Calming the waters

With my mornings being consumed by Vacation Bible School this past week, the dates of each day were a blur and I completely forgot about the car accident that occurred four years ago in late June. This was the first summer since the accident back in 2010 that I didn't think about it.  I suppose the reason why is due to all the changes as of late:  new house, new routine, new husband, new name, new office, new everything!

Last night, when conversing with one of my former roommates, she mentioned change and we both recognized our difficulty with embracing and living with change, even the good changes.  Something she said really struck me when she said that she realized when a particular situation for her was "finished" and she shared the extreme sense of peace that came with that realization.  Hearing her talk made me realize that in a sense that has happened, a long time ago in fact, with one of my closest relationships.  In spite of my holding on and trying so desperately to keep the spirit of friendship alive, that ship has sailed.  Not necessarily in a bad way in that the ship has sailed beyond reach but rather that it is on the distant shore way off in the horizon charting its own path. 

Instead of being in the same rowboat paddling along together toward the same destination or on the same journey as had been the case for so long, for over a decade, in a way we are on completely different ships maybe even heading in opposite directions.  Last night I realized I need to pull up the anchor I have been using to try to bridge the distance and need to keep chugging along accepting the fact that other people are now manning the boat.  My friendship or presence is not needed as much and that is okay.  I remember this friend saying last summer just because our friendship had changed it was okay and it's not a bad thing.  As painful as it is to realize that we are not as close as we once were (inseparable and like sisters at one point) that we are more like acquaintances now I need to surrender to what is and to realize that truth be told my presence in this person's life hasn't been needed in the last several years but the blinders, or telescope in keeping with the ship analogy here, of denial prevented me from seeing that.  As long as we're all keeping afloat, I guess it's not a bad thing as we each have our own uncharted path or territory we must embark on in life.  At times in our lives, we may need more hands on deck and need more than one captain helping us to man the boat or get us through the rough patches and storms in life.  Other times, we can just pitch our sails (is that the right terminology??) and lean back and relax a bit. 

This kind of thinking that has been crossing my mind since last night's discussion on change reminds me of the expression about friends being in our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime and my thoughts I shared way back in December 2013.  Obviously I have still struggled with this idea/letting go and I hope, even though the bond or closeness is not there as it had been in the past, that we can at least wave to one another from our ships.  There will always be a void in my heart from this friendship not being as strong as it was in the past but friendships are not meant to be clung on to and wrung out like a wet towel.  Instead they must flutter in the breeze and spread out showing the strength as a sail does on a windy day.  I will forever hold on to the memories but realized after last night's talk about change and realizing when it's time to move on that I need to set sail and look forward rather than backwards and hope for smooth sailing for all of us sailing the waters of life.