The First Non-Look

In the days leading up to the wedding, I asked Adam if he wanted to do a First Look before the wedding where he and I would get to see each other before the ceremony.  Part of me wanted to and part of me wanted to wait until I walked down the aisle so I let Adam decide.  I wasn't surprised when he adamantly said no, that he rather preferred the traditional approach of seeing me for the first time on our wedding day as I walked down the aisle.

However, during the week before the wedding I thought of another idea.  I could still honor Adam's wish of our not seeing each other before the ceremony but I still wanted to have that moment with him before the mass so we could pray together and just be.  Once I pitched the idea to Adam, our videographer and photographer were on board with the plan to do a "First Non-Look" in the chapel of the church where we were to be married.

The original plan had me arriving in the chapel first with Adam joining me there.  However, with morning appointments running behind, I ended up being the late one and through Heather, our matron of honor, relaying the message to Adam and his parents, they headed for the church first.  Adam snuck into the chapel and patiently waited five minutes, ten minutes, then fifteen.....then twenty before I finally arrived...all under the watchful eye of the videography team.  What patience on Adam's part!  I remember fretting over how late we were as Heather and I rode in the backseat of my Dad's car.  A tick emerged from my bouquet (of fake flowers..what the heck?!) and hearing aid batteries were quickly exchanged.  A wrong turn as we followed my brother's van had me worrying even more about the time.  We saw some friends from NC and a family from York pulling in to their parking spaces as we rushed into the side door of the church.  Heather and I made a beeline for the chapel when the videographers greeted us and instructed me to go join Adam in the chapel.  They explained that Adam would be standing with his back to the door so I would see him from behind (which I had already seen when he tried his suit on in the store) so it would be okay.

A million thoughts were running through my mind as Heather and I walked down the hallway leaving my veil and flowers with my Dad.  This chapel is such a special place for me with so many memories from my late 20s. It was awesome and a bit surreal being able to do the "First Non-Look" in this space; walking toward the future to that handsome guy in the middle of the room! Adam was a champ in waiting so patiently when I wound up being so late in meeting him!  

As Heather and I made our way down the hall I remembered the first time I had ever stepped foot in the chapel some eight years ago....all the times I had been a substitute adorer on Thursdays for Adoration but what stood out the most in my mind was when I had my first face to face confession as an adult in this chapel with a gentle priest visiting the parish from Ireland after a particularly painful breakup back in spring 2008.  After that experience of confessing, I remember dissolving into a puddle of tears in the gym locker room when I met Ashley, another attendant, there right after departing this chapel.  It was a key time for healing and I credit the many hours of prayers in the chapel for that.  I also recalled the time when my Mom and I completed a Women of Grace retreat on the morning of the feast day of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel back in July 2011 that culminated in the chapel with being vested in the brown scapular before I drove out to Lititz for a wedding of two beloved friends that afternoon!!  Finally, I also thought back to the times, when driving around York as an itinerant teacher, I would pop into this chapel between schools for a quick prayer then continue on my way to the next school.  In spite of all the rushing and frantic worry over what time it was on the wedding day time seemed to stop as Heather and I reached the door.  The photographer slipped her way into the chapel ahead of us and Heather motioned for me to follow Juliana as she hung back in the hallway.  My heart skipped a beat as I realized I would finally get to see Adam after the morning of prep!

Then, actually physically seeing him standing in such a special place from my past literally took my breath away...the sun streamed in on this tall man who stood before me and it took all I could to not run up to him and hug him grabbing him by the shoulders to turn around and face me!

I think I was looking outside the chapel at the matron of honor at this point trying to keep it together at this moment.  I hadn't expected to get so emotional and wanted nothing more but to turn around and face Adam right then and there! 


It was so special having this moment documented by the videographer and by the photographer.  We were so blessed by not only their talent but by their presence and respect for our wishes.  Their work is such a treasured keepsake and sharing in our joy in such a special way is something I will always remember! I love revisiting these photos and being taken right back to this special moment.  Adam had written in our prayer journal and I had written him a card that we exchanged.  We also said a quick prayer before heading into the church for the wedding mass! It was such a neat moment to really stop and slow down and thank God together amidst all of the other "stuff" happening on the wedding day.

I remember wishing I had thought to bring a tissue since reading what Adam had written reduced me to a sniffling mess (in a good way haha).

 We didn't do the whole "something blue, something borrowed, something new, etc." thing but I did do bring something purple via the rosary that I brought into the chapel with me!  This had been a gift from one of the attendants, Monika.  She had gone to Germany last year and brought back this special purple rosary from Trier Cathedral which was the oldest Bishop's Church in Germany.  With the rosary she also gave me a decorative flash drive that contained all sorts of files that contained background information on this beautiful church as well as photographs she took herself when visiting the church!  Some information about this majestic looking church that I learned from Monika was that it is the oldest church in Germany in which the Christian faithful have gathered almost uninterruptedly for 1,700 years!  Another interesting fact is that it contains a relic that holds one of the nails that crucified Jesus in it!  Lastly, this church has been the seat of the Bishop since the second half of the 3rd Century.  Wow, going through this history on the flash drive and viewing the pictures taken by Monika provide me with a virtual field trip north of the Alps of sorts! What a special and unique gift she gave me last Christmas along with the rosary!  When I saw the color of it last December, I immediately thought of trying to embed the rosary into my bouquet.  I set out to do this the night before the wedding but it didn't quite work out so I took it with me into the chapel where it added a very special touch to the prayers Adam and I said before departing the chapel.  See below for some of Monika's stunning photos!
  

Yes, all in all, having the First Non-Look in such a special place from my mid 20s holding onto Adam's hands and the thoughtful gift of the rosary that came all the way from Germany (where some of my Dad's family is from) was such a truly peaceful and beautiful moment.  I'm glad we took time out of the hectic before mass routine to do this and to really center ourselves and thank God for this new life we were about to embark on before I bid Adam farewell (for now) and slipped out of the chapel.  Heather met me outside the doors and walked me back to my Dad who was waiting at the end of the hallway.  Now that the first non-look was done, I needed to go "hide" before it was time to walk down the aisle with my Dad in a few short moments but oh how I will treasure this special moment with my future husband forever!!

Looking at this picture and seeing the empty seats...makes me think of all those who came before us and are no longer physically here with us.  Previously, I had thought of this special moment as being just one in which God, Adam, and I were there praying...but I'd like to think that our grandparents, Aunt Ollie, and others who loved us and shaped who we are today were there in their own special ways.  Perhaps they had front row seats from where they were!