Too much

How much can a soul take?


How much unbearable pain can one face?


I learned some incredibly sad news tonight.  A friend who had committed suicide 1.5 years ago...his father took his own life tonight leaving behind his wife and other son as well as his baby granddaughter.  My heart aches for the mother who is left to mourn not only her son but now her husband of 32 years and to be the sole parent of her remaining son and grandmother to her other son's daughter. 



I only met this father once but the news of his death, and the circumstances surrounding it, are really taking a toll.  I found out via text, from a mutual friend, moments before two friends came over tonight for dinner.  I was able to block it out for a few hours while we enjoyed the yummy food and the wine flowed.  Now, in the stillness of the midnight hour, with Dusty Shamrock curled up at my feet (who still knows to crawl up and place his paw over my heart when I'm uncontrollably sobbing), the finality of it all has hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was thankful for the pots and pans that I could scrub in the kitchen sink tonight and for the black abyss that stared back at me through the kitchen window as I swallowed back the tears that wanted to escape after Kevin & Jim departed.

Now, a few hours later, the kitchen is put back together, the wine bottles are disposed of, and the leftovers have been put away....and the reality of it all has sunk in...what pain the mother must be in...first burying her son and now her husband of 32 years as she is left alone....how must the younger brother feel with missing not only his older brother but now his father...to go from a family of 4 to a family of 2???? 

Invariably at times like these, I am reminded of Jess from high school.  Untimely deaths have a way of reminding me of my best friend from middle/high school who suffered the ultimate untimely death when the "Three Musketeers" went from 3 to 2 during the early 2000s.  Life is so unfair sometimes.  What's worse is the sense of desperation and isolation one must feel to think that suicide and/or drug use is the only option.  Please, if you can, say an extra prayer for those who are struggling whether it be mental or physical, I would appreciate it.  Thanks.