So what is this topic you ask?
Well, as if I weren't already pondering it enough, my daily quote a day calendar reminded me when I flipped the page this morning.
Adam and I recently read an article questioning should one marry a best friend? I wish I still had the link to the article so I could post it here but I've lost it. What can I say, we're in the midst of finals and everyone is beginning to crumble in one way or another, students and faculty included. ;) The article we read was actually one that was written to counter another article that advocated folks marrying their best friends. This topic has always piqued my interest. I remember thinking to myself, I can't date or marry anyone who wouldn't fit in with my group of friends. He will have to get along with my best friends and come to appreciate them and want to spend time with them as much as I do. I even recall thinking how would I find someone I would be close with when I share all my hopes and dreams with my best friend(s)? However, God slowly pruned away and cleared the path for that special someone to enter my life. Perhaps he wanted my needs to be met through that one special relationship rather than through a multitude of companions? Nowadays, there is no best friend but many friends both those in passing and those who are a bit closer to me. I've always had a preference for having a few close friends I can completely trust and relate to rather than having a thousand acquaintances but from the outside looking in inevitably it appeared that I fell in that second category. I've worked to try to fully embrace this as this is where God seems to want to use my talents and treasures via the form of being a planner or head of a social committee..ha!
For as long as I can remember, I always wanted a sister. Perhaps that is why I loved the story of Mary's and Elizabeth's relationship so. I envisioned that in my time of need my sister would come to me (even though they are cousins, they struck me as having a sisterly relationship) and I would go to her. How appropriate to be thinking of Mary today as I'm about to head to mass to celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception holy day. Thinking back on the relationships with close girlfriends in my life, my best friends became as close to me as I would imagine sisters might be. One of my favorite movies (and book series) as a child was Anne of Green Gables. I need my Colleen now I'm living somewhere new yet again. ;)
Life, distance, and geography will change your network and circle of friends. I fought it tooth and nail and desperately tried to cling to the former friendships with all I had which in retrospect was my clinging to sameness and not wanting things to change. Change is not usually my preferred experience in life. It's uncomfortable and pushes you outside your comfort zone when things were just fine the way they were...or so you think. At a Christmas party on Saturday night, I said something that surprised me. In talking about where we've been, where we are now, and where we were going (yeah, pretty deep conversation for someone I knew for all of two minutes), I shared that it took my leaving for the one thing I didn't want to happen to happen...for friendships and relationships to evolve. Last week, a student stayed after class to talk for over an hour and I found myself sharing advice about being open to God's will even if it may dramatically clash with what we have planned for our lives. I realized through talking with her and thinking back over the last several years that while I wouldn't say I was complacent, I was perhaps stagnant in some areas of my life. It took a whole new change of scenery and new people in my life to propel me forward on my journey. That is not to say that the relationships I encountered before leaving were negative or "not good enough" but perhaps I was not growing in my faith or as a person as a result.
So, this time around when I moved again, I thought I was better prepared for the loneliness and the distancing (literally and figuratively) that would occur in the relationships (both the old ones from prior to the move and the new ones I had formed while living there for the last four years). I had hoped to find confidants and new girlfriends to be close with here in my new town but we're all so busy with teaching, working, and just getting through each day it feels as if there is no time! However, I just spoke with one of my housemates and we're all going to actually sit down and eat together tomorrow night...yay! Believe it or not, this is only the second time this semester that this will occur due to all of us being like ships in the night and seeing each other once in a while throughout our busy weeks. While I can be a homebody most of the time, I'm a social gal and do crave that one-on-one time with a trusted girlfriend. Enter social media and how it can be a tremendous aid to crossing the miles and connecting folks through photos, sharing of inspirational songs and blog postings, or even sparking conversation through the posting of controversial subjects. However, the opposite is true too...seeing the fun that is being had by others, even those in your former tight knit circle of friends, can be depressing as you're now on the outside looking in at it all. I suppose it is similar to "the grass is always greener" line of thought. While someone might be envious of what you're going through you are looking to someone else and may be envious of what is happening in that person's life.
As I said to Adam last night, it doesn't make much sense for me to feel lonely when I have the love of him and the support of so many others in both of our lives. While Skype, texting, emails, and other social media are great for encouraging connections, in person time would be awesome and is needed, especially for me. I am so blessed, and humbled, to have such an understanding and encouraging man in my life who doesn't brush me off and say, "Oh, well just go make new friends" or even worse, "You're just being a girl". When talking about it with Adam, I realized that maybe a part of why I try to hold on so hard is because I fear that if I don't, the relationships will just disappear. Numerous times I have wanted to give up social media but then hung on because for many, it is my only connection to what were at one time close friends. Who knows..perhaps for Lent, I'll give up Facebook. Guess only time will tell!
I find it ironic that I'm fighting these feelings at a time when I would think I would be running to my girlfriends for advice on current & upcoming events such as how I feel guilty for not being home for the holidays this year or how I worry Adam might not like living on the East Coast or if I will be viewed as "stealing" him or voice my worry over our being able to accommodate all of the guests on the limited invitation list to the wedding that is coming up in five short months! Talking through all of this with Adam last night made me think of something...perhaps the loneliness is further cultivating the spirit within me of no one person can satisfy every longing in your heart since only Jesus can do that. Adam can't do that for me and I certainly can't do it for him. A best friend can't fill that void for either of us nor can we do that for others. So maybe this is just a restless heart talking courtesy of St. Augustine. Perhaps I needed this reminder before Adam's arrival and I get swept off my feet from the giddiness of it all. I can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that Adam will be living in the same town in less than a month!! It almost makes this semester of the down times worth it as the next semester seems like it will be radically different!! I also don't take lightly all that this man is doing in the name of love...he is essentially giving up all he knows and starting fresh somewhere completely new for him on the blind trust that it is where God is calling him...what bravery & character that takes and further makes me love him all the more.
All of this meditations and prayer has led me to think we possibly need to do a better job of living in the moment (I am the first to admit I struggle with this daily and will let work get in the way of carving out time to be present and to spend it with friends) and of truly appreciating what we're given...and even what we're not given.
There is a time for everything and as Sheryl reminded me this past summer all things work for the good of the Lord. He knows our plan better than us and if it's to be a time of spiritual dryness or lack of close girlfriends or time apart from loved ones right now, then so be it. Mother Teresa spoke of periods in her life where she felt distant from God and spiritually dry yet she persevered and continued doing good works in her life. I suppose that is why I would still attend mass and complete my Adoration hour even if I feel like God is being extremely silent right now. Even if I feel disconnected and more distant than ever from some folks in my life I can still continue to reach out and try to keep the lines of communication open among them and am currently filling that time/void with more prayer and looking to lean in on God more and more, which is something we probably all can strive for perhaps. The point is regardless of the situation we should never just throw in the towel and give up since life is not about being complacent or just getting by...shouldn't it be about embracing those around us and making the best of the gift of the present we have right now?
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