Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Matters of Love

I stumbled upon this blog posting on a friend's page on Facebook....I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw the title:

It Matters Whom You Marry.

I figured, well, yeah, of course it matters.  Then, as I read the blog posting, I began to think of all the mistakes I have made in previous dating relationships and what my priorities were then compared to what they are now.  I could see through this blog posting, areas where not only had the men I dated fell short but also where I fell short.  However, it's through these experiences in life, that we grow and can do better for next time.  I've said it before and will say it again...I would much rather be single and happy than to be unhappy in a relationship.  As one of the sentences in this blog posting shares, Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief.

In light of a recent conversation with a very dear friend who is hurting right now, I silently cheered in my head as I read this line:  A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.  Amen!!!  How often do we, as women, try to be the hero and nurture the man to be happier/better/good enough/_________.  By instinct, most of us women are caregivers and loving beings so it's easy to get caught up in this web of wanting to help or change the men.  I'm not trying to make sweeping and broad generalizations here but am speaking from what I've experienced through my friends' and my experiences.  If only more women, and men, would realize they are all valuable and worthy & all should be cherished and treated as the beautiful creations we all are, we might be happier in our relationships.

# 2 really made me think about the love of siblings compared to the love of spouses.  Having grown up with boys, I couldn't help but think of how the silly banter back and forth and the teasing/joking around/sarcastic ways among my brothers and me was/is normal for us.  So, when I dated guys in the past who treated me in the same manner but then were unavailable emotionally, to me, it was like a sibling relationship.  I now know that while I do want the camaraderie and best friend in a spouse, there is also the line that shouldn't be crossed in terms of knowing when to provide the support and when to be serious.  As the blogger states, we are not princesses but we do have emotional needs and need to be respected & cared for in that aspect.  The same goes with men because I know there are some of us who are sarcastic and joke along with the best of them!

I've been fortunate enough to personally see the first paragraph under # 3 carried out by own parents in their marriage.  In closing, I leave you with this blog posting to read for your enjoyment.  Congratulations to all you married folks and seriously committed relationshipers out there and keep on setting the positive examples for those of us who aspire to be like you one day!

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