrics about praying with confidence rather than being worried in the middle of the night since these lyrics definitely capture this personal change and the peace I’ve felt in recent months.  Below are the lyrics and the song that were particularly moving for me today as I reflected on how different today was compared to last year!

"Cast My Cares"

In the middle of the night
When worry finds me
In the middle of the fight
When strength is gone
In the middle of a fire
When fear is closing in
You are, You are my song
You're my hope, when hope is gone

I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me
Oh, oh because You love me

In the middle of the night
When worry finds me
In the middle of the fight
When strength is gone
In the middle of a fire
When fear is closing in
You are, You are my song
You're my hope, when hope is gone

So I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me
Oh, oh because You love me
Oh, oh because You love me

God of glory
You are able
Through Your power
To be faithful
God of mercy
Every moment
You are near to me
[x2]

So I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me
Oh, oh because You love me
Oh, oh because You love me

In the middle of the night
I'll pray with confidence
In the middle of the fight
You're greater still
In the middle of a fire
Your love is holding me
You are, You are my song
You're my hope, when hope is gone

Formal Friday!

Last night, Dad and I swung by Walmart in an effort to complete my Mom's "honey do" list.  While there, I saw some familiar faces from days long ago.  

One person I didn't expect to see was my Christmas formal date from December 1997 during our school's annual Winter Formal Dance.  This dance was typically held the week before Christmas or so on a Friday night.  

My Dad and I shared a laugh over the fact that had you told me 16 years ago that John and I would both be shopping at a Walmart on a Friday night 16 years after the formal, I would not have believed you.  How fast time flies and how funny life can be sometimes!!

 

Home for the Snowy Days

The snow is gently falling to the ground adding to the white blanket that is already covering the grass, driveway, and shrubs.

Last night, Dad and I had to laugh, for when we were completing last minute Christmas shopping and errands for my Mom, we couldn't find any bread on the shelves at the store.  Apparently, folks were taking the weather forecast to heart and stocked up on the "essentials".

This picture is of my parents' front yard from 8:30am (the snow had started at 7:30am).

One hour later...

The snow did not keep my parents and me from making the hour trip south to attend my youngest nephew's first birthday party.  On the way home, we passed out an Amish woman driving her horse and buggy out in the open without a roof over her head.  I'm thankful for modern day conveniences and luxuries we often take for granted every day!

I was so happy to see my Dusty Shamrock upon my arrival home late Thursday night as he greeted me with furry puppy hugs!  The last 11 days in NC were lonely ones as my pup was here in PA.  This was the longest time I had been away from him!!

Now that nightfall has descended on my parents' cozy and cheery home, the inside and outside Christmas lights are a twinkling and the smell of brownies baking in the oven is slowly filling the house.

The driveway is completely covered and the snow is not done falling yet!

A CD of some of the prettiest Christmas songs, courtesy of a special friend, are playing as Mom works in the kitchen (and let me "get the bowl" by giving me a spoon and the nearly empty bowl of brownie batter) and I work on a conference presentation for late January.

Somehow doing schoolwork with the beautiful melodies and yummy smells wafting through the air this snowy evening in my parents' home doesn't seem so bad.  I hope you all are able to take some time during the hectic holidays to relax with family and friends so you can enjoy the sights, smells, & sounds of the season.

Trade in those sheep!

As I drove home from work tonight, while sitting at a traffic light, I checked my Facebook newsfeed.  I know, I know, bad.  The light was red and I wasn't moving though.  Anyhow, the first thing that appeared on my screen was my sister-in-law's status that said:

"If you're worried and you can't sleep,
Just count your blessings instead of sheep.
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings!"

 The light turned green so it was time to put the phone away and continue driving.  I kid you not, as I drove across the intersection and down the next block, I saw a sign in front of a church that said, "Having trouble sleeping? Count your blessings!"

Then, as I merged onto the highway five minutes later, in spite of there not being a drop of rain in the sky and a brilliant sunset, I glimpsed a small rainbow in the clouds.  Those of you who have seen my Defense Powerpoint will understand this reference.

Yes, I think I shall fall asleep tonight counting my blessings!

The Things I See

What a day it has been.  I'm so burnt out from school and the end of the semester that I just couldn't bear to bring myself to do schoolwork today.  I have three separate piles on the floor next to my desk that should have been worked on today but I just couldn't bring myself to do any of the work.  Bad I know!  Perhaps I was empathizing with my friends back home who were enjoying a lazy relaxing snow day by watching Christmas movies, viewing the snowy landscapes, and cozying up by the fire (based on the beautiful pictures that appeared on my Fb newsfeed).  Or maybe it's because I'm super excited about the second Christmas Cookie Exchange of the season that will be held tomorrow evening or maybe I'm feeling restless since tomorrow morning's meeting will be the last official one with my advisor before my defense in January...!  If all goes as planned, I will be submitting my dissertation to the editor this time tomorrow...eek!!   

 

So, today was a whirlwind of boundless activity on my end.  I started the morning at the post office before returning home to  vacuum the nursery, guest room, dining room, living room, kitchen, and laundry room, washed and put away the dishes, completed and am still working through countless loads of laundry, baked several dozen cookies for tomorrow's CCE, finalized December & January travel plans, and figured out last minute Christmas gifts.  Heck, I even wound the cuckoo clock.  Ha!!

 

It is now evening and I've yet to do any schoolwork but I've 100% lost my motivation. 

 

What's more, I've decided I'm going to put my little Christmas tree up with the help of my oldest nephew tonight. I can't wait to tell him about that fun task as I had originally planned to skip putting out my Christmas decorations this year and I just know he will love being my little helper.  I was also invited to my niece's dance class Christmas party tonight so I'll help with that as well.  Yeah, I don't think schoolwork will be thought of nor touched tonight.  One day off won't hurt right?

 

As I worked around the house today, trying my best to match up tiny socks and folding mini shirts and pants and making the children's beds, I recalled the nights of tucking them in or checking on them in the middle of the night (I keep late hours especially these days) before retiring to the guest room.  They're small like this for such a short time and I can't believe how quickly they're growing.  I remember Clark was just 3 weeks old when I started my second babysitting summer down here and now he's 4.5 years old.  We have a picture of me holding Mason Noelle when she was a baby in a fuzzy purple frame downstairs that when you ask a child who is in the picture with Aunt Megan, the response is that it's Nicholas (or whoever the baby happens to be at the moment).  Hehe.  I love how Braden always has to go hunting for his pacifiers before he gets in his crib since he likes to throw them overboard in the mornings and everywhere you turn these days, you are likely to see Nick standing by pulling himself up holding onto the edge of the coffee table, the children's kitchen table, the chair legs, and whatever else he can get his hands on...what an honor, albeit noisy one at times, it has been to be living within these walls with my beautiful NC niece and nephews.  What love toward me was demonstrated by my sister-in-law and brother in opening up not only their home to me but their lives.  

 

As I reflected on these thoughts in making the babies' beds today, a pang of sadness hit me.  This time next year, I will most likely be wrapping up the first semester of my "new" yet again life.  I will more than likely be living alone in a small apartment (with Dusty God willing!) and may be in a new town where I won't know anyone and will be starting over again.  I will most likely be packing and surely counting down the days I will get to travel home or to wherever the holidays will be celebrated by my family.  The thought of not seeing these beautiful children everyday and not hearing how their days were at school or seeing them play with their beloved toys or hearing their giggles and yes, dare I say it, their meltdowns, brings more than a tear to my eye.  

 

However, we will have Skype and hopefully I won't live so far away that we can't make trips to see each other fairly often....guess only time will tell!

 

So, in thinking about my time here...since last Spring I've been meaning to create a humorous blog posting about the "things I see around the house" in having 4 little children under the age of 6 for roommates but life was too busy.  I guess now is appropriate a time as any! 

I always knew when it had been a "play outside" type of day when coming home from work. 

I was greeted by this when I came home last week.  Somehow I don't think I'm the princess in this house.  ;)

View outside my window when taking a break from writing during the last snowfall last winter

Easter 2012 (before Baby Nicholas was born in December)

 

Seeing this bag made me giggle...it's neat seeing the same toys from our childhood making a comeback during the next generation!

Seriously?!  I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this one afternoon.  I don't know the back story...was a child attempting to "clean"?  Who knows?!

 

 

The above photos were from one of Mason's homework assignments.  What a sweet gesture to include Dusty Shamrock and me!!