Pinnacle

Merriam-Webster defines the word, "pinnacle", as:

¹pin·na·cle

noun \ˈpi-ni-kəl\

: a high mountain top

: the best or most important part of something : the point of greatest success or achievement

: a tower on the roof of a building that comes to a narrow point at the top

 

When I think about the events of the last several days, I feel a sense of standing on top of the mountain.  I can imagine what it must look like from the top and almost feel the sense of dizziness that would surely accompany standing at such a height.  While exhilarating to be standing so close to the sky, it could also be a bit nerve wracking not knowing which path to take down off the mountain.  Which path should I choose?  How do I get back down to ground level?  Should I go for the most direct and straight route or do I take the longer more scenic path?

 

It was a long and arduous climb to get to the pinnacle in the first place but oh so worth every single second since starting the journey back in August 2010.  The regular readers of this blog can probably recall the postings in which I shared my frustrations (and joys) of creating & collecting the research that went into my dissertation study as well as all the steps it took to get to the point of conducting the pilot study last March, defending my portfolio (passing my school's version of Comps) in January 2013, and all the other milestones I had to reach before getting to this point.  Friday's defense was a culmination of many smaller steps that led to the 1pm meeting.

 

Looking back over the rugged terrain that leads to the pinnacle, I can see the valleys and the places where I nearly lost hope.  I can see the places where the jagged edges of the mountain give way and drop off with no warning.  Yet I also see the people and resources who helped and provided scaffolding; those who threw me a line and pulled me on up over the rough patches.  I also see the smooth path and clear footholds I used as I changed course during the climb.  Last week, as I engaged in last minute prep for the defense, I could feel the love and support from my family and friends.  I mean really feel it.  It was palpable and seemed to wrap around me like a warm and fuzzy winter coat on a snowy windy day.  For anyone else, the blinding snow and forceful wind could have pushed the person off the edge just as she was about to pull herself up to the climax of the mountain but not this gal.  The incredible belief in me and encouragement, via texts, emails, calls, and well wishes acted as a zip line that propelled me to the top and then some!  I thank everyone who thought of, prayed, reached out, and simply just supported me in his/her own way from the bottom of my heart for they surely worked as I successfully defended my dissertation on Friday afternoon!

 

Prior to Friday, I had practiced my defense in the same room with two other people and had practiced it alone in the bonus room twice.  I was ready as I was ever going to be walking into that room on Friday albeit I was a nervous wreck.  Adding to the nerves, the night before, when called down to dinner, I walked into the kitchen and was astounded to find my aunt, uncle, and cousin from Pittsburgh there.  They had driven all day to surprise me with their attendance at the defense the next day.  Later, I learned that my aunt and her friend from Boston were flying in as well. 

 

Mom snapped this photo as I came around the corner and found my Pittsburgh family in the kitchen.  Thursday had already been an emotional day and this "surprise" pushed me over the emotional edge...so much so that Uncle Bill asked if I was alright as I bawled my eyes out as I hugged Aunt Marie.  LOL!

I was excited my extended family was planning to attend but was also nervous about the sheer number of people who planned to attend the defense (since I was now up to a possible TEN folks) as my department typically holds small meetings with just the committee members and maybe one or two other folks attending.  I should have known my family would do something like this; in matters of the heart, we're always there for each other no matter the distance.  It was a bit surreal talking to both my committee members and my family as I explained in detail about my study and the results.  At one point, I had flashbacks to childhood memories of "playing school" with my brothers as I saw my brother sitting there and listening to what I had to say about my dissertation.  About midway through the defense, I began to focus only on my committee members though since I felt like I was taking too long by trying to include everyone in the room as I spoke.

I got to the room an hour before the start of the defense to set up; surprisingly I was calm and not as nervous as I thought I would be!

My family members ended up sitting in the chairs at the perimeter of the room by the windows while my committee members sat at the table.

 

Pre-defense and ready!!

I spoke for exactly one hour then underwent about twenty minutes of questions.  This was the portion of the defense I was most worried about since I had no way of knowing what sorts of questions they might ask.  There were some questions that I felt I answered better than others but none were so impossible that I was stumped.  The committee then left the room (usually it's the other way around but due to having so many folks in the room, they opted to leave) to deliberate.  As my four committee members exited the room, my family and I let out a big sigh.  Then I turned around and there was Father Vince!  He had been standing outside for the last half of my defense as the door had been shut and he didn't want to interrupt.  He said he had found a seat just outside the door and he could hear through it.  I joked this was like the opposite of confession having a priest sitting there with his ear pressed to the door.  ;)

 



Waiting for the committee to return to the room...

As Father circulated around the room greeting my family members, others came up to me to give me hugs and congratulate me but I remember thinking, "It's not over yet!".  Sheresa, my colleague from my cohort, and my sister-in-law, Alisha, shared comforting words with me.  Then, all too quickly, the committee members returned.  They had been out of the room for all of maybe five minutes.  The room quickly quieted down and everyone returned to their seats as I stood by the table.  Thinking back, I'm grateful I didn't have to leave the room as is standard procedure since the last time I underwent that process was during my proposal defense in April where I stood in the hallway for what seemed an eternity (it was really about 30 minutes) and it was not the most pleasant feeling.  This experience was completely different in terms of feeling lifted up by both my committee members and my family and close friends both in person and in spirit.  It is amazing what a difference one person, or absence of, can make in terms of positivity and support and I'm thankful for those who have been there every step of the way.

 

The committee rendered their decision upon their return to the room, which is a blur, but I do remember hearing the words, "Dr. Kemmery" and the room erupting into applause and cheers.  :)  The next twenty minutes involved more hugging, signing of forms, congratulations, laughter (with some tears), and the drawing of this on the whiteboard.  

 

I am not sure who all contributed to this picture as it was drawn by my silly family after the defense as I talked with folks and pictures were taken.  About a half hour later and after showing my family my office, it was time to get out of there and get some foooood.  I sure was hungry as I had not eaten since the night before due to nerves.  So we caravanned over to my favorite Irish pub in High Point, the Claddagh.  Ten of us feasted on Irish food as I began to relax.  My family surprised me with a balloon and beautiful red roses.  The restaurant surprised me with my two Long Island Iced Teas and a slice of chocolate cake complete with candle!  What a nice treat!!

 

After dinner, Mom, Dad, and I left the restaurant to go to my church to attend a mass of thanksgiving since there was a special mass being held due to it being the feast day of St. Francis de Sales.  My parents ended their day the way they started it for they had attended 9am children's mass that morning with my nephew and niece through their school.  Mom remarked that that morning she had prayed for a successful defense and now that evening, she was able to say a prayer of thanksgiving.  Pretty neat!

 

Mom took this photo right when the committee told me I passed and I was now DR.!!  :)

 

(Some of my) Pittsburgh Family!

My "roommates"  ;-)

 

What a relief!

Me and my posse..ha!

 

My advisor, chair, mentor, friend.  :)

Full time girls of the 2010 Cohort!

So thankful for supportive committee members and faculty to work with at UNCG!!

So much to take in on Friday afternoon...!

Just hanging out with my Irish family    :-)

 

 

It just occurred to me that as I blog about this experience today, on 01/28, it is the feast day of St. Thomas Aquinas, the patron saint of students and scholars!  That was also the saint room I stayed in when on retreat at the Young Adults Retreat in Malvern, PA last May.  At the conclusion of my meeting, one of my committee members commented that at that moment, I crossed over from student to scholar; that I was now a peer of my committee members and welcome to the club.  I still view them as my superiors and myself as a student though.  Perhaps it will seem more real after graduation (in 101 days)!! 

 

Speaking of which, for those of you who have been asking me about what's next and when will I return to PA....my answer is....I'm not sure! I have a couple conference presentations this semester (one is on Friday this week), am supervising student teachers, and have other research projects I'm involved with at the moment. I also am job hunting, which can be a full-time job in itself but strangely, I'm at peace with it all and it is exciting because it's anyone's guess where I will land.  Over Christmas, I have come to embrace (or am trying to) "letting go and letting God" since "I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds the future" and I must surrender to His Will.  I plan to tackle the job hunt mountain on February 1st so, yes, I'm about to descend this dissertation mountain but I'm in the middle of a mountain range and it's time to come down off this one so I can get started on the next climb!

 

  

I've learned so much during this PhD journey, both personally and academically, about not only myself but others in my life.  One of the things I've come to realize through my time in NC and much prayer is beautifully captured in the image below ~ I've been blessed beyond measure by the presence of family & love in my life and for that I'm eternally grateful.  Pax!

 

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible."-St. Thomas Aquinas