The ol' dissertation has been submitted to the committee!

Earlier today, I hit "send" on one of the most important emails I've composed to date.

Yep, I submitted my complete dissertation to my committee for their review before the defense scheduled in less than 3 weeks!  Yowza!!

Not only did I send it to them a full week before the required deadline but I'm surprisingly not as scared as I thought I would be at this very moment.  This 300+ page document that has taken up so much of my blood, sweat, and tears since the idea first came to me on Super Bowl Sunday back in January 2012 has been hashed and rehashed over and over again.  Maybe it was because I knew that I just could not look at it any more.  Or perhaps after unexpectedly having to rewrite one of the major chapters last spring/summer, having done so made me realize just how much stronger the study became which gave me more confidence.  Or maybe in this moment, I realized it's just time to let it go, turn it over to the hands of the committee, and see what they say.

So, the dissertation is off in the hands of my committee.

The room has been reserved.

My dress is hanging in the closet.

The presentation has been saved in multiple places should I accidentally break my laptop or my flash drive (yes, both of these events have happened during the last 4 years).

Speaking of the presentation, while home over break, I conducted a few dry runs of the presentation with friends, my parents, my little brother, and even conducted a mini-presentation of the findings for some of my study participants in one of my former schools.  Valuable feedback was provided and I also learned I still need to work on getting the clicker to work correctly.  At some point in the next two weeks, I need to do a practice run in the room where I will be defending to ensure the colors/fonts show up on the big screen.  I may probably go down as the first PhD candidate to use so much color, aka rainbows, in the presentation of my findings.  This could be risky if my committee doesn't like my approach; yet I want to remain authentic and true to my presentation style so fingers crossed all goes well!

Dusty insisted on helping with the typing as I worked on the presentation in the car on the way back to NC from PA.  ;)

This was hanging on the wall in the classroom where I gave my mini-presentation of the findings to the study participants.  How true it is!!

My furry faithful pup stayed by my side every day over the last several days as I battled through the flu and now pneumonia.

"Milk & Cookies" mini presentation event at one of my old schools

I came across this link when explaining to someone what exactly the defense process is like:  http://graduate.asu.edu/sites/default/files/The_Dissertation_Defense.pdf

When my friend first asked me about the process, my response was:  "You are beaten down, your ideas are torn apart, and you can begin to think you aren't good enough" as I reflected on my disastrous proposal defense back in April.  Then, after skimming over the link above, I had to smile to myself as I read some of the statements.  For example, 

If you tend to over-plan, limit how much time you will spend on preparing the actual

defense, and focus on trying to relax and reduce your level of anxiety. If you know you tend to avoid or procrastinate, work on the defense presentation promptly to avoid last minute planning. If you know that you tend to become highly anxious in these types of situations, you may need to spend less time on the defense and more time on learning to relax. Practice self-care, such as regular exercise, socializing, or planning for your post-defense celebrations.

Me, over-plan?  Ha!  I'm glad I had the two week trip home because it forced me to have a draft of the presentation well in advance since I knew I was presenting to my study participants.  Granted it was only half of what I will be showing my committee but it forced me to plan ahead and have the draft of the PPT at least started well in advance of January's arrival.  I had planned to work on studying my notes and refining the presentation this week upon my return to NC but my printer broke the first night I was back so I've not been able to refer to the paper printout yet.  I also had every intention of getting back into the routine of going to zumba and had a few social events on the calendar....but the flu, a trip to the ER, pneumonia, and low oxygen promptly put all those plans of being active on hold.  I'm not out of the woods yet but hopefully by this time next week, the fevers will be completely gone, the coughs less, and sleep will be my friend again.  Last but not least, my post-defense celebration of my graduation gathering has been planned since last May.  As for immediately after the defense....?  I can't think beyond 3pm on Friday, Jan. 24th.  I'll let my family be in charge of that.

This also stood out from the link for me:  Your committee is there to listen and

understand, not to test or trick you. Though it may not always feel like it, your committee wants you to do well. It is true!  They agreed to be on your committee, haven't they (and no, they didn't have to)?  They have invested a lot of time and energy in your education as well. Professors are very busy people and chairs are not going to waste everyone's time by setting a date if you are not ready. If they let you set a date, they think you are ready to present your work. 

Unfortunately my experience back in April proved that even though the date was set and the meeting was held, this does not mean everyone on my committee would think I am ready.  However, this time around, after some modifications, I feel I do have a more cohesive committee who fully do have my best interests at heart so we'll see!  Finally, I like the author's perspective that the defense is more of a presentation.  Yes, that's all this will be 20 days from now...just an itty bitty presentation.  Ha, we'll see if I can trick myself into thinking that!